The Long and Winding Road
by Alex507
Summary: NOT a LilyJames hate then love fic. Instead, they grow to be best friends, but can they ever be something more? A tale of all the Mauraders plus Lily as they and their friendships grow and change through Hogwarts. A 1st7th year fic. BACK FROM HIATUS!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Ok guys. This is my first fanfic so I'm looking for a good measure of _constructive_ criticism and support. Please, please review. I'm writing this story for myself, but I'm posting it for you all. I'm also going to warn you as I did in the summary, this is _not_ a Lily hates James, James loves Lily and then after some maybe character development Lily all of sudden loves him fic. This is almost completely AU and will not only focus on James and Lily, but the whole gang. (Yes. Even Peter, though he might not be as important of a character because really -- who likes him?) It might be slow for the first chapter or two, but after that I promise it will get interesting. As I know and probably quite a few of you too, middle school and high school is almost _never_ boring. Anyways, now that I've rambled on long enough, on with the show.

Disclaimer: ...Are you kidding?

The Beginning

The clock at platform 9 ¾ had witnessed many things since its installation; many comings and goings, first trips and last trips, and many of those moments that, although small, do indeed change history. On this particular day the clock felt as if it would be witness to one of those moments.

It was Sept. 1, 1971 at exactly 10:47 (the clock would know after all) when a small boy with messy black hair came barreling through the platform entrance. Unfortunately (or as the boy would later come to think, fortunately) his cart and trunk came right into the side of a cart being pushed by a small girl with bright red hair. The contact caused her trunk to tip off the cart, and the contents of another bag, which she had sitting on top of her trunk, to spill everywhere.

The girl let out a small yelp and jumped backwards. The boy, just as surprised, immediately started apologizing, "Oh gods, I'm so sorry." She didn't make any immediate moves and the boy, although first at a bit of a loss at what to do, quickly moved towards the bag on the ground. "I'm so sorry, let me help you," he said. As he knelt down, she seemed to regain her senses and quickly bent down to help him. She picked up her bag and they made quick work of the items on the ground. The boy picked up a book and made to hand it to her.

"I'm James Potter by the way," he said.

"Lily," she replied shortly. "Lily Evans."

They were both still kneeling on the ground in the middle of a crowded platform, Lily still holding her book. "So," said James, looking for conversation, "is this your first year at Hogwarts?" He stood up slowly as he brushed off his hands.

"Yes actually," said Lily. She seemed glad to have something to say as she rose from the ground, "is it yours as well?"

"Yeah." Another lull. James glanced down. He wasn't sure why he was still here, but something made him want to keep talking to her. "Are you muggleborn?" he asked curiously.

She paled slightly. "Yes, I am. How could you tell?" Her hand raised to her hair and tucked a strand behind her ear. James looked at her more closely now. He could tell she was nervous even though her green eyes never looked down. He smiled, wanting to cheer her up and make her feel comfortable.

"Actually, it was just your book. It _is_ called 'Everything You Need to Know About the Wizarding World and More' after all."

She relaxed and smiled sheepishly. She looked at the cover again and began to giggle. "Well I guess that would give me away wouldn't it? I've just never had a friend who was a witch or wizard before. There's bound to be all sorts of things I don't have a clue about."

James smiled and stuck out his hand. "Well Lily Evans, I'd be happy to be your friend, and you can ask me anything you like."

Lily smiled even bigger and shook his hand. "Alright," she said. "Why not?"

At just that moment, 10:54 by the clock, a rather tall woman came striding forward. "James! Where in the world have you been? I nearly sent your father onto the train to see if you were so excited you'd leave without saying goodbye!" She swept him up in a hug that would have lifted James off the ground had he been any shorter than his present height at her shoulder. He laughed and she released him.

"Mum I've been right here the whole time. I accidentally ran into Lily's cart." James gestured towards Lily and she waved as if on cue.

"Hello dear, I'm Christine Potter, James' mum."

"It's nice to meet you Mrs. Potter. I'm sorry, but I need to go say goodbye to my parents before the train leaves." She turned to James; "maybe I'll see you on the train later."

"Yeah, sure."

Christine Potter smiled knowingly as she watched her son watch Lily walk away. "She seems nice," she said.

"Yeah." James broke out of his daze. "Come on, let's go find Dad. I saw Sirius earlier but he's already on the train."

A/N: Please please review. Like I said before, I may be writing it for me, but I'm posting it for you. And besides that let's accept it, we're all human here (aren't we?) and we're all just looking for respect and acceptance. I thank you.


	2. Chapter 2

**After All….**

Half an hour after the train had departed found James Potter and his best friend Sirius Black sharing a compartment with Remus Lupin, a small boy with sandy hair and bright blue eyes who, although he had seemed so nervous at first, they took an immediate liking to. James was sitting next to the window, his back against the corner so that he could see the whole compartment and still shift his gaze to the passing scenery outside. His eyes settled on Remus, the boy Sirius had introduced him to when James had finally found the compartment. He was fitting in quickly, and James could already tell that although he was smart he wouldn't keep James and Sirius from having any of the fun they planned on having while at Hogwarts. Remus caught James' eye and shot him a questioning look before glancing at Sirius, who was currently sprawled along the other side of the compartment with his hands under his head as he glanced up at the ceiling. James knew why Sirius wasn't in a good mood today. He knew that Sirius didn't get on well with his parents, and that he was under a lot of pressure to fit in quickly in Slytherin. Ever since they had met two years ago Sirius had known what he was suppose to do and hated it, and as their school days approached James and Sirius wanted to be separated into rival houses less and less. He figured the only way Remus was going to understand what was going on, and the only way Sirius was going to feel any better about it, was to let Sirius vent. He threw the question into the quiet compartment, "So how was it mate?"

Sirius understood what he meant. He had known James for years, and James knew that Sirius was always trying to find a way to defy his parents. But the approaching sorting could kill the rogue in him. If he was forced into Slytherin like his parents wanted, there were people that would _make_ him fall into line. "Mum and Da just dropped me," said Sirius. "Mum just patted me on the back and Da said to make sure I talk to ol' Slughorn straight away after I get into Slytherin, whoever that is." He scowled and swung himself around so he could sit up and stare out the window. He didn't really want to have to look at James at the moment, and especially not at the new kid whom he didn't even know that well.

James tried to catch his gaze but Sirius was elusive. James knew Sirius never felt good enough for his parents, not that he ever even craved their acceptance anymore, it just bugged him as a point of principle almost. To Sirius, if they didn't care about him, and he didn't care about them, why should he do what they wanted him to do? James tried vainly to brighten his mood a bit, a dull Sirius was not the way they had planned on starting Hogwarts. "It's alright mate, cheer up. I'm sure you'll get into Gryffindor with me. And even if you are in Slytherin, we'll still be friends." Sirius was still looking out the window. Remus seemed to catch on quickly because he tried next.

"I have no idea where I'll end up, and neither does anyone really when you look at it." James glanced at him and smiled a bit. This kid was alright.

Sirius must have wandered off, or else didn't want to talk about it anymore because he suddenly turned to James. "Who was that girl you were talking to on the platform?"

James was taken aback by the suddenness of the question but decided not to comment. "Oh. Her name is Lily. Lily Evans," he replied, remembering the way she'd said it. "She's a first year too."

"So? Why were you talking to her?" Sirius asked.

"Oh. Um." James found it odd that he didn't seem to want to share his talk with Lily, or his offer to be her very first friend in the wizarding world.

Remus saw the confliction on James' face. "What, was she cute or something?" he asked. Sirius laughed.

"No, no. I just accidentally ran into her cart and knocked her bag over. We just got to talking and –," he froze up. Sirius was still chuckling.

Just then there was a loud thud on the compartment door and a pudgy face with blonde hair was pushed up against the window. All conversation about James' talk with Lily was forgotten as Remus slid the door open and the rather short boy tumbled to the floor of the compartment. James, Remus, and Sirius stuck their heads out the compartment door just in time to see Lucius Malfoy, a 6th year and his dimwitted sidekicks, turn into another compartment down the car. The trio pulled back into their compartment and shut the door. "Who are you?" Sirius asked.

"P-Peter Pettigrew," mumbled the boy as he searched his pockets, not really looking up at any of the other boys. He was obviously shaken and his dirty blonde hair was slightly plastered to his forehead with sweat. His hands were shaking, as he didn't seem to find what he was looking for.

"Did they take anything?" asked James.

"They wouldn't do that would they?" asked Remus incredulously.

"Yeah, Lucius might," said Sirius.

"Well, my toad is gone," said Peter with a sigh.

"Do you want to go look for it?" Remus asked. "We could help you."

"I don't want to go look for a stupid toad," protested Sirius sharply, before Peter could even answer. James shot Sirius a warning look.

Peter looked around at the three guys in the car. He looked nervous, as if he was going to be caught with his fingers in the cookie jar. "Not really. He's really old and I didn't really want to bring him," he said tentatively.

"Well then just write home and say he died or something," said James easily. "Besides, it's probably true. Malfoy's such a git that he probably threw the thing out the window."

"We really got to prank him good now that we're at Hogwarts," said Sirius. "I'm sick of having to hear about him when the Malfoys come for dinner." He put on a higher voice, presumably to imitate Lucius' mother. "'Lucius has been named prefect' or 'Lucius it top of his class in Potions' stupid git. If Regulus were a girl, mum would have jumped to have them betrothed. Instead, my cousin Narcissa has to marry him. Mum wasn't too happy she didn't have any girls to marry off then. Serves her right." Sirius trailed off for a minute. It was unclear to James at that point whether he thought Narcissa or Mrs. Black deserved what it was that they were getting, but that wasn't the point. Suddenly, Sirius was animated again. "What if we turned all his clothes pink?"

"We could permanently stick his underwear on him," James suggested. And with that they were off and running. Ideas were flying thick and fast, possible or not. Everything from turning his oatmeal to glue so that his mouth would stay shut, to hexing him to go around quoting famous love sonnets, was proposed.

James looked out the window and tuned the conversation out just as Peter suggested that they charm his robes to be really attractive to something like frogs for weeks. He was glad his conversation with Lily hadn't been brought up again. Now that he was with his friends, he couldn't remember what it was that had seemed so captivating about her. He knew it was something, but he was almost embarrassed to admit that he _wanted_ to be friends with her. After all, he'd never been friends with a girl before, not really.

A/N: Alright, things will get more interesting quickly I promise. I have at least two more chapters already typed and six more in planning that are being worked on. If anybody wants to offer to beta that'd be great. I could always use one. I'm on Spring Break right now so hopefully I can get this thing rolling before I go back to school. And remember...review!


	3. Chapter 3

Chp 3 

If clocks could be excited, then the clock at platform 9 ¾ would be one of them. As was usual for Sept. 1st, the platform was loud and crowded as students reunited, met, and departed from their parents for another year of school. High above the excitement below, the clocked ticked on at its usual pace, slowly observing students as time passed in their lives. Today, however, exactly two years after the last exciting moment the clock had witnessed, its attention was focused on a boy with slightly rumbled, jet black hair.

Below, oblivious to the clock's attention, James Potter stood on the platform with his parents Henry and Christine Potter. "Oh do be careful dear," his mother cautioned as she ran her hand over his head, trying vainly to smooth his hair. "I know you want to try for the quidditch team this year again, but I don't want too many reports of injuries alright?"

"Mum, I'll be fine," James said reaching down to hug her. At 13, he had shot up over the summer, making him a staggering 5'9" next to his mother. Although Christine Potter looked rather tall, she was only 5'6", but she had the long lean build of dancer, which gave her an aura of grace and made her body seem much longer that it actually was. "I haven't even made the team yet and you're already worrying."

His father laughed, but Christine continued, "Yes, but you already broke your hip this summer just from falling off your broom. I still think Sirius must have had something more to do with it, I had no idea –"

"Oh Christine, leave the boy alone. It's only because he grew so quickly. Besides, it was fixed in an instant, no lasting harm done," interjected Henry tiredly. It was clear this topic of conversation had already been covered in the Potter household. James looked relieved at his father's comment. "Now, why don't you go load your trunk and find Sirius, I haven't seen that rascal all morning."

James took the advice and minutes later, after a quick hug from his da and another kiss from his mum, he was wandering down the platform until he found Remus and Sirius. "Hey guys! What's going on?" James asked. "Where's Peter?"

"I dunno," said Sirius. "But we're bound to find him on the train later."

"How was your break James?" asked Remus.

"It was fine. I broke my hip falling off my broom in a brutal quidditch match with Sirius."

"Yeah, he told me about that. Said it was cause you grew so much," laughed Remus.

James turned to Sirius, "Yeah well why didn't you break anything then? You're nearly as tall as I am."

Sirius let out a laugh that was beginning to sound more like a bark after his voice started changing over the summer. "That my friend is because my bones are of finer quality that yours." He flashed a cheeky grin and flexed his arm a bit.

Both James and Remus snorted. "Yeah right, you were just taller before summer and didn't grow as fast," said Remus.

James laughed, "Yeah well my mum reckons –," but Remus and Sirius didn't ever find out what James' mum reckoned because at that moment two things happened simultaneously. The first was that the clock read 10:47. The second was that Lily Evans walked through the barrier and onto the platform. She paused a moment to look for someone. James noted from a distance that her hair had gotten longer and a few shades darker and that today it was in waves. All of a sudden her bright green eyes lit up as her friend Allison came running over, and James suddenly felt a sharp pain on his arm.

"Ow. What was that for?"

"You stopped talking and started staring off," explained Sirius.

"Yeah, staring at Evans," teased Remus. He turned around to look at Lily. She had changed, he noticed. He smiled; James had clearly noticed. "She does look prettier this year doesn't she?" he asked James.

James nodded though he wasn't sure what he was agreeing to. Of course she was cute. Lots of girls were cute, but what had made James stop talking was her – the look on her face and the look in her eyes. For once, James didn't notice a girl because he or one of his mates though she was pretty. He noticed because for the first time since he met her on that platform exactly 2 years earlier, James realized a tiny part of what he could be missing by _not_ befriending her. Right then, James Potter decided that he was determined to be friends with Lily Evans.

A/N: Ok yeah short chapter. But it's more of a transition than anything. Once things get rolling don't expect updates nearly everyday ok? But starting next week I'll try to get at least one or two a week in there. Remember...review! Just something short even, but it'll make me write faster I promise!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Ok ya'll this is probably going to be the last chapter up until at least Monday, more likely Tuesday. I've got a golf tournament togo to and then I go back to school. Ahh well. I'll try to keep up with updates once school starts again, but expect it to slow down a bit.

The end of September found James and Sirius sitting in front of the common room fire playing a game of chess instead of doing their Charms homework for Flitwick.

"Sirius, don't you find it weird that Remus is sick again?" asked James tentatively.

"I dunno," said Sirius. "I mean, it's unusual for anyone else to be that sick that often, but it happens to Remus quite a bit, so, maybe it's not so weird."

"But…" James didn't finish but stared at the board, thinking.

"But what? Remus gets sick. Make a move already," said Sirius, getting impatient.

"Knight to E8," said James. "But that's the thing, unless he's sick enough to go home he isn't sick at all. And even when he does get sick he's always back a few days later. I though you had to be really sick for them to send you home."

"You do mate. I dunno though, maybe he just doesn't want us to know."

"So you do think something's wrong then?" James asked.

For the first time since they had started the conversation, Sirius looked up from the board, and he didn't look happy. "Of course I do," he hissed. "No one goes home 9 times each year without something being wrong -- for anything." James was taken aback by Sirius' sudden, well, seriousness regarding the subject. James knew that although Sirius never really acted like he cared about anybody but himself, he really did care a great deal about the people he considered his friends.

James paused for a minute and Sirius went back to the game. "I dunno though, maybe we should talk to him about it. What do you think it could be?" James asked quietly.

Sirius really didn't want to talk about it anymore, but James was right. For two years they hadn't mentioned it. Personally, Sirius thought that if Remus wanted to talk about it, or if it was something he needed support with, then he would talk about it with his friends. After all, that's what he himself did when his home life got really bad. That's why they had all grown so close so quickly, each person knew they could share stuff with everyone else in their group. But James was worried now. And to tell the truth Sirius was starting to get worried too. More to placate James than because he actually would, he responded, "I'm not sure. I'll think about it ok?" And with that James dropped the topic and let Sirius get back to trying to figure out how to best demolish James' army before winning the game.

* * *

At a table nearby, Lily Evans sat with her best friend Allison Edwards. Lily scratched out the last few lines of a paragraph for her Potions essay before leaning down to ruffle through her bag for her reference book. Potions was one of her favorite classes, and she knew that even though Slughorn didn't expect any extra references, her extra work would be appreciated. Besides, she just happened to have the book from the library for another project in Defense against the Dark Arts. The problem was she couldn't find it. It must be upstairs. Right then, Allison sighed and flicked her blonde hair back over her shoulder as she stood up. "I forgot my Divination book up in the dorm. I'll be right back." She turned to go.

"Hey, would you mind grabbing the Potions book on top of my trunk? The one I used for that Defense project?" asked Lily.

"Sure. I'll bring it," was the reply. And with that, she left.

From across the room, James saw Allison get up and leave. Lily Evans was alone. He was still determined to be friends with her. Now seemed like a good time to start.

"I'll be right back," he said to Sirius.

"S'alright. You've lost anyway."

James didn't hear him and made his way over to Lily's table and sat down. "Hi Lily," he said.

She looked up. His hair was mussed from his earlier conversation with Sirius, and his hazel eyes looked warm and friendly, dispelling her worries that he was there to tease her. "What do you want Potter?" she asked as she bent back towards her essay.

"I just wanted to talk to you."

"You never talk to me."

"Well, now I am."

She sighed and looked back up. She tucked a strand of hair that had fallen from her ponytail behind her ear. Before she could respond or tell him that she was trying to work, he spoke again. "Why do you call me Potter?"

Her eyes sparked for just a second. James could tell she was actually engaged in the conversation now. She put down her quill and folded her arms in front of her and leaned back off the table. "Why do you call me Evans?" she replied.

James was about to respond that he didn't -- that he only called her Evans when he talked about her, and that when he talked _to_ her he called her Lily. The words died on his lips when he realized that he never did talk to her. Not really. In fact, he could probably count the number of conversations they had had on one hand. As he puzzled at this, Allison suddenly arrived over his left shoulder.

"Here you go Lily. Hi James," she said as she sat back down.

James was pulled from his musings. "Hi Allison."

Lily took her book from Allison's outstretched hand. "Thanks. I'm going to go to the library and finish this." She looked at James. "Besides, I can't seem to get any work done here."

"You sure?" Allison asked. She looked confused.

"Yeah. That way when I'm done I can just go ahead and return the book, it's almost overdue." With that, she picked up her stuff and left. When the portrait shut behind her, James turned to look at Allison. He was about to question why Lily didn't seem to want to talk to him, but Allison had already gone back to working. He decided to think about it some more first. Maybe Lily was just in a bit of a bad mood, maybe it didn't have anything to do with him at all. He hoped so.

James stood up and made his way back over the Sirius still thinking about his almost conversation with Lily. Sirius looked back up as he saw James' shoes come into his field of vision. "Is Peter back from tutoring with McGonagall yet? I want to make a quick run to the kitchens."

"Huh? Oh no. But come on, I'll grab my cloak, I could use something to do." And even as James and Sirius made there way through the halls of the castle, all James could think about was what he could have possibly done to make Lily Evans mad at him.

A/N: Alright! Read and please review!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Alright. First I'd like to say thank you to all the lovely people that have reviewed. Now I'm wondering why this story has 350 hits, and only 5 reviews...I bet your wondering too now aren't you?

Remus strolled down a corridor on the 4th floor towards an unused classroom that Sirius had given him directions to earlier that day. He had a slight bounce in his step as he meandered down the hallway, humming a jazz tune that was an old favorite of his. This part of the castle was unusually quiet. Even though it was, thought Remus, a Friday night. A great time in Remus' opinion – a few weeks after the full moon, and another 2 or so hours till curfew. His thoughts about the full moon cause him to start becoming worried. His humming stopped. Was that why James, Sirius and Peter were meeting him here? It was odd that they'd plan their next big prank in an unused classroom in an out of the way place in the castle. His feet started to unconsciously drag. Did they know? Remus shook his sandy blonde hair out his eyes as he walked. They couldn't.

Remus stopped. But what if they did? He walked over to the wall and leaned against it. His hair flew up a bit as he sighed, but he didn't notice. His thoughts were running wild. James and Sirius had seemed so much more wary of him this time when he'd gotten back. Almost as if they expected him to go off like a bomb. But they had still been talking to him, which would mean they couldn't know, right? They couldn't he decided. And not because they weren't smart; James and Sirius were clever and much smarter than people gave them credit for. And Peter was, well to put it plainly Peter was just as clever, even if he was missing a lot of the brain cells to make it useful. But he was observant. If anyone knew, Remus thought, or if anyone had guessed, it was probably Peter. Because unlike James and Sirius, if Peter found out, there was no guarantee he'd say anything to anyone, or confront anyone about it. He'd just store it in the back of his mind. Remus felt chilled suddenly. It was the middle of October, and the castle corridors were beginning to get drafty, but that wasn't it, and Remus knew it.

They couldn't know – it just wouldn't be fair. He'd never had friends like them before, if he'd had them at all. That's why they couldn't know. They could never know. Some part of Remus knew that it was impossible. Eventually they would find out. They wouldn't consider themselves good friends if they didn't. But Remus didn't care if it was logical or not. It was the only hope he had.

A few minutes later found Remus entering the unused classroom that the gang was using for a meeting place.

"Hey man, it's about time," said Sirius as Remus shut the door.

"Sorry," he replied looking around the room at the others. James was sitting on the top of a desk while Sirius leaned against the back wall. Peter was sitting in one of the desks, but he was bent under it, inspecting the gum on the bottom, when Remus walked in. They all looked expectant, well, except maybe Peter. "I didn't realize it was so important." He took a seat on top of another desk a few seats away from James, so that he could face everyone. For some reason, he felt like he needed his back to a wall.

James glanced at Sirius. One glance told him that he was the one that was going to have to bring it up. "Well, actually, we wanted to talk to you." He took a deep breath. "Remus, about a few weeks ago…" he trailed off, not really sure what to say next.

Remus felt himself tense. His brain quickly scanned the last few weeks. Could he be talking about something else? Anything else?

"What really happened? I mean," James paused. Remus didn't dare to breathe. "Why'd you go home?"

No. This was it. They wanted to know. Remus' brain was screaming. He could lie, it said. One look at James face was all it took. "I was sick." It was close enough to the truth.

"Yeah." James trailed off and looked to Sirius for help.

"Look Remus, you can tell us. We know you weren't sick. At least not really. We know something is going on," he said.

Remus just shook his head. His brain was telling him it was over, that this was the end. But his heart wouldn't let go. He wasn't willing to give them up. Not that easily. "You wouldn't understand," he said. But he was stalling – he knew it.

"Try us."

Remus looked at Peter confused. It was the first thing he'd said since Remus came in the room, but what shocked Remus more was the way he'd said it. He'd said it like they all had problems. Like they all had their own dirty little secrets that they didn't want anyone to know about. Like they all had lives that were this hard.

But they didn't. "No," Remus said. It came out almost as a growl.

"Why not?" asked James.

"Because, you just don't get it." Remus said. He stood up suddenly, pushing the desk back a little bit. They all looked at him like they were waiting for him to explain. He walked slowly to the other side of the room, away from them. Still facing the wall he said, "If I tell you, you'll never want to speak with me again."

"And why is that?" Sirius asked. For a moment, Sirius sounded like almost any other Black, the sneer on his face clearly present in his voice.

Remus spun around slammed his hand against the bookcase that was next to him. "Because you'll hate me!" he shouted. For the first time, he was glad they were in a deserted part of the castle.

"I think I'm going to decide who I hate, thank you," said James, surprisingly calm sounding. Remus looked at him, shocked that he hadn't moved an inch and was seemingly so unmoved by what was going on. Then he saw it. There in James' hazel eyes, was anger. Remus hadn't seen James that angry often, hardly ever. But he was mad now. Remus didn't say anything and James went on. "Why won't you let us help you? We're supposed to be your friends. When something's hard or when you need to talk about something, or just when you need support that's what were here for. Look at Sirius. Doesn't he always come to us for support when his parents as being bastards again? Or when his family is not so subtly threatening him again?"

Sirius nodded in emphasis. "Mate, we just want to help. We're never going to all make it through this if one of us can't tell the others what's going on that's making his life rough."

Remus stared at them blankly. Could he? Could he really trust them? The stuff about Sirius had never really struck him, but now that he thought about it he was almost shocked. James was right. Sirius did have it tough, but he found help in the form of his friends. They were what gave Sirius the confidence to stand up to his family, especially after he had gotten sorted into Gryffindor. Maybe he could trust them. Just maybe….

"Remus?" asked Peter hesitantly. Remus turned to look at him. "Are you a werewolf?" Peter looked nervous. Remus' breath hitched in his throat. Peter was afraid of him. How could he tell them? They weren't going to hate him, they were going to be afraid. Peter already was. But the silence in the room was dragging on. He didn't even have to answer anymore. But he would. He would because he had to tell them. There was a stinging in his eyes as he nodded.

"Yeah."

Peter let out a big breath. "Well thank god."

"What?" Remus was shocked. James almost smiled. He seemed to agree with Peter.

"Well yeah," said Sirius. "That we could explain. That was actually our only real guess as to what was going on."

James nodded. "Yeah. We didn't know what else it could be. This at least," he paused and looked at the other two. "This we can handle."

Remus felt a prick behind his eyes again. James must have seen it because the next thing he knew, he was being hugged by James. They slapped each other on the back and Remus pulled away, placing his hands on James' shoulders.

"Thank you," he said.

James just smiled. "That's what friends are for."

* * *

Allison was lost. She had come down to the dungeons in an attempt to find the kitchens, and instead was stuck in a long, stone hallway with seemingly no pictures to ask directions from, and a dead end. The only things that hung in the hallway at all it seemed, were two enormous tapestries that hung about halfway down the corridor. The one on the left side of the hall seemed to be a very old map of Britain and Ireland, and it reached from the floor to nearly the ceiling. The other one, which hung directly across the hall and was of similar dimensions, showed a wizard on the right, standing over a crystal ball. The background was dark and strangely sinister. On the far left side of the tapestry was a group of people, huddled together. But they seemed to be scared. Allison stepped closer as her curiosity began to peak, and she craned her neck to look up at the people. They looked worse than scared, she realized. They looked terrified. One woman was lying sideways on the ground, as if she had been backing away, or turning to run, and in her terror, tripped. Allison looked over at the wizard behind the crystal ball. Surely he wasn't that terrifying? But upon closer inspection she saw that he was. He had a maniacal grin on his face, large icy blue eyes, and his hands, with their long crooked fingers, were outstretched, as if driving the people away. Allison unconsciously took a step back. What was this man doing? 

All of a sudden, somebody burst through the tapestry and the seemingly solid wall behind it, barreling into Allison's left shoulder. She hit the ground and screamed. A hand clamped over her mouth and she heard laughing. After she realized what had happened she found herself looking into the laughing gray eyes of Sirius Black.

"What are you doing?" she hissed, as she pushed him off of her and stood up. She looked back at the tapestry and wasn't surprised to see James Potter doubled over laughing. "Well, if it isn't the dynamic duo. Where's the rest of the group? Are they gonna come flying in too?" she spat rather sarcastically.

Sirius stood up and wiped a tear from his eye. "No. Remus is trying to help Pete finish that Defense assignment on Boggarts. We were sent down to get reinforcements from the kitchens, but we got a little uh…sidetracked." He winked at James, and here James started cracking up all over again.

Allison rolled her eyes. As the boys continued laughing she couldn't help but smile. Their amusement was contagious. "Do I even want to know what you guys were doing?" she asked.

Suddenly, they heard a crash in the distance. Sirius grabbed her arm. "Quick. If we don't hurry, you're going to find out the hard way." He dragged her over to the other tapestry and quickly whispered something to it. Just as Allison was about to ask what he was doing the ship in the corner closest to her sank. Puzzled, she leaned in to examine it closer, but James quickly hurried her through to the other side. On the other side of the tapestry, Allison found herself in a dark, narrow hallway. She almost expected it to be dusty from years of non-use and was surprised to find that it was actually rather clean and not at all damp or dreary really. It was just dark.

James' eyes adjusted quickly to the decreased light. He and Sirius used this passage quite often, along with lots of house elves. They stayed in the passage and remained silent until they heard the source of the noise retreat. As soon as he thought it was safe, James let out a giant breath he had been holding and smiled at Sirius. "Well that was fun." Now that they had the time to talk, he turned to Allison. "So, what were you doing down here? Isn't it like an hour past curfew?"

Allison groaned. "I left the common room almost an hour and a half ago! Ugh! Who knew a trip to the kitchens could take so long?"

"Wait. You were going to the kitchens? Why?" James asked.

"Well, I was really tired in classes today. I always have a bit of a tough time with Mondays. Anyway, after Transfiguration this afternoon I did some work in the library and went up to my dorm – just to take a quick nap before dinner." The boys looked at her expectantly. "Well, I actually fell asleep for about 2 and a half hours. Lily never bothered to wake me up because she thought I wasn't feeling well. I ended up missing dinner and was getting pretty hungry so she suggested I head down to the kitchens and get something to eat. Isn't that where you guys are headed?" Allison looked up at them, hoping they could help her find some food. If she was hungry when she left, she was starving by now.

James looked at Sirius. His friend didn't seem to be against the idea of bringing her along, and James was all too happy to oblige. They wouldn't be able to use to cloak to get there, but they could manage. He'd been meaning to talk to her since his brush off from Lily almost two weeks earlier. "Sure. I wanted to ask you something anyway. Follow us." With that Sirius took off down the passage, leading the group.

Allison was puzzled. After a few seconds of walking she said, "Well. What did you want to ask me?"

James sighed. It was going to sound so stupid, him asking her this question. When he had imagined this conversation, Sirius wasn't there to make him feel like a complete idiot. "Why does Evans – I mean Lily, why does she not like me?"

Allison was confused. "What do you mean? She likes you." She thought about that for a second. "Ok well, maybe she doesn't like you, but I don't think she dislikes you. Not really."

"Not really? Why would be so against talking to me then? I mean what did I do to make her mad?"

"Now Jamesie. Maybe she's just not all that attracted to you," chimed in Sirius sarcastically.

Yup, he was always there to make him feel like an idiot. "Shut up Sirius." He turned back to Allison. "I mean the other day in the common room she just kind of blew me off."  
Allison thought about it for a minute. "Well. She holds a little bit of a grudge against you since you blew her off in first year."

James looked at her, expecting her to continue. All of a sudden Sirius held his hand back and they all huddled behind a rather large cluster of statues. James thought for a moment. First year? He'd only had one real conversation with her first year, and that didn't even happen at school really. Technically it happened on – the platform! He groaned and Sirius pushed him slightly, reminding him to be quiet until whatever danger he detected had passed. James had offered to be her first friend at Hogwarts. And then, between his own cowardliness and his fear of his friends' reactions, he had subtly ignored her for the first 3 or 4 months of school until Christmas break. As he was older now he realized how that must have seemed to a girl of 11 in a new school. And in a new world nonetheless. Merlin, he'd been so stupid!

They were moving again and were nearly to the kitchens. As Sirius walked up to the portrait to tickle the pear, James grabbed Allison's arm lightly to hold her back.

"Allison. Do you think if I apologized and told her that I really understood, do you think she'd forgive me?" He looked hopeful. He wanted her to forgive him. He really did. Allison could tell.

"Sure." She smiled and patted his arm. "Sure she will."

James smiled at that. So there was hope. She didn't hate him. And with that he lead the way into the kitchens.

A/N: Ok guys, here's a nice long chapter. And the answer to why Lily was so cold to James in the last chapter. (I actually didn't think it was all that bad but I got a lot of reviews that were just "What'd he do?") Anyways, look for the next chapter to be up sometime in the next few days. And remember...review!

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

Chp 6

"But Professor really I –"

"Mr. Potter, I don't want to hear it. I thought maybe you would begin to grow out of this by now, but if I have to continue to punish you for this sort of thing for the next 4 years I will!"

James wisely didn't debate the point anymore and conceded with a weak, "Yes ma'am."

"Good. Detention. Friday. 8:00 in my office. Don't be late. I daresay you know the way there." Professor McGonagall turned to walk away, rolling her eyes and sighing. Mr. Black would also be serving a detention for her that same night. Oh well, there was nothing for it. She would just have to separate them – especially after that awful incident last year involving the exploding toilet. She was only 36 and already those two boys were giving her gray hair. When would it end?

The next night James and Sirius arrived at McGonagall's office with a few minutes to spare. When they entered the office James was mildly surprised to see someone else there waiting.

"Lily," he asked. "What are you doing here?" James thought of Lily as one of those good types, who didn't really break the rules. Surely she was just here to ask McGonagall about the essay due next week, right?

Lily sighed. "Detention," she mumbled. She wasn't happy about it. Lily Evans liked fun, and she didn't have a problem admitting that to herself or to anyone else. What she didn't like was getting caught. This was her first detention in her 3 years at Hogwarts, and she was less than thrilled.

Before James could respond McGonagall spoke up from her seat at the desk. "Mr. Potter, Miss Evans, you will be serving your detention in the trophy room this evening. Mr. Black, you will be assisting Ogg with some work on the grounds."

Sirius and James shared a look as McGonagall rose and began to organize a few of the papers on her desk. On the grounds? But it was dark. "But professor, isn't it dark?" Sirius asked. "What exactly are we going to get accomplished at night?"

The professor stopped what she was doing and looked at Sirius. Her gaze flickered to Lily and then passed over James before resting on Sirius again. "The gamekeeper is well aware that it is dark outside Mr. Black." Her voice softened as she said, "I'm sure you will be able to get something productive done." Sirius nodded, recognizing the odd tiredness and sadness in McGonagall's voice, but not understanding why she would feel that way. What was going on?

They were all taken to the trophy room first, where James and Lily were left with two large containers of polish and two rags. After McGonagall informed them that she would be back in two hours to check their progress, she left to escort Sirius down to the grounds to meet the school's gamekeeper, a large somewhat reserved though warm man called Ogg.

They met him at the bottom of the steps leading into the castle. The rain had ceased from earlier that afternoon but the grass was still noticeably wet. Everything outside was indeed dark already as the days were beginning to grow shorter this close to Halloween. With a quick greeting to Ogg and a reminder to have Sirius back inside either when they were finished or after 2 and a half hours had passed, McGonagall left. After Sirius was handed off to the quiet gamekeeper, he thought he'd try his luck asking about his punishment again. "So what are we going to do since it's dark out?"

Ogg said nothing, but handed him a lantern and waved his arm in a following motion as he began to walk away from the school. Sirius wasn't surprised by the silent response, but shrugged and fell into step behind. After about 5 minutes Sirius started to get worried. They were walking over near the Whomping Willow. Ogg stopped Sirius well outside the reach of the branches, extinguished his lantern, and had Sirius do the same. What we do tonight, you can't tell no one 'bout, yeah? This in't some common form o' detention, but Professor McGonagall deemed it was appropr'ate in this case. Sirius began to feel fear. What was so shady that he wasn't allowed to tell people about it, and why was it his detention?

Ogg reached into his pocket and pulled out a rod. After somehow extending it into a long metal stick, without his wand Sirius thought, he reached over and poked a knot at the base of the tree. When the tree stopped moving Sirius was astonished, so much so that he almost missed it when Ogg climbed down between what looked like two roots. Sirius scrambled to follow him and found himself in a long tunnel. Suddenly, he could see better and realized that the gamekeeper had turned his lantern back on. He looked around to see where he was. The tunnel seemed to start under the base of the tree, and continued around a bend where the lantern's light ended. The walls were made of dirt and were larger than what would be needed for an ordinary human. Sirius turned and followed the gamekeeper as he left with the only source of light through the tunnel, walking in silence. After a pause of two or three minutes Ogg spoke to him without turning around. "Yer friend, Remus….," he hesitated, obviously choosing his words carefully.

Sirius' attention had been captured and he had a funny feeling about what Ogg was going to say next. "Yeah?"

"This is where he comes e'ry month."

Sirius was astonished and for a moment stopped walking. He had only known for about a month that Remus was even a werewolf. After a few moments Sirius realized they were climbing a set of stairs. When they emerged into what looked like a house Sirius became even more confused. This detention was getting weirder by the minute.

"Here," Ogg said from somewhere behind him. Sirius turned around and gasped at what he saw. A wall near the lower part of the stairs was collapsed, and a few of the bottom wooden stairs had planks that had been pulled up. It looked as if the boards in the wall next to the stairs had been broken by a large weight, and that the weight of the second floor might cause the wall to collapse at any minute. "Yer friend did this. A few weeks back. We're gonna fix it." He said it so matter-o-factly. Like Remus was _his_ friend, not Sirius'. Suddenly, Sirius realized what it was going to mean to be Remus' friend. This is what it was going to be. These were the things he was capable of, and when he became this, they were going to have to help him afterwards. Including the ugly part of it. Sirius had thought they'd be able to play pranks and jokes to help make Remus forget the horrible things that happened to him every month, but now he understood. There was no forgetting this. Only accepting it. Suddenly Sirius understood. He set down his lantern on the side of the room so that the light illuminated the whole wall and the tools that had already been laid out. None of it was going to be left hidden in the dark. Not anymore, he was going to see all of it. He bit his lip and took off his cloak, pushing back his long sleeves.

"Alright. Let's get started."

Meanwhile, Lily and James had been scrubbing at the various trophies in their cases for a little more than half an hour. The room was almost dead silent except for the occasional squeak of a rag.

"James, you've been cleaning that same trophy for almost 10 minutes," Lily said as she continued to clean the large special award trophy she was working on.

"I'm just admiring them. One day I'll have some quidditch trophies in here." He continued to clean as the silence filled the room once more. "I can't wait for the first match next month," he added casually.

"Oh that's right," Lily said. "I almost forgot you made the team this year. Congrats."

"Thanks. I got lucky since Ashbury left last year. He was a really good chaser."

The silence continued, but Lily didn't feel like it was an awkward silence. It felt almost nice, to be able to be in the same room with someone, doing a mundane task, and not feel the _need _to speak. Eventually, the boredom started becoming a bit much. Just as she was considering striking up a conversation, James apparently had the same idea.

"So why are you in detention Lily?"

She groaned but decided to tell him anyway. "You remember on Tuesday in Charms with the Slytherins? When we worked on Summoning Charms?"

James was a bit confused. "Yeah?"

"Well," here she started to get a bit embarrassed. "Remember when I accidentally banished that Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Bean up Bellatrix' nose?"

James just started laughing. When he finally calmed down a bit he replied. "Yeah."

She smiled sheepishly. "It wasn't an accident."

James felt his mouth drop open. "Really?"

"Yeah. Flitwick called me on it though. I'm just glad he didn't do it in front of the rest of the class, but waited till afterwards."

James started chuckling again. "Wow. I didn't know you had it in you."

Lily wasn't sure what that meant, but she went along with it anyway. "Well I do." After a minute she asked, "So what are you here for? Hexing Slytherin's?" She said it as a joke, not anticipating his response.

"Just one."

Lily gave him a bit of a dirty look. After he didn't go on she felt the need to ask. "Well?" When James shot her an inquiring look she elaborated. "Which one?"

James gave half a snort. "Do you even need to ask? It was Snape?"

Lily started to get mad. "Why do you provoke him so much? You're always so mean to him."

James sighed. "It goes back a bit, but I think we just really don't like each other. He used to run with Sirius' family, and that's where it comes from. It's really not my business to be telling. He's just ... not a nice person."

Lily shook her head. "But I still don't get it. I mean I know that he provokes you at least half the time, but I mean, why can't you just ignore him? If he's so horrible why can't you just pretend he doesn't exist or something?"

She shrugged it off like it was no big deal, but it wasn't for James to explain to her. He wasn't really going to explain it to anyone. He didn't even know if it really could be explained. Most of the time he didn't feel the need to go explain his actions to people at all, but this was different. He didn't know why but for some reason he felt like Lily Evans might actually be able to understand. So he tried anyway. He stopped polishing the trophy he was working on. "Lily, is there someone that was close to you by association, either willingly or unwillingly, that just turned on you? Not even about big things, but about little things maybe?"

Lily also stopped. She wasn't sure where he was going with this. She was about to say no, almost reflexively. Like that question couldn't really have anything to do with why James disliked Severus. The word was almost out of her mouth when she was suddenly reminded of an event just this past summer.

Petunia had been forced by her mother to take Lily with her to the movies when she went to meet her friends. Lily had been delighted. All of her friends from school were somewhat out of touch at the time, and to be able to interact like normal, like she use to, and with her sister in the muggle world sounded wonderful. Petunia had introduced her to two of her friends and on the way to the movie had started showing off Lily and how smart she was. Lily had tried to make Petunia proud, and to prove that she was smart, since her sister was trying to prove so to her friends. But she ran into a bit of trouble when they started asking about her school and what classes she was taking. Later on before the movie started Lily had gone to the bathroom. As she returned she heard a bit of their conversation before they noticed her. One of Petunia's friends was laughing and the other saying, "Gosh Pet you were so right. She is so stuck up. You must get no peace at home." Lily was shocked. Petunia had been manipulating her to make herself look better and to make Lily look awful. Since that incident, she hadn't really spoken to her sister much. She was forcefully brought back to the present when she heard James' voice. "Lily?"

She cleared her throat and looked down to keep cleaning, letting a bit of hair fall in her face. "Yes, yes there was."

James nodded. So she did understand. At least a little bit. The silence stretched on for a while before James spoke again. "So tell me about your family. I don't think I've ever met them. I've seen them on the platform before though."

Lily shook her head a bit to remove her musings about her sister. "Well, there's mum and dad. My dad's name is Richard and my mum's name is Deborah, but everyone calls her Daisy. Dad's a teacher at a small local college. Mum use to work as a sales agent for a publishing company but she hasn't done that since my sister and I were born really. Then there is my sister, Petunia. She's two years older than me and isn't magical, and I think she likes me less because I am. I don't know what else there is to say. What about your family?"

"Well. I don't have any siblings." He paused chuckling, "unless you want to count Sirius. He's the closest thing I've ever had to a brother. My dad's name in Henry, and he's an Auror. My mum Christine doesn't work, but she's a wonderful woman. She's always volunteering or helping with some charity or another. She runs the house really and keeps Da in line. He's a bit absent minded." They worked in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. "You've met my mum before, on the platform before first year."

There was an awkward silence as Lily didn't say anything. They both knew it was true, that it did happen, but Lily didn't know what to say to that comment. Somehow she didn't think _yeah right after you pretended to be my friend and right before you ditched me_ was appropriate. But it turned out she didn't have to say anything because James had started talking again.

"I know that not talking to you after promising to be your friend must have really hurt. I'm sorry. I talked to Allison about it, because I couldn't figure out why you were so mad at me the other day when I was just trying to carry on a friendly conversation with you. It was just that at the time, if I had tried to tell me friends that I wanted to be friends with a girl --,"

"James stop."

"But --,"

"No really. You don't need to explain. It's ok. It was a while ago. I'm just glad you understand."

"So you forgive me then?"

"Of course." They fell back into that comfortable silence.

"So Lily, do you think we could try again? To be friends I mean."

"Yeah. I do." Another silence. "And James?"

"Yeah?"

"It's not that I was mad at you. I was just having a bad day, and trying to get my homework done."

"Ok." He wasn't completely convinced, but it didn't matter because she forgave him. Maybe they could be friends. Real friends.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Ok it's a little bit short but life had been really super hectic and I haven't been able to get anything up in a while. Also this is the less exciting part of the story, so it takes ****_much much much _more inspiration and incentive to write. But anyways, here it is, without much editing, so please ignore any wonderfully embarrassing grammar or spelling mistakes... **

Lily pulled her cloak around her as she strolled through Hogsmeade with Allison. It was the last weekend before the break and they were both out trying to get all their Christmas gifts. The snow fell gently as they slowly walked side by side down the street. Many other students were about, but most had either finished shopping or were taking a break for lunch, leaving the streets a little emptier than usual. Lily was trying to teach Allison how to window shop since she had already been dragged into what seemed like half the stores in the village. Lily already had most of her gifts, since she already knew what she was going to buy for her family ahead of time. Allison, however, only had about half her shopping done and was busy trying to find the perfect gift for her mom, who she claimed was the hardest person in the world to shop for. As Lily got dragged into another clothing store she left Allison to go browsing on her own.

"Lily. Lils come here. I need your opinion." Allison shouted from across the store a few minutes later.

"Ugh, Ali I told you I don't know what your mother would prefer, I'm not very good at that sort of thing," Lily replied as she found Allison holding two comfortable looking turtleneck sweaters, one in each hand.

"I know. I know. But just tell me – red," she held up one sweater. "Or purple."

Lily sighed. "Purple, not very many people look good in red," she explained.

"Oh Lils you're just biased because you don't like the way you look in red with your hair." She looked at the two sweaters again, "but maybe you're right, my mom does have very pink skin…." Allison's gaze shifted to the shelves of sweaters as if inspiration would appear. "Oh but what about this green? She does like green…."

Lily sighed and turned around. Allison was the indecisive one. It was best to just let her eventually decide what she wanted because no one's opinion mattered to her much at all really. She was still going to doubt her decision no matter what it was. She glanced around as she waited for her opinion to eventually be demanded again, when a few racks of socks nearby caught her eye.

_Magical Retention Socks. Each pair can hold up to one charm. 25 off. _

Huh. How did those work? Lily pondered the idea of a sock that could hold one charm and what she would put on a pair of her socks. She would charm hers to keep her feet from getting cold, she had horrible circulation in her hands and feet. She considered buying some for Christmas presents when she suddenly remembered a conversation she had with James two weeks before. He had come into the common room one evening a little bit later than the rest of the team. It was pouring outside, she remembered, and already getting cold. The weather was warm enough that the rain remained rain, but cold enough that it stung when it hit you. James had dragged himself through to portrait hole and was heading over to the fire, where she was curled up in an armchair reading the homework for Charms. "How was practice?" she had asked. He looked sopping wet, she recalled, and you could see the mud sticking to the soles of his shoes from the walk up to the tower.

"Wet," he had replied humorously. "No really though, it was ok," he amended at the look she gave him. "We were trying to learn a new formation but I was having trouble with it so it made for a frustrating practice."

Lily was curious. "Is that why you came back later than everyone else?" she asked. "They were all through here almost half an hour or so ago."

"Yeah," he replied, running his hand through his hair, which was dripping water all over the place. "I just don't like feeling behind. It's hard enough being the youngest on the team. I don't want to feel like I'm holding us back or anything."

Lily smiled sympathetically. "It's alright. It'll all work out. I'm surprised you stayed out there though in this weather."

He grinned. "It's alright really. I like the rain. The worst part is my socks."

"Your socks?" Lily asked incredulously.

"Yeah. I just don't like the feeling of wet socks. I don't mind if the rest of my is soaking wet, if my feet are dry I feel fine."

"Uh huh," Lily replied.

"Yup. It's true I swear." He paused for a minute, soaking up the warmth from the fire. "Well, I'm gonna go get clean and start on that Transfiguration essay for tomorrow. I'll see you later."

"Sure."

Lily was suddenly pulled back to reality but Allison's voice. "Lily. Lily. Are you ready?"

"Hmm? Sorry I zoned out."

"Yeah I noticed. Are you ready to go? I need to pay and then I was thinking we could grab some lunch."

"Yeah sure," replied Lily as she grabbed two pairs of socks off the rack. One pair was gold and scarlet, and the other a bright lime green.

"You're getting those?" Allison asked as they walked to the front.

"Yeah."

"For who?"

"One pair is for me and the other is for a friend of mine," said Lily.

"Uh huh. Alright well let's hurry, I'm hungry."

After they finished making their purchases and Allison had finally taken Lily's opinion and bought the purple sweater the two girls made their way to the Three Broomsticks.

* * *

"Hey James, you ready? Let's go man," said Sirius. 

"Yeah hang on, I'll meet you guys outside," he said. He had just noticed Lily and Allison walk in and take a seat at a table.

"Alright, whatever," responded Sirius ask he, Remus and Peter made their way out to the street.

James walked over to where Lily and Allison where sitting. They had just finished placing their orders and were chatting rather quietly. "Hi Lily," he said as he arrived. "Hi Allison."

Lily smiled at him. "Hey James. How's it going?"

"Good. I'm all done with my Christmas shopping so I'm just kind of tagging along today."

Lily laughed and rolled her eyes. "I know the feeling. I just bought my last gift and Allison here still has like six people to shop for."

Allison laughed also and playfully threw a napkin at Lily. "Hey now, I'm not that bad! It's only four."

James just chuckled easily. It was true he had already bought all of his gifts, including one for Lily, but he wasn't going to tell her that. "Alright well you girls have fun. I have to go before Sirius decides to come back in and drag me out."

"Ok well we'll see you later," said Allison as he left.

* * *

A few weeks later found James sitting in Potter Manor in the library on Boxing Day. His dad was back at work and his mom was working on cleaning out the closets just like she did this time every year, leaving him to amuse himself. Sirius had chosen to stay at school this year just like the past two breaks. Even though James told Sirius he was welcome at his house, and even though he visited the Manor every summer, Sirius still decided he was going to stay at school. James suspected part of it was that this winter Remus would be staying at school while his parent's were gone, and that there had been a full moon 3 days before Christmas this year. James knew Remus would be exhausted. 

James mulled over the book he had gotten Remus for Christmas this year. It was called _Secrets to Lazy Studying_ and was intended for students that needed to relearn material and cram for tests right beforehand because they were lazy. But James had bought it for Remus thinking that maybe it would help him after he missed two days of school and didn't get any sleep and was falling asleep in class for a few days. He also thought about Lily's gift that she had given him. He had bought her a gift, but hadn't expected to receive one from her. It looked down at his sock-clad feet and wiggled his toes. Her gift was actually rather amusing and thoughtful after their conversation. He remembered the time he had come back from practice absolutely soaked, only complaining that he hated when his socks got wet. His train of thought then led him to think about his gift to her.

He had gotten her a pack of sugar quills and some white chocolates. He knew she loved the sugar quills, she could regularly be seen with one in class, but he also figured he was one of the only people to know that she didn't like chocolate. James knew that she actually only liked white chocolate. He had found out a few days before they left. She had seemed a bit down about the Christmas holidays during DADA and he had told her jokingly that if the upcoming break didn't cheer her up then chocolate cake would have to be her last resort. She had smiled a little bit and replied that she actually didn't like chocolate, but that some white chocolate sounded wonderful.

James returned to his book on werewolves and continued reading. He was trying to figure out what it was exactly that Remus went through every month. Sirius and Peter had agreed that there had to be some way that they could help. _Unlike animagi, werewolves do not have the free ability to change into animal form._ Hmmm. James remembered McGonagall mentioning something about animagi once. He couldn't remember what she had said, but what the book seemed to be implying is that they _could_ willingly change into animal form. He marked his page and set the book down, before getting up to scan the shelves for another book. They had to have a book here somewhere that had information about animagi in it. He'd just have to find it.

**A/N: Yeah, that's it I know. I didn't get much done but oh well. I'll try to get another chapter up sometime this week but we'll see what I can do. This part of the story tends to take a little more planning as it is that fun part called "development" that is really important but not as much fun to write. What would make it more fun is if you would REVIEW! Really I mean it only takes like 10 seconds at the most. You don't even have to write much. This story gets kind of hard to write sometimes with everything else going on. If you actually read it and want me to keep writing it that TELL ME! I would really love to know and as stupid and bribing as it sounds it would actually make me update faster if I knew people were waiting on chapters. Anyways, that's my speech. **


	8. Chapter 8

Chp 8 

A Wednesday evening in early February found James Potter sprawled across an armchair in front of the common room fire and immersed in a book. The Gryffindor common room was strangely empty for a weeknight, but James wasn't too concerned with why that was. Instead, he was deep into a rather small book called Human Transfiguration: The Theory Behind Changing Yourself. He had brought the book back from Potter Manor after the Christmas break since a large portion of the book was devoted to the idea behind animagus transformation. He remembered talking to Sirius and Peter about his idea three weeks earlier during Remus' transformation.

They had met in an unused classroom. The same classroom they had been in when they confronted Remus earlier in the school year. James was a little unsure when he had pitched the idea at first, but the response from the other boys had reminded him of the reason he had come up with the idea in the first place. Especially the response from Peter, who was the first to speak, "I don't know James. This is really really advance magic. I mean, we're only fourteen. What if something went wrong?"

Sirius had jumped in. "So what if it's advanced? I bet you we could do it." He turned to James and brushed his hair out of his eyes. "If you can figure out how, tell me and I'm in."

James nodded.

Peter shook his head, "I dunno…I mean….I'm just not sure about this."

James responded before Sirius could jumped down his throat. "Come on Pete, do you really have to think about it that much? We're doing it for Remus."

Peter opened his mouth and closed it again. When he didn't say anything Sirius got up from his seat on top of the desk. "I can't believe you. This is Remus, Pete. For gods' sakes be a little selfless. He's your friend!"

Peter sat there in silence and after a few seconds of eye contact with an angry Sirius, dropped his gaze, nodding in a resigned way. "You're right. We ought to do it," he paused and exhaled loudly, "for Remus."

* * *

Meanwhile, on that same Wednesday evening, Lily and Allison were leaving the library after a few hours of studying.

"Hey Lily! Allison!" They had just made it into the hallway when they saw David Murphy, a fourth year Ravenclaw, making his way towards them.

"Hi David," Lily replied pleasantly. Allison just stood by smiling and gave a small wave. Lily knew Allison had a crush on David, and not without good reason. He wasn't very tall, but he was lean with light brown, wavy hair that came to just below his ears; and bright, almost electric blue eyes. Lily was glad for her friend, and glad that he had stopped to talk to them. Since Allison didn't seem to be able to say much Lily kept the conversation going with David, recounting at his request the prank James and Sirius had pulled in Flitwick's class last week. After a minute or two Allison started to join the discussion and Lily was about to excuse herself when David asked if he could have a word with her alone. She was momentarily stunned. Figuring that maybe it had something to do with Allison, she agreed.

"I'll go ahead and head on up to the common room. See you guys later," Allison said, quickly covering a confused look as she made her way around the corner.

Lily turned back to David and was about to ask what he wanted to talk to her about when he just came right out and said it. "Lily, would you like to go to the next Hogsmeade weekend with me?"

Lily's mouth dropped and she heard a quiet gasp followed by quick footsteps. She knew instantly that Allison must have stopped around the corner to listen. David apparently hadn't heard it and was still waiting for her answer. She thought quickly and answered, "I can't. Sorry. I'm already going with some friends, but I'll uhh….see you later k?" And without waiting for an answer she took off after Allison.

She caught her just as she was entering the portrait hole.

* * *

Suddenly, the portrait hole opened and admitted Allison and Lily. James hadn't glanced up from his book to see who it was, but rather what was going on since Lily seemed to be in the middle of apologizing profusely for something. A quick glance around the common room told James that besides himself and the girls only a few sixth year students were in the room, playing exploding snap in the back corner. He tried to go back to his book, but found his attention was captured by the argument between the two girls. James kept his eyes trained to the text while trying to listen in on the hushed argument between Lily and Allison.

"But Allison I didn't know he was going to ask me! I thought maybe he wanted to talk about you!"

"Whatever Lily, I just…can't believe you. The least you could have done was told me."

"But Aly that's what I'm trying to tell you…I don't like him, nothing is going on, I even ---."

"I don't care Lily. That's just fine. Go with him, see what I care. I just can't believe you would do something like that to your own best friend. In fact, I don't even know if we are best friends right now."

"Aly come on, it's not that big of a deal. I'm sorry."

"Not a big deal? Lily! Ugh. I'm just…I'll see you later." And with that Allison promptly turned back around and marched back out through the portrait hole.

Lily threw her hands up in the air exasperated, and without even looking around the common room walked straight up the stairs to her dorm.

* * *

Half an hour later found James still in the common room, this time with Sirius as they both worked on their Transfiguration homework. James had finished and was trying to check over his essay before he went to bed, but he couldn't stop thinking about Lily's fight with Allison. He had seen them argue a bit over the years but this seemed like a pretty big fight for them and for some reason he wanted to make sure Lily was ok. He tried to imagine if he had a fight with Sirius where one of them stormed off declaring they weren't friends anymore. James decided he'd be pretty pissed. So it was after another ten minutes of pondering Lily's fight after Sirius had declared his homework finished and had gone to bed, that James decided he was going to see how Lily was.

She was obviously already asleep, and he thought about trying to catch her between classes tomorrow, but he didn't want to make her talk about it, and while they were friends he felt nervous that it wasn't really any of his business. It needed to be a little less confrontational, but still personal he decided. If they weren't at school he could write her a letter, but – wait. Why not, he thought. She'd get it in the morning at breakfast and no one else would know, and if she wanted to answer him she could. James was so excited with his solution that he grabbed a blank piece of parchment and a quill and realized, that he didn't really know what to say. After a few minutes of thought he came up with something that he felt was personable and concerned, but not too nosy. And if it was, well, he was a guy, he didn't claim to be subtle or sensitive.

_Lily, _

_I saw your fight with Allison last night in the common room, don't worry I was the only one around really. Are you ok though? I don't think I've ever seen you guys fight so badly. Actually, normally you guys get along great. I just wanted to make sure you were ok and tell you that I'm around if you get pissed off or just need someone to vent to about it. _

_James_

_P.S. Yeah, I know it is kind of weird that I'm sending you an owl while we're both at school, but hey we both knew I was a little crazy right?_

There. He hoped the part about him being a little bit crazy cheered her up some. James tried to think about what he would do if he and Sirius fought that bad. First off they probably wouldn't speak to each other for a few days, and actually it would suck for Remus because he would catch both sides of their ranting. But it occurred to James that he didn't know if Lily had any other close friends to rant to. He thought that they were friends, but he didn't know what she thought about it. At least this way she knew that she could talk to him, especially since he had already seen some of the fight, even if he didn't have a clue what was going on. He quickly slipped up to the owlery under his invisibility cloak and gave his letter to one of the school owls with directions to give her the letter at breakfast, before quickly heading back to his dorm and heading to bed.

**A/N: Ok this is a little bit shorter than normal and I'm not very happy with the end of the chapter. It might be a little bit rough because I didn't get to edit it like normal. I just got back in town and wanted to get this chapter up. I've been having some trouble with writers block recently, mostly because I find these early chapters more boring to write. To me all the exciting stuff starts happening like 6th and 7th years, but now that they are friends we'll start flying through this faster I hope. There will probably be only like 4 chapters or so a year for the next two years. But then again everytime I start a chapter with an idea in mind, my characters completely change it. Anyways, please review because it is wonderful to know that it is being read and whether or not people actually like it.   
**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: First off I'd like to dedicate this chapter to iluvreading, for all the lovely reviews that I've gotten. Almost half of all my reviews actually. Thank you!**

Thursday morning Lily woke up in a groggy mood. She noticed on her way to the bathroom that Allison must have already gone down to breakfast in an attempt to avoid her. Twenty minutes later Lily was on her way to the Great Hall to grab some breakfast before her first class. She had taken a little less care with her appearance that morning. Her blouse was a little wrinkled and her robe was thrown on in an almost haphazard way. Her long red hair was pulled up in a somewhat messy bun and she hadn't put on any makeup. SO it was in a tired mood with a lower self-confidence than normal that Lily took a seat at the Gryffindor table alone. Moments after she had sat down and grabbed a few pieces of toast the mail flew in. It took a few minutes before she realized that the small tawny owl in front of her had a letter for her. She had just received a letter from her parents 2 days ago and her sister _never_ wrote her. So who would possibly be sending her a letter? She scanned the letter quickly and glanced at down the table to where James and his friends were sitting, to see that he was looking at her out of the corner of his eye. When he saw she was looking at her he looked down at his plate and smirked sheepishly. She had to admit that she was surprised at the letter, but she was also extremely grateful. Since she gathered from this morning that Allison might not be talking to her for a while, she was glad to have someone to talk to. Realizing the time, she grabbed her last piece of toast, shoved her letter into her pocket, and made her way to History of Magic, composing a response in her head.

* * *

James was gazing off into space during History of Magic just like normal, trying to ignore Sirius drooling next to him. Suddenly he felt something poke the side of his head. He pulled his gaze away from Remus trying to shove Peter off his notes in front of him and realized that a charmed paper airplane was the source of his annoyance. He glanced around the room and saw Lily catch his gaze from across the room and smile at him. HE opened the letter and began to read.

_James,_

_I'm ok. This was actually a pretty big fight for us. She's really mad at me if you didn't already notice. Since this would be hard to explain otherwise I'll go ahead and tell you what happened. Just, don't tell anyone else ok? Do you know David Murphy in Ravenclaw? Well Allison has had a crush on him since second year. Yesterday he was talking to us outside the library and asked if he could have a moment alone with me. Since I thought that maybe he wanted to talk about Ali, I agreed. Well, then he asked me to Hogsmeade this weekend! What's worse is that Allison was eavesdropping on our conversation and thought I had purposely made him like me! Like I would do something like that! Ugh. I told David I was going with a group of friends already and made a quick escape. So now I have __2__ problems. Now that Allison isn't going to speak to me or even consider going with me I'm probably going to have to avoid going to Hogsmeade. It's not like it'd be any fun going by myself in a bad mood anyway. And the other problem is much worse. I'm almost afraid to mention it, but I think that maybe Allison was serious when she said we weren't best friends anymore. I just don't know what to do._

_Lily_

_P.S. Is Sirius really drooling over there? I think I can see it from here…._

James sniggered at the last line and then proceeded to start his response just before the bell rang.

_Lily, _

_Yes he is. He drools in History of Magic probably nine times out of ten. I'm sorry about what happened. It doesn't seem like you did anything wrong, but I don't think that you'll convince Allison of that anytime soon. I don't understand girls at all, but she seemed pretty mad, so I guess you'll just have to wait until she apologizes. I won't tell anyone what happened. I'm sure that you and Allison will work it out eventually though, and you'll be just as good friends as you were before this all happened. And besides, I have a great idea. Why don't you come to Hogsmeade with Sirius, Remus, Peter, and me? It'd be loads of fun and this way you'll be going in a group so David won't realize that you completely blew him off (even though you did). _

_James_

_P.S. How weird does it feel to be sending each other letters throughout the school day? Kinda fun though yeah?_

Lily actually giggled for the first time that day during Charms that afternoon when she received James' letter. She also was finally looking forwards to Hogsmeade this weekend. Why not go with them? She and James were friends. And she had worked with Remus during their last DADA project and seemed like a perfectly nice bloke. Besides, what were her other options? Stay? No, Lily Evans was going to go. And she was going to have fun.

* * *

The Hogsmeade weekend had gone brilliantly in James' opinion. Lily had agreed to spend the day with the group and he was sure she had a good time and was able to forget her fight with Allison. What was even better was that in the 2 months since that weekend, Lily had begun to hang out with the group more often and even sit with them at meals most of the time. At first James thought it was because now, with Allison not around as much, Lily didn't really have anyone to hang out with. But after a month Allison had apologized and although they were again friends, they weren't nearly as close as they use to be. While Lily had begun to hang out with James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, Allison had begun to hang out more with the other girls in their dorm, and a few of the fourth years in the class above them.

It was now late April and James and Remus were in the library working on homework one Sunday night. Both boys were behind. Remus because of the last full moon and James because of the excessive Quidditch practices scheduled last week that had culminated in the last match of the season just the day before. Gryffindor had lost the cup after a though battle against Ravenclaw, but James felt good about their chances for next year.

Suddenly, a charmed paper airplane landed on James' essay. Remus must have seen it because he glanced at James and lifted his eyebrows inquisitively. He knew that this was a habit Lily and James had developed, but wisely didn't say anything. What was there to say anyway? James opened it, ready to scan the page, but was surprised when he found it empty. He was even more surprised when he saw writing begin to appear as if it was at that moment being written in what was quickly becoming familiar as Lily's handwriting.

_Hey. Isn't this cool? I have a piece of paper I write on, and you can write back to me on your piece. Just wipe it off with your hand and write and it will show up on my piece._

James stared at the paper for a minute before he tried it. He felt a bit foolish at first, trying to wipe the writing off the parchment with his hand, but he wasn't too surprised with it worked.

_This is cool. Can you see this?_

He waited as the writing faded away.

_Yes. Write something else._

_I don't know. How do these work?_

_It's a charm I found, but it won't stay on the paper for more than a few hours._

_Why not?_

_Something to do with the properties of the paper and the nature of the charm. How is the library?_

_Wow. This is impressive. Library is alright, I'm getting work done at least. Remus is here too. _

_Oh yeah? Why? _

_Um. He was sick earlier in the week remember? So he's a bit behind too. _

_Oh right. You almost done with your work?_

_Yeah. Just a bit of DADA left. Why?_

_Good, cause I just finished meeting with my group for my Arithmancy project and I'm hungry. _

_Haha. You wanna run down to the kitchens for a snack?_

_Yes please. I'm dropping my stuff off in the common room right now._

_Sure thing, let me finish up my conclusion._

_Ok. I'll meet you in the library in a few minutes._

James quickly finished up his essay and turned to Remus. "Hey, Lily and I are gonna run to the kitchens for a bit. You want to come?"

Remus shook his head without looking up from his writing. "No thanks. I'll leave you two to it."

"Alright, if you're sure. See you."

"See you." Remus smiled to himself as James left the library. If those two weren't dating in a year, Remus would be shocked.

* * *

In the typical fashion of Hogwarts the year finished up with exams and a trip back to London on the Hogwarts Express. And just like every year on Platform 9 ¾ friends said goodbye, promised to write, and parted ways for the summer.

As Lily Evans exited the train she saw her parents and her sister almost immediately. Knowing she had to make her good byes to her friends rather quickly by the ugly looks her sister was shooting people on the platform as she tapped her foot, Lily turned to her 4 friends behind her. Peter and Sirius were the first off the train behind her, followed closely by Remus.

"Well. I hope you guys all have great summers. My parents are just over there so I've got to get going. It's a really long drive back and my sister looks like she's in a bad mood. You'll all take care of yourself won't you?"

"Course we will Lily," replied Sirius. He laughed, his gray eyes laughing along with him, "How dare you think otherwise? I'm almost offended."

She smiled. "Almost." She had already said most of her good byes, including to Allison and her dorm mates on the train. But there was still one person left. "Wait. Where's James?"

Remus glanced around, also noticing for the first time that James was missing. "I don't know. He was right behind me on the train."

"Let me go look for him. I'll see you guys in September ok?" There was a chorus of good byes from the boys as she pushed her way past some first years to get back on the train and met James in the hallway. He seemed to know she was looking for him because he answered her question before she could even ask it.

"A first year spilt his trunk everywhere trying to get off. I stopped to help him pick all his stuff up."

She smiled teasingly at him. "Always having to help first years pick up their trunks aren't you?"

He laughed as he caught the joke. "Come on, let's get off this thing." They walked off the train to see the other three a ways down the platform talking to James' parents. Before James could join them Lily put her hand on his elbow, stopping him.

"My parents and my sister are just over there and I really need to be going. I'll see you in September though yeah?"

James thought it was funny, her asking like it was a question. Like he wouldn't be here waiting for her, still her friend in three months time. "Course. You'll write won't you?" he asked as she turned to go.

She looked back over her shoulder at him, her green eyes twinkling mischievously as she repeated his response back to him. "Course."

Lily looked once more into his warm hazel eyes, before turning to meet her parents.

**A/N: Ok. Few things. (1)Sorry for all the dialogue there in the middle but I'm a fan of dialogue over action. Can get boring. Part of the reason that (2) I'm kinda trying to rush through a bit and cover the big things to progress along so I can get to the part that is more fun for me to write. (3) Also this story is going to apparently focus more on Lily and James and the character development that I had planned for the rest of my characters has kind of gone out the window for a few reasons. My characters seem to want it that way (I really can't control them) and I'm having a tough time writing this story when I'm so busy and I feel like it's not being very well recieved. So yeah. I'm going to keep trying to stuggle through it, but it's tough this time of year and I'm serious, I could really really use some support in the form of REVIEWS!!! Especially in terms of what you guys want to see more of or less of. Let me know!! **


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Ok, so this chapter is for all those wonderful people who reviewed. And they are also the reason this chapter is going to be up about 4 days before it would be otherwise. So thank them. Or better yet – be one of them!! All it takes is 5 seconds of your time. Enjoy….**

* * *

On the morning of September the first, James Potter was dragging his trunk along behind him as he searched the platform for one of his best friends. He hadn't seen her yet, but something told him it wasn't _quite _time. He glanced up at the clock as it ticked over to 10:47 and quickly scanned the platform for the umpteenth time.

* * *

Lily quickly embraced her mother, kissed her father's cheek, and ignored her sister sitting in the parked car before turning around and making her way through the crowds to Platform 9 ¾ to begin her 4th school year. As she came through the barrier entrance she began scanning the platform for her friends, and although she wouldn't admit it, one friend in particular. She had been owling him all summer and she felt like now she knew him better than ever, and that he knew her better than anyone. Her right hand released her trolley trunk to touch nervously at her hair. Suddenly, she saw him standing near a tall pillar under a large, round clock. As Lily approached him she felt her excitement at seeing one of her best friends again grow. The time seemed to rush past her until she had seemingly reached him, released her trunk trolley, and embraced him, all in one fluid motion. She didn't know what made her do it, and when she realized what she had done her first thought was to recoil and stutter what was sure to be an awkward apology. But just as soon as the thought had entered her head, a new one replaced it, as he reacted by pulling her just as close and returning her embrace. _This is…right._

* * *

James didn't know what to think. He had barely spotted Lily before she was in his arms. He wasn't use to naturally just taking his best friend into his arms in a tight hug as if it was the most natural thing it the world (it wasn't something he, Sirius, and Remus usually did to show affection). But as he realized that his arms had snaked around her back and held her just as tightly, and that his face was suddenly mingling with her faintly scented hair, he realized that this – with Lily – felt completely natural. After he didn't know how long she pulled away, and he quickly filled the silence. "Your haircut looks good. I told you it was fine."

Lily smiled sheepishly and tucked her new shorter hair behind her ear. James, suddenly had a strange sense of deja vue as he remembered a nervous, redheaded first year making the same gesture. "Thanks," she said. "You don't think it's too… different?" Her hair had grown longer during her third year and had been at the bottom of her shoulder blades by the middle of the summer before she decided she wanted something different to start the year off. She had gotten it cut to just below her shoulders, but in a bit of a daring move had gotten it cut not only different lengths (something her hair stylist had called "layers") but she had also been convinced by her stylist to get some bangs. Lily had protested at first, claiming that she had spent two years growing her bangs out, and since her hair was wavy those straight bangs in the front looked ridiculous. They had eventually compromised on some short, side swept bangs and Lily was happy with the look, but was afraid that it was just such a … change. James had assured her that it probably looked fine, and that if it didn't she could always fix it with magic when they got to school anyway.

James shook his head and led her over to where his parents were standing. After introducing Lily to his parents, the two of them loaded their trunks on the train and went to look for Sirius, Remus, and Peter. They finally found them in a compartment on the train. "Hey guys, were looking for you," said Lily as she entered the compartment just in front of James.

"Hi Lily," said Remus as he looked up from a chess game he was playing against Peter, who in response to Lily's greeting nodded and gave a small wave.

"Hello Lily love," said Sirius putting on a charming grin, his eyes twinkling with amusement. Lily rolled her eyes at the nickname, which was apparently new, and knew he was up to something. "Why don't you come sit over here with me?"

Lily smiled and sat on the other bench across from him. "Yes, but Sirius you've stretched your legs out and are taking up the whole bench. That would be a problem."

"Problem? What problem?" said Sirius, feigning confusion. "There's plenty of room for you right here in my lap."

Lily laughed a bit and James snorted, trying to keep his contained. "Wow Sirius, what did you spend the summer doing that you got so many bad pick up lines."

"James I spent a good half the summer at your house."

"Ouch," said Peter from his place on the floor.

James put both his hands up to his heart, "Ooh. I've been wounded."

* * *

After about an hour or two Lily went off to find Allison and some of her dorm mates and see how their summers had been. Shortly after she left there was silence in the compartment. Peter had gone to the loo and to find the trolley lady, complaining he was already hungry. Sirius had fallen asleep on the other bench and Remus sat next to him, reading a book. James had been staring out at the rolling landscape for a few minutes, lost in his thoughts when suddenly Remus spoke. "Did you write Lily over the summer?" He had asked the question rather nonchalantly, but something told James that there was more behind this question than he thought.

"Yeah. We owled each other a lot." There was silence as the train continued to roll. "Why?"

"No reason." After a minute James was disappointed with the conversation.

"What about you?"

Remus shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, a few times. Just the standard 'How's your summer going?' and 'What are you up to?' kind of stuff though."

James felt oddly proud that he was seemingly the only one that Lily had owled extensively over the summer. He felt like they had become better friends. Almost, and he hesitated to even think it as his thoughts and his eyes turned back towards the window, almost closer than he was with his own dorm mates. Or at least, they had the potential to be that close. They had been able to share a lot with each other over the summer. She had been able to confide in him not only about things as seemingly silly as her worries over her new haircut, but also the problems that she had been having with her sister. According to Lily, her older sister had started running with a snobbish, preppy crowd from her boarding school she had been attending since Lily's second year. Lily figured the only reason they were spending so much money to attempt to send Petunia to boarding school was after Lily started going to Hogwarts. They wanted to be fair, and give both of their daughters equal opportunities. But according to Lily, Petunia saw everything between them as a contest. This in particular was something that James couldn't wrap his head around, especially since he was an only child. The closest thing he had to a brother was Sirius, and while they competed in a friendly way (and on the very rare occasion in a not so friendly way), they were never competing against each other all the time.

And he'd been able to tell her stuff about his life too. He'd told her about these new things that he'd gotten called contacts to replace his glasses. Lily had already heard of them, seeing as how they were a muggle invention, but since she didn't wear glasses had never used them. His mom worked a lot of odd jobs, to fill her time sometimes. She had been working as a receptionist for an optometrist for a few months when she learned about them. James was also able to tell Lily his mom's response to her question when she wondered why his mom chose to work a lot of jobs in the muggle world. He said that she liked it because it made her feel like she was playing pretend. Being from a muggle family, Lily had found that hilarious, and had been dying to meet his mom since then. But he was also able to tell her about things that weren't so enjoyable. Like that fact that he saw far less of his father this summer than normal. His dad was an auror for the Ministry and James felt that something must be going of because of the obvious increased activity. He had asked his dad once about what was going on at work, but couldn't get anything out of him.

James pulled out of his thoughts long enough to check the time, and realizing they still had a few hours before they needed to get changed,  
he let his head loll back against the seat and he took a nap.

* * *

**A/N: K, I know it's a little bit shorter than normal and a little bit boring, but it's kinda catching you all up. Also I had planned this chapter and the next chapter as one, but this part was getting longer than I intended it to be, so I just went ahead and cut it off. The next chapter will probably be up before I leave town on Sunday (keep your fingers crossed). It should be a bit longer and I can promise it will have a little bit of quality Lily/James time and Lily is going to come to a BIG realization. wink wink** **Review!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: This chapter is for ellabell, LazyBoyGilmore, iluvreading, commando17, and Blonde Goddess, who are wonderful because they reviewed my last two chapters. This is a much longer chapter than normal, since ya'll seemed to want longer chapters, and this should tide you over till I get back in town on Wednesday. Please read the AN at the end of the chapter, because I have a question I want to put to you all, but it won't make sense till the end. So with that, enjoy!**

At breakfast about a week after classes had started, Lily plopped down in a seat to the left of Remus, and across from James and Sirius. Peter was sitting on Remus' other side. They had about 20 minutes till Potions that morning, and so Lily was it a better mood that normal for that time of the day. Normally, when asked Lily would claim she was not a morning person. The exception was when she was either looking forward to something, or had been up very early and for quite sometime, resigning herself to the fact that she was going to have to be awake. This morning, while not quite excited for Potions, she had woken up earlier than usual and spent a little extra time getting ready and convinced herself that today, she was going to be awake and pleasant at 7 in the morning. So it was in a good mood, and with a high self confidence that Lily sat down to breakfast with her friends that morning.

"Morning Lily," said Remus as he scanned the Daily Prophet. "Ready for Potions?" he asked.

Lily smiled and before she could answer, Sirius had done it for her. "Of course she is. It has to be her favorite class, because she's Slugy's favorite student. His voice dropped to try to imitate their rounded professor 'And another perfect example from Miss Evans!'" He picked his fork up out of his scrambled eggs and pointed it at her, putting on a serious face. "I'd watch out if I were you, I think he fancies you."

He had said it in such seriousness that Lily couldn't help but giggle a bit in response. She didn't know what to say to that, so instead responded in kind. "Yes well, at least I don't encourage his affections, which is more than I can say for you." Sirius looked confused for a second and Lily elaborated. She held both hands over her heart as she imitated Sirius. "'Of course I wasn't getting in to trouble Madam Huely, I got this black eyes trying to save a little first year from getting too close to the Whomping Willow.'"

Remus started laughing from behind his paper, clearly remembering the incident when Sirius had gotten into a fight with the Lestrange boy from Slytherin at the end of last year. Madam Huely had demanded to know what in the world Sirius had been doing to get a shiner _quite_ like that one.

"Yes but she secretly has a thing for James," he stage whispered behind his hand to Lily, while blatantly pointing his other hand at James, nearly poking him in the face with his fork.

James, who was in the middle of consuming a sizable cup of coffee and some toast, merely grunted at swatted at Sirius' hand. Lily reached for her orange juice. "A little tired James?" she asked casually.

"He's always like this," explained Remus.

Lily knew James wasn't a morning person, but neither was she. When she tried to explain that, she had hardly finished when Sirius let out a great laugh that sounded almost like a bark.

"If you, dear Lily, aren't usually a morning person, then James isn't usually an _afternoon_ person," he explained.

Lily smiled. Putting on the most innocently curious face she could muster she asked, "Oh what's wrong, is Madam Huely not returning his affections?" The other three boys laughed at her comment while James gave her a glare across his coffee cup for her early morning teasing.

* * *

It was on a Wednesday morning during break when James pulled Sirius aside for a minute. "It's done today," he whispered excitedly. "We can do it tonight. We'll go at midnight, while Remus is gone." Sirius only nodded his head, but the excitement and determination shined through in his eyes. He'd pass the information on to Peter later.

All that day in class, James couldn't contain his excitement. At Quidditch practice he was a mess, and got yelled at multiple times by the captain Adam Bugsly, a tall lanky 6th year that played Keeper. Fortunately, for James, the practice had mostly been focusing on the coordination of the two beaters, because James' mind was somewhere else completely. In fact, James' mind was in a new room they had found last month on the 7th floor corridor, thanks to a few house elves from the kitchens that they knew well from their frequent visits.

Over the summer, James had found the potion that would be the first solid step to turning himself and two of his friends into animagi. They had started it after a few weeks back at school and three weeks later it was ready. The fascinating room they had found provided them with anything they required and had been incredibly useful in helping to hide the potion from Remus, as well as provide all the rare ingredients they needed. Sirius had christened it the "Room of Requirement" since, he argued, that was what it did.

The book that James was reading had warned him that it would take a number of hours to uncover their forms once the potion was consumed. This was because the potion induced a serious state of self reflection, causing each person to travel along their own personal journey, addressing their own strengths, weaknesses, triumphs, and fears in order to find out what animal was a true representative of each person. James was excited – and nervous. When he first entertained the idea of becoming animagi, he didn't realize that they would be doing something so intense as a complete and true inspection of themselves. There was no running from the things he found out tonight. Maybe that's why most kids never attempted this, he thought. Leave alone the complex magic that would follow.

After wishing Remus luck as he feigned sick as usual and left for the infirmary that evening, the three other group members wheedled away the time until midnight. By that time, most of the students were heading to bed, and Lily herself had left only 30 minutes earlier. They made their excuses and headed to bed, and waited a few more minutes (just to be safe) before sneaking out under James' invisibility cloak.

Twenty minutes later the potion had been spooned into three different cups and each person had added one of their own hairs to the potion. James held his cup tightly in his right hand, acutely aware of the clamminess of his palms against the glass as he looked to Sirius and to Peter as the sat in a triangle in the middle of the room. Sirius licked his lips a little nervously, but looked more wary of the potion than anything, like it was a potion that Madam Huely, the school nurse, had given him. He knew he should take it, but knew that because of that it would taste horribly. Peter's cup was held firmly in his left hand, and although his hand was trembling, his face showed no outwards signs of nervousness except his eyes. His eyes were wide, as if he wanted to step back and discount himself the responsibility of what he was about to do. But even James, whose idea it had been in the first place, realized that they had reached a point that they could not turn back from. Once they took this step, they were committed to this, one hundred percent. And not just for Remus, but for them. James had a strange feeling that the actions they took tonight, while obviously changing them, would make them grow up and accept responsibility for these actions, in a very adult way. And for three fourteen-year-old boys, this was a daunting task. But Remus had grown up more quickly than the rest of them ever had, and at a much younger age. And it was that fact, that gave James the confidence that it wasn't a bad thing, and wasn't a thing to shy away from, but a change – a change to embrace. And it was with that thought that he took a deep breathe, tilted his head back, and threw the small, 4 ounces of gooey potion down his throat.

Suddenly James was walking through a forest. He couldn't see or feel the sun, but it wasn't dark as night either. It was as if time didn't exist. The tree canopy above was thick and a lush, a dark green color that covered him like a blanket, but didn't make him feel trapped. The trees were of a species he wasn't familiar with, but ran tall and straight to disappear in the canopy above. He could smell the woodsy, moldy, comforting scent in the air. Damp from the lack of light, and the stillness of the air. The ground was soft under his shoes, a bit of dirt, a bit of mud, and a bit of mulch. There were few plants of the ground, but fallen logs occasionally supported bits of fungus. James could see no other signs of life. Or of animal life, he corrected his thoughts. For he could feel the life between the stillness of the trees, quiet, strong, unbreakable. He briefly wondered if perhaps he was supposed to be a tree. He took a few steps and began to walk in no particular direction, marveling at the sense of calm power he felt running through his veins. He felt in supreme control, as if he could calmly stand to anything, lead anyone. He approached one tree and laid his hand on the trunk. James didn't speak, he felt like it was inappropriate, and something told him if he tried to make a sound, he wouldn't have heard anything anyway. He felt the bark under his hand, smooth, soft, rough, and hard – all at the same time. Suddenly he felt a stillness wash through him and a content smile rose to his lips. His body stilled at he felt so at peace with himself, with the world. He felt for that moment that even if he had been in a crowd of people he could calmly keep himself in this state of still, content, blissful, happiness. And let the world continue, as if all was right, and everything was happening as its maker intended. Suddenly, something caught his eye. He walked again, something inside him panicking and began to run. James didn't know what happened, perhaps he tripped over a tree root, but he felt himself on his hands and his knees on the ground. He felt gripped with anger, as if his blood was running through his veins hot and boiling. His mind screamed and reeled at the injustice of everything and he literally felt consumed and overwhelmed by the passion coursing through him. His head dropped, the mulch pressing against his forehead as he beat his fist into the ground, as if that would make the world change its decision. James wasn't surprised when he lifted his head back up, to feel hot tears racing down his cheeks. He rose slowly to his feet, reaching up to feel the mulch that clung to his hair. He knew now for certain that he couldn't make a sound, and someone that infuriated him. He wanted to rage, and looking for a release he stamped over to a log, rotting on the ground. He kicked it with his foot, as hard as he could. A part of him knew that he shouldn't let his temper control him like this, that it was only going to hurt himself. But he took that consequence. So it was only seconds later that he felt the shock, when his foot wasn't pulsing in pain like he expected it to be. Instead the log had shattered, it's rotten pieces flying in every direction. For a moment James felt nothing but the shock. He hadn't meant it. Not really. He wanted to comfort the log, put it back together, because right now he felt like it was wailing, looking at him as if James had just broken the most sacred trust in the world. Again he dropped to his knees, and he felt the tears continue down his face, but this time it was different. This time he was grieving. His actions were unforgivable, and he felt more horrible with himself because he felt like the log was forgiving him anyway. He felt his head drop in repentance, and true recognition. A calm feeling settled over him again. But it was not the same calm as before. This time it was the sheer emptiness and relief of pure emotional exhaustion. James felt something soft and warm brush against his forehead and a warm breath in his hair. He relished in the strong sense of comfort and forgiveness and strength, the openness he felt in that touch before looking up. Standing in front of him was a beautiful stag. When James looked up, the stag lifted its head before taking a few steps back. James rose to his feet in a daze. As he took in the sight of the majestic stag standing before him he stood up a little straighter, wiped his arm across his eyes, and felt a sense of pride fill his body, and that calm sense of strength return. The stag looked eyes with him, and James felt a sense of understanding a calm pass between them, before things faded.

James opened his eyes slowly. Sirius was sitting to his left, looking at the floor, a mixture of shame and strength on his face. His looked up at James as if noticing he was awake for the first time, and James saw a look of acceptance in his eyes that he was sure could be found in his own. Sirius gave him a curt nod of acknowledgement, both of them retaining the silence they had experience in their visions. James glanced at Peter, who was still in a trance and realized he felt exhausted. His both and his mind were both inexplicably tired, as if he had just lived a lifetime in a few short hours. Unbidden, his mind began to accept and evaluate the things he had learned and experienced about himself. His sense of strength and calmness that he had felt at first, in which he found self confidence, and with which he found the confidence to lead others, and to stand up for things he believed in. The deep river of passion that ran through him, that caused him to fight passionately for things he believed in, and the injustices he felt existed in the world. But it was the same river of passion that fueled his temper. James had known to some degree before that he was a person who believed strongly, and felt strongly, but he hadn't know the degree of it before tonight. He realized, as he reflected, that he was someone who lived his life passionately, and emotionally, but not always exuberantly. He enjoyed the strong sense of calm and of peace that he felt at the beginning, the sense that all was right in the world, that everything was fine just in that one moment. And the sense of pride that had filled him when he realized that he was proud of that person that he truly was. He had faced some of his faults that night, and had been proud of the person he was anyway. James came out of his thoughts and looked over to see Peter blinking his eyes, just coming awake again.

Peter looked much less accepting that James felt. James almost asked Peter what was wrong, realizing even as the thought crossed his mind, that he couldn't. Whatever Peter had seen, just as whatever Sirius and James had seen. Would stay with them and with them alone for the rest of their lives. But Pete looked uncomfortable, James decided, like he wasn't the person he wanted to be, or that he was afraid of the things he had experienced. His eyes were pulled away by Sirius' voice, sounding strange in the dead silence of the room.

"Come on."

As a group they rose and walked back to the common room. It was about five in the morning according to the clock in the room of requirement, and because of the hour and their sheer exhaustion they didn't even bother with the invisibility cloak. Not another word was said as they stumbled into bed, knowing that they would talk about their respective animals later.

* * *

The next morning James, Sirius, and Peter trudged into breakfast a little later than normal. Remus was still in the hospital wing after his transformation. As Sirius and Peter dropped into seats across from Lily, and James into a seat beside her, she looked up to greet them. Her words however seemed to fall on deaf and grumpy ears. Now Lily knew that James wasn't a morning person by any standards, but that was why she and Sirius had so much fun in the mornings poking fun at him. She sat there for a moment in silence, wondering what in the world was going on? She was about to say something when she felt James' head drop onto her shoulder. She glanced out of the corner of her eye to see that he was asleep. Sirius was across the table, his spoonful of oatmeal never quite making it to his mouth.

"What's up with you guys?" she asked.

Sirius just kind of shrugged his shoulders at her, still holding his spoonful of oatmeal just above his bowl, too tired to playfully banter with her like he usually did in the mornings. "We were up late," he said in a vague way of explanation.

"How much sleep did you actually get?" she asked, glancing at Peter, who was staring at his toast sitting on the table as if he was unsure of what to do with it.

"Two hours maybe?" he asked himself.

She glanced at James against and rubbed his back. "James," she said.

"Hmm. What?" He was dazedly awake.

"Where's Remus," Lily asked suddenly, realizing he was missing for the first time.

"He's sick, he's in the hospital wing," explained Sirius, his oatmeal still not having made it's way to his mouth, despite his capacity for speech.

Lily heard James mumble something that sounded like "Good thing too," from his place of her shoulder in response to Sirius' response. She glanced back at James before turning to Sirius again.

"Go back to bed," she said. Sirius looked confused for a moment. "We've got History of Magic this morning and you guys will just sleep through it anyway. I'll take notes for you and see you in Transfiguration after break."

Sirius looked like he could have hugged her and promised her anything she wanted for the favor, and after making sure that James wasn't going to drown in his cereal, Lily picked up her books and headed off to class.

* * *

On a Sunday afternoon a few weeks later, Lily was lounging under a tree by the lake, trying to get the last bit of her homework finished before class the next day. She was actually spending more time lying in the grass and enjoying was possibly going to be the last pleasant day of the season. But the weather wasn't what was distracting her from getting her work done. No, Lily had something on her mind. Suddenly, a paper airplane came and hovered just above her nose, blocking her view of the sky through the branches of the tree. She grabbed it from the air and unwrapping it, saw it was blank. Knowing what that meant and who it was from, she grabbed her quill.

_Yeah?_

_Where are you?_

_By the lake. Are you done with practice?_

_Yeah. You staying there for a while?_

_Probably, it's just so nice outside. _

_I know. I'll come find you._

_Alright._

A few minutes later, she saw James walking up. She was glad she was going to get to talk to him. Her mind was heavy and it was bringing her down. As he got closer she stood up, and suddenly feeling a need for comfort she walked towards him. With no pretenses she held her arms out as she got to him and he hugged her. She let out a sigh as she felt that now familiar sense of comfort wash over her. They were such good friends. He was always there to help her when she needed it, and now was one of those times she was so thankful for the friendship she had.

"What's up?" he asked. He didn't know something was wrong, but he felt that maybe something was bothering her a bit.

"Just thinking," she said. She gave him a half smile as he released her. Come on, come lay with me.

He eyed the ground before stretching out on his back. "I would have thought there would be more leaves under this tree, what with Halloween in a few days."

"There were," she replied as she settled her head on his stomach, also looking up at the half bare branches above her. "I banished most of them when I got here so that I could lay on the ground. He nodded at the felt his breathing slightly. They talked for a few minutes in an unforced and unrushed conversation. She asked about how his Quidditch practice went, and he asked how her Transfiguration essay was coming along, knowing she had been having trouble with the spell in class that week. After a few minutes a comfortable silence fell, before Lily shifted a bit. "James," she said.

"Mhmm?"

She exhaled, unsure of how to say it, and just choosing to dive right in. "Remus is a werewolf isn't he?" her voice was soft, resigned, as if she already knew the answer. His stomach muscles clenched under head immediately and she knew without a doubt that it was true.

"How long have you known?" his voice wasn't accusing, or upset, but sad. Sad for the reality of the situation, for the reality of the conversation they were having, and resigned to the fact that despite anything he could do, that statement was, and always would be, true.

"A few weeks," she admitted. She was almost whispering now. She could almost feel the tears in the back of her eyes. She couldn't believe the injustice of it. But it was what it was, and that resignation kept those tears from falling. She stared up at the sky as the wind rustled the few leaves around them. "I wish there was something I could do."

"There will be," he assured her. "And I'll be able to do something too." He sounded so sure, Lily thought.

"But what?" she asked desperately.

"I don't know. You'll have to figure it out in time. Each person will be able to help him in different ways."

She nodded. He had relaxed again under her, his stomach muscles providing the contact with him she desperately needed in this moment. Not knowing what else to ask. "What will you do?"

He sighed and was silent, though he didn't tense up again. He already knew, or at least had an idea. She could tell. But something told her it was too close, that he couldn't dare voice his idea to her, or possibly even to the world just yet, so she asked another question.

"Do you know how you're going to help him?"

He was a little unsure still, of how helpful he could be. He didn't even know if he'd be able to perform the magic needed for the transformation, or if it would be any real help to Remus. He'd probably hate the idea actually, mused James. But he would be damned if he didn't at least try. So it was with a little bit more confidence than he actually felt that he replied.

"I think so."

**A/N: Ok, so I hope you guys really enjoyed that cause it was really fun to write, especially the vision scene. I vision scenes for Sirius and for Peter and I think they're really neat because they show quite a bit about each character, especially Peter. But because of the way I wrote the chapter, and because of how long it already was, I didn't feel like they quite fit in the shorty. Should I find a way to work them into later chapters, or should I just post them as seperate one shots? Do you guys even want to read them? I'm leaning towards posting them as one shots, but only if people actually want to read them. If not then I'll just let them sit on the back burner in my mind and just stick with this story. Anyways, let me know what you think? Because your opinion will decide! Thanks!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Ok, a few things. First off, I'm so sorry to all of ya'll that this chapter has taken so long to get up. Hopefully this won't happen again, but I'm also two weeks out from graduation with like a thousand things to do, so we'll see. I can promise I'll do my best.  
**

**To those of you who wanted to read Peter's vision when he took the potion, it's up. Check my profile for it. Sirius' will get up eventually if there is interest, but it's not on my list of priorities right now.**

**Now, responses! And thanks to blueholly, LazyBoyGimore, and commando17 for reviewing the last chapter. **

**LazyBoyGilmore: Unfortunately, I think Remus is going to be disappointed. But don't worry, Lily is going to have a boyfriend soon. He'll make an appearance in the next chapter. wink**

**blueholly: For you there is another very long and fun but also serious James/Lily scene in this chapter.**

**Blonde Goddess: James and Lily are going to be _really_ close, and Lily will be friends with Remus and Sirius, and she'll know Peter, but they won't all be super tight. This will start to make a little more sense as we figure out what's going on with the other guys, and about their reactions to Lily's new boyfriend that will make his first appearance in the next chapter.**

Remus walked through the halls at a brisk pace. He was frustrated. He shot some second years a glare as they crowded the staircase he was climbing. At the sight of the angry, pointed, look on his face they quickly scattered. Remus imagined that right now he must look particularly terrifying when he was angry. He had accumulated a large number of deep scratches on his face last week during his transformation and while Madam Huely had healed them, they had still left light scars.

He was frustrated because of his condition. Frustrated that it had caused him to miss three days of class it was so bad this time. Frustrated that during those three days they had covered the two hardest potions in the year. Frustrated that Slughorn was having some stupid meeting and Remus didn't feel comfortable using the potions room in the dungeons when Slughorn had his little "dinners" going on. Frustrated that his parents weren't sure if it was safe for him to stay at James' house with him and Sirius over the break week after next. Frustrated that a part of him agreed with them. And he was frustrated that when he was frustrated, his three best friends were no where to be found. James and Sirius were in detention after Dumbledore had apparently caught on to the prank they had pulled in the Great Hall the week before to cheer Remus up. And Peter was no where to be found.

Remus only began to breathe easier, and to slow his pace, as he approached the Room of Requirement. But as he got closer he realized that there was already a door. He was fairly sure that only he, James, Sirius, and Peter knew about the room. And maybe Lily, he added as an after thought. So it was very cautiously that he opened the door and peeked in. Relief swept through him as he saw James reading out of a book and lecturing to Peter, as Sirius say in an armchair in a corner of the room.

"No Pete, you have to really concentrate on the things you felt in your vision. You have to embrace them. Here the book says -- ,"

"Hey guy," said Remus, shutting the door. His face supported a confused look. "I thought you guys were in detention?"

Sirius had now opened his eyes and all three were as still as statues. With his sensitive hearing, Remus heard Sirius barely whisper, "shit."

"Ummm," James started.

Remus was sure something wasn't right.

James shut the book he was holding and Remus quickly caught sight of the title. Peter was looking at the floor ashamed. Sirius still hadn't moved, and James was still trying to mutter an explanation. Remus took a deep breath.

"James." James' fell silent. "Why do you have a book on animagi?"

James also took a deep breath. He felt like swearing, but knew that at this point it wouldn't do any good. Knowing that Remus wasn't going to like this, he said it anyway. "Because we want to help you." He looked him in the eye when he said it, daring him to tell him not to.

"No," Remus growled. "No. You won't." His mind had followed the logical train of thought, had reached what he knew must be the conclusion, and fear for his friends, as well as a much more selfish and scared feeling engulfed him.

"And what would you rather us do?" asked Sirius, speaking up for the first time. "Watch you suffer as we, your _friends_ sit on the sidelines?"

"It's not your responsibility," growled Remus. He hated this. He didn't need to cause them problems, or even pain. He was a burden. What if he hurt them? His thoughts and emotions swirled inside him, colliding and threatening to explode. And what if they saw him that way, a cruel, frightening beast? That was something so deep inside him, did he really want to expose that part of himself to anyone? It was such a vulnerable part of him. He needed to protect it.

"As your friend," Sirius argued, "it is."

Remus was desperate. Out of all his friends Sirius was the hardest to fight. The way he saw things was the way things were in his mind.

"Sirius," he was almost pleading now. He didn't know what to say, no words could express how afraid he was to let them do this. But it didn't matter, because Sirius wasn't finished yet.

"Remus don't push us out. Don't you dare not let us help you. It _is_ our responsibility. It's _my_ responsibility. Sirius had stood by now, but was unaware that his passion had brought him to his feet. He had known how Remus would react when he found out eventually, and he had to do everything he could to make him understand why this was so important to them too.

Remus looked at him, all the while denying Sirius' words in his mind. It shouldn't be he thought. It shouldn't be.

Sirius' voice softened. "You're my family. All of you. You're all I have left. So you see," he told Remus. "I have to. I want to. I'd never be able to live with myself if I didn't."

"Me neither," James spoke up.

Peter just nodded his head.

Remus collapsed into the armchair that had materialized behind him, putting his head in his hands. "But what if I hurt you?" he asked, knowing it was useless. His thoughts and emotions, swirling around him just a moment ago, were now falling, crashing.

Sirius was about to retort, but James held up his hand and he fell silent. After a second James responded in a soft voice, that filled the room. "You'd hurt us more if you didn't let us help you."

Remus breathed raggedly. He knew it was true. But to accept it was hard. He needed to think. He found himself shaking his head before lifting it out of his hands, his heart and mind strangely conflicted. "I don't know," he said softly. And before another word could be said, he stood and left.

* * *

The next afternoon was Friday. Lily could tell something was bothering James. She'd seen him sitting in an armchair in the common room this morning on her way to breakfast. As she saw him notice her he rose and quickly took her into a hug, clearly needing the support he felt she had to offer. She held him for a moment, before he stepped away with a smiled and sincere thank you. But when the headed to breakfast in silence, Lily knew he didn't want to talk about it. At least not yet.

And now they were in Transfiguration. Lily watched from across the room as Remus kept his distance from the others. Sirius too also seemed oddly repressed. Peter kept shooting glances at Remus like Remus was going to suddenly turn around and slap him. And James, well, James seemed sadly resigned for most of the day. He was currently staring at the frog, now a teacup that they wre working on today, as if the frog was never coming back.

When the bell rang and the students filed out of class Lily wasn't all that surprised to see James walking next to her on their way back to the tower.

"Hey Lily," he said. "You want to drop these in the common room and go walk around the lake?"

He asked it casually, but the way he'd been acting today told Lily this was something she really needed to do for him, so she agreed.

James felt better as the dry wind hit his face. Although his nose was already cold after only fifteen minutes of being outside, it made the rest of him much warmer by comparison. He glanced down at Lily as she walked next to him on his left – between himself and the lake. He realized again, not for the first time, the height she had gained over the last six or so months. She had joked that she was trying to catch him, though her head still only measured around his shoulder. While he was looking at her, she glanced up at him. Holding her glance for a moment he saw the questioning look she gave him and so somewhat reluctantly he began. "So Remus is mad at us."

"At you and Sirius?" she asked.

"And Peter," he added.

"Why?"

He was silent. How was he going to explain this? They had talked about Remus' condition a few months ago but he still hadn't told her about their plan to become animagi yet. "I figured out how I'm going to help him," he began, knowing she'd remember the conversation. "Remember when McGonagall talked to us about animagi at the beginning of this year?"

Lily heard his words and her mind flew to assumptions. But surely they wouldn't? Her steps began to slow and as she turned to look at James, her eyes wide with disbelief, she saw the almost pained look on his face. Lily immediately softened. James felt things so deeply. She had been friends with him for over a year and that one of the things she admired about him. He had such compassion and empathy. But she still had her doubts. "James are you saying what I think you're saying?" Part of her hoped it wasn't true, even though she knew in her heart that it was.

"Yeah," he said. They had completely stopped walking by now, and although the light breeze was still blowing the dry air seemed to crackle around them. Her nose was red from the cold and her face was drawn with concern. James could barely look at her as he talked, and had to keep glancing away every few seconds. "I read up on the theory for most of last spring and over the summer. We brewed the potion when we got back and took it." Her face still held doubts. He had to convince her, she had to reaffirm he could do this. Somewhere in him he knew he needed her support. He needed someone to tell him this was a good idea, especially after the way Remus reacted. HE felt that river in him beginning to flow rapidly. "I can do the magic Lily. It's complicated, horribly complicated, and it'll take me years maybe. But I've got to try. I can't just do nothing." He was desperate, and until he felt her hand on his arm, bringing it back to his side, he hadn't realized he had been making wild gestures in his attempt to make his point.

He met her eyes again, willing her to understand, and was grateful for a look of acceptance, though the concern was still written all over her face. "I know," she said. "You just care about him so much." He nodded, not able to say anything, or sum it up any better. "Come on," she said gently. She began walking again as they made their way around the lake. "So?" she asked.

James was confused. "So what?"

"What are you?" She asked it with an impish grin on her face, and the mood was immediately lighted.

He smiled slightly and looked straight ahead, remembering his vision, for some reason not feeling comfortable meeting her eye. "A stag," he said softly.

"Wow," she said with clear admiration, and his smile grew.

"Sirius is a dog, and Peter is a rat," he elaborated, his smile growing wider and his spirit lifting now with each step he took. Lily was behind him now. It was one thing to have your friends doing and believing the same as you, and another to have a person who objectively supported you – a person you could fall back on. Remus would take some time to convince, but it was going to work out eventually.

"So is Remus still coming over to your place for the break?" she asked.

"I don't know," James said truthfully. "I don't think he will, bit it depends on when he comes around." Lily nodded her understanding. "When are you going to come over for break Lily?" he asked.

She dropped her gaze to her feet and watched her feet kick the snow as they walked. "I don't know," she said, trying not to sound uneasy. Sirius was always going over the James' house, and they invited Remus frequently, though he always refused. Peter even always politely declined. Even though she was good friends with James, she never felt like she knew where she stood with him, whether or not she felt comfortable staying over at his found for part of the holidays like his closest friends did.

"Come on Lily, why not?" he asked. He sensed her uneasiness, but didn't understand why.

She squirmed a bit involuntarily, trying to come up with a reasonably excuse without voicing her concerns. If she was honest wit herself James was her best friend – no argument needed. But it wasn't the sort of thing they talked about or voiced. She had no idea what he thought about it.

After only a moment of silence James tried again, and not knowing the discomfort she was in, asked, "aren't we friend?" He grinned to let her know he was kidding.

At his words her eyes had widened a bit in shock. Did he just ask that? But when she stopped and turned to him the smile on his face became infectious, and she realized how silly her concerns were. "Of course we are," she replied, and reached up to hug him.

"Good," he said as his arms encircled her waist.

And only once he was holding her, when he couldn't see her face did she say it. "You're my best friend James."

He chuckled a bit and swung her around off her feet before setting her down and releasing her. "Well that's good because you're mine too." He turned around but continued talking. "And as my best friend you're coming over for part of the spring hols or else." He had taken a few steps away and crouched down, and Lily, curious, followed him with her eyes.

"Or else what?" she asked in a challenging voice.

"This," he said as he quickly stood up, and with an aim that got him on the Quidditch team hit her square in the chest with a snowball – the face would have been a little _too_ mean he had decided.

Lily shrieked and leapt after him as he took off running.

"James Potter get back here. I swear I'm going to kill you!" And it wasn't until an hour later that they both trudged back to the common room sopping wet, with James declared the winner.

**Well, hopefully the next chapter will be up soon. We'll find out what's going on with Sirius a little bit later. Next chapter preview: Remus and Lily have a bit of a talk, and Lily's soon to be boyfriend makes an appearance. Now, REVIEW!  
**


	13. Chapter 13

**Ok, so first off. Pleast don't kill me. I know it's been ages since I've updated, but first I was graduating, then out of the country at my mom's wedding, then back and trying to figure out how to balance 2 jobs (one of them more 40 hours a week). So now that I'm back and getting settled it should be better. I think I'll probably get an update every week or two on the weekends. My guess is going to be realistically two weeks. I don't get a single day off except the fourth of July till the beginning of August so my time is pretty booked. **

**Anyways, here's the rest of year four...  
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* * *

"Hey," she said, taking the seat next to him at the otherwise empty table.

"Hey Lily," he replied. "If you're looking for James, I think he's at Quidditch practice," he offered, not looking up from his Charms essay.

"No actually, I wanted to talk to you."

She seemed nervous. Putting his quill down he looked at her openly. Lily didn't usually confide in him. They were friends sure, but that was usually James' job. Maybe it was about James, he thought for a second, amused at the thought that maybe he'd be right in his prediction.

She looked at him, then glanced away. "James told me about what happened the other week," she said quickly.

His eyes widened momentarily and his nostrils flared. Part of him figured that she would have figured out he was a werewolf eventually. She was too smart not to. And he knew that when she eventually confronted James about it that he couldn't lie to her. But about this? He had tried to avoid thinking about the plan of action his friends had adopted, but it was growing futile. Part of him was grateful and relieved he had such great friends. But another part of him just couldn't accept their help. He'd be letting them in so close.

When he didn't say anything for a minute Lily continued. "You can't just shut them out Remus. This is something they really want to do for you. They want to help you."

"Well they can't," he said calmly. "I can't let them do this." If he said it like it was decided, maybe then he'd stick to the decision, he thought.

"Why not?"

Remus met Lily's eyes again. She really wanted to know. The look she gave him was enough. She wasn't arguing with him – yet anyway. It was the same technique she used with James when they had the occasional fight. He stuttered for a minute. He knew that if he had good reasons, truly good reasons, she's respect them and his decision, or at least leave it alone. She was like that. So he gave her the truth.

"I can't let them that close Lily," he said dripping his voice to a whisper, and not because they were in the library. "What if I hurt them? And I don't want them to see me that way."

"What way?"

What way? "Like a – a beast," he hissed.

She smiled a bit. "Remus you aren't a beast. Not really. It's something you become, but it's not who you are. They know that. You shouldn't let it define you."

His mouth was dry. That wasn't the response he was expecting at all. For the first time he really understood why she and James could confide in each other. They both understood things about people sometimes. They saw things just a little differently.

He picked up his quill again, "I'll think about it," he said before he looked back down at his Charms essay, signaling the end of the conversation. She got up and left him in peace to finish his essay, but to no avail. His mind could no longer concentrate. He didn't like admitting she as right, so he didn't. He's always known his friends had big hearts – which was why he knew they wouldn't let him say no. But now he was starting to see, maybe Lily had a big heart too. Maybe, she _was_ right. Maybe they were _all_ right.

* * *

Petunia thinks she's all that just because she can drive now, thought Lily as she sipped her coffee. Petunia's arrogance was almost as bad as this Miss Caroline Bingley, she decided as she reread one of her favorite books, Pride and Prejudice in the local coffee shop. She would have been reading outside in the Commons that were just across the street, if it wasn't for the rain that had been coming down consistently for the last two hours.

Lily was back for the winter break in Southampton with her parents and, unfortunately, her sister. What was even more unfortunate was that her parents had insisted that if Petunia was going to go shopping with her snooty friends from school that were in for the weekend, that they bring Lily with them. At that announcement both Lily and Petunia gained matching, horrified looks – probably the only thing they had agreed on in the last 2 years. So it was mutually beneficial that Petunia dropped Lily off at her favorite coffee shop near the commons on their way to shop for a few hours. These days she and Petunia just avoided each other anyway, even if there was no active hostility. They had just grown apart, decided Lily. Eventually they'd be able to have a relationship again as sisters, she thought.

Her thoughts drifted away from her sister, and the book in her hand, to gaze out the window into the rain. She wished that it wasn't raining, as she dearly loved being outdoors. Nature fascinated her, and there were few other places she felt as comfortable or at home as outside. But at least she was still able to admire it from the dry, sheltered armchair next to the big window. Her feet were pulled up under her, with her shoes off and tucked under the chair, and her coffee sat on the nearby table, by now empty. Her black coat hung on the back of the chair and her hair, in it's natural waves today stood out vividly against her dark blue sweater, and the gray of the sky outside. Her green eyes were watching people hurry along on the sidewalk outside under their umbrellas when she realized that for the first time in two hours someone had sat down in the chair across from her.

"Hello," he said. He had a coffee in his hand and she recognized him as the guy that had served her her own coffee. She smiled back at him.

"Hi," she said. Lily had noticed him fleetingly earlier, but she looked at him now. His hair was a soft brown color and a bit long, just past his ears, and his eyes were a piercing blue. Her smile grew shyer as she realized that she actually found him rather attractive. "Are you on your break?" she asked.

"Yes I am. I thought I'd come talk to the mysterious girl whose spent most of her Sunday morning in a coffee shop." He smiled in a mischievous way as he sipped his coffee, teasing her a bit.

"Well it's raining outside as you can tell, or else I'd be out there," she explained, gesturing towards the window.

"Ahhh. I see." He paused and looked outside as well, contemplating the weather as well before turning back to her. "I'm Will," he said extending his right hand while his left held his coffee.

"I'm Lily." Taking his hand she shook it lightly. Her stomach fluttered slightly. This boy was completely new to her. Someone she didn't even know and yet here she was having a random conversation with him in a coffee shop. Lily felt a small and brief adrenaline rush.

"Do you live around here?" he asked, curious.

For a second Lily was confused. It seemed a somewhat odd question to ask a stranger. And how much could she trust him, how much information could she give?

He must have seen her confusion because he elaborated. "It's just, I go to the local highschool here, and I'm fairly certain that I've never seen you before, so I was wondering."

Will trailed off and she realized that he was a little nervous about talking to her too. For some reason that gave her more confidence. "Actually," she said. "I do live near here, but I go to boarding school. It just so happens that I'm home for the winter break."

"Oh alright then." He didn't ask where she went. Just sipped his coffee and looked out the window again, enjoying the rain. When the silence continued Lily breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn't sure what she was going to say if he asked where she went. How could she really explain her school to a muggle anyway? He was a muggle wasn't he? Then again, she couldn't be sure.

They continued to idly chat and enjoy the gloomy weather for the remaining 15 minutes that Will said he was on break, before he had to go back to work. And after only another 30 minutes later, Petunia came to pick her up on the way home. Strangely enough Lily was rather sad that she had to leave, because a part of her wanted to stay, loitering around until Will either got off work, or had another break, just so that she could talk to him some more. It was certainly a better option than getting into a car with Petunia.

* * *

"Hey Lils," said James dropping into the chair next to her, where she sat working. The surrounding library was full of students in similar occupations, some writing furiously, some reading silently, some quizzing each other – but all studying for upcoming exams. Most of the room was occupied with fifth and seventh years, but other students were scattered here and there as well.

"Hey James," she said without looking up from the page she was scanning as a reference.

"How's the studying coming?" he asked.

"Pretty good actually," she said. "I've gotten more done that I thought I was going to today."

"Good, what do you say we take the rest of the day off then?"

She looked up at him. "But James, we have class in the morning. And we only have a few days left before exams start."

"I know, I know," he said – and indeed he did since she'd been telling him a variation of the same thing all weekend. "But that's the thing Lily – I'm studied out. Come on, let's go down to the pitch or something. Even just go for a walk. I mean all I'm –,"

"Shhhh!" an irritable fifth year quieted.

James lowered his voice to a whisper. "I mean all I'm saying is that we need to take a break for a few hours. That way we're fresh for classes the rest of the week." He could tell she was arguing with herself, not with him, and he was confident that eventually he'd get her away from her work.

She smiled, secretly she had agreed with him as soon as he had suggested the idea, but she wasn't sure taking the rest of her Sunday afternoon and evening off were completely justified. But she knew that since she was ahead in her studying, he would persist until she took a break and they did something fun. "Alright. Let's go."

When Lily got outside she was glad she was taking the time off and spending it out of the castle. It was so beautiful today. Why hadn't she done this sooner? For a while they just walked, not saying anything, and even better not really needing to. Lily had come to love the rhythm she had fallen into with James. They didn't always need to fill the silence, but at the same time they could talk about anything. They were constant companions. She loved being around him because he always seemed to make everything a little more fun. She laughed at herself – like now.

They had meandered over to the Quidditch Pitch. Lily stopped to admire the large open space, the monstrosity of the stands and goal posts from the ground, and the clean cut, lined grass before her. James on the other hand, kept right on walking to the broom shed.

"Come on," he called as he fiddled with getting the slightly jammed door open, "Let's fly."

"Wait," said Lily. "What am I going to use. I don't have a broom, and I'm not the greatest in the air – we both know that."

"It's alright," he said rummaging through and emerging with two brooms in hand. "That's why I want you on Sirius' new one. It's one of those easy handling new Comets. He got it for the quick maneuvering since he made Chaser this year, but I think you'll like it. Maybe I'll even teach you to do a few tricks on it."

Lily took the broom from him, no longer worried, and followed him into the air. "What'd you bring that for," she asked, pointing to the old quaffle he had grabbed on his way out of the shed.

"Here," he said by way of explanation, "catch." And she did. "So how are things at home?" he asked. "I know you said you got a letter from your mom this morning." Playing their game of catch was fun. Lightly throwing the ball across to each other, just off aim enough that the person catching had to do a bit of work, but not focus completely on the ball.

"They're alright. Mum and Dad are fine. She swears she's going gray, and Dad's still trying to figure out how they can retire and live somewhere tropical. Maybe go over to the States and live in Florida he's saying now. He thinks England is just too rainy."

James laughed. He's been putting up with it his whole life though hasn't he?"

"Yeah, but it won't stop him."

"Any news about your sister?"

Lily sighed reluctantly. "Yes unfortunately. Apparently she's got herself a somewhat serious boyfriend and he's coming to stay briefly towards the end of summer."

James cringed. "You are _so_ not looking forward to that are you?"

She just shook her head as she tossed him the ball. "I don't know, it depends. Maybe he's a decent guy and can get my sister to stop acting like an egotistical you-know-what. But I don't know. It depends on whether or not she's still running with that same crowd. You know the ones I'm talking about."

James nodded, then had to reach really high as the quaffle almost went soaring over his head. "Yeah, you told me about them. Look at it this way. Maybe by the time he comes to stay, you'll already be at my place."

"I don't know. My mom said I get to come for the last week and a half before term starts if that's all right with your parents. That way I'll be home for my birthday and she said 'to meet Vernon' – he's the boyfriend."

"I'm excited," said James. "Sirius ought to be there too. Remus said he'd come stay for the last few days before we left he thinks, but it depends on his parents. Peter is going to at least be able to come get our school stuff I think, but his mom is already obsessive and controlling, and she likes to have him around for the last few weeks especially."

"It'll be fun," agreed Lily.

"Hey, how about I show you some tricks," suggested James. "You seem to be handling that broom pretty well." And so it was another hour later that they made it on the ground, after Lily had successfully learned a roll, a dive, and how to fly upside down with one hand (albeit slowly). They chose to spend their few remaining minutes laying in the grass, Lily's head on James' stomach and looking up at the clouds passing by.

"How hard do you think OWLs are going to be next year James?"

"I'm not sure. I mean, I'm sure they're hard," he corrected, "but I'm not sure that they're all their cracked up to be."

"What do you mean?" she said disbelieving. "They're suppose to set you down a career path and everything. How can they _not_ be all their cracked up to be?"

"Well, that's the thing. I mean do these tests really decide the rest of your life do you think?"

"Well, no. I mean, there's also NEWTs, but…."

"No Lils, I mean really. If you didn't say, make your Transfiguration OWL, would that _really_ ruin your life? I mean, maybe it would close some doors for you, but really, it's not the do all end all is it?"

Lily thought about that for a moment. Maybe he was right. To some degree these tests measured your natural capacity for a subject. So if she had a low natural capacity for Herbology, which she suspected she did – was is a huge deal if that couldn't be a part of her career? Or was that what the test was suppose to do in the first place?

"I guess your right in a way," she finally said, slowly, testing the new slightly more intelligent ground she was walking on. "It may close doors, but maybe you weren't suppose to go through them in the first place." She didn't know if she had surprised James with that statement – maybe a little bit – but she had surprised herself. Lily relaxed, feeling less stressed about exams after their break of an afternoon, comforted by the contact she was sharing with James, and just generally freed by the openness of the outdoors.

* * *

The rest of the year seemed to just fly by for James. After their last exam, History of Magic, the whole group walked outside before James and Sirius threw Lily in the lake. This of course prompted an afternoon of swimming in the celebration of the end of exams and the start of summer. The rest of the week was full of amusing pranks pulled by James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter. Lily occasionally helped, but for the most part, just say back and laughed herself silly.

Eventually they all found themselves in a compartment on the train. A few of Lily's roommates had joined them on this trip, much ht o Sirius' enjoyment. At the moment Lily, Allison, and Megan were all off to the bathroom and the guys were taking the opportunity to discuss some important matters.

"I'm telling you, we've got to have a name," said Sirius.

"I agree," said Peter. "And we each need individual names."

"Well I know we already talked about using the Marauders, but what else do you mean Pete?" Remus asked.

"Well like, obviously, you'd be Moony. We need something to match our animagus forms."

"Oh, yeah. That'd be good," agreed Sirius.

"I agree, but I'm telling you, we can't start using them until we actually change."

"Why not?" asked Sirius.

"Or at least till on of us does," added Peter, obviously catching James' reasoning.

"Well I'd just feel stupid," he explained after acknowledging Peter's comment with a nod. "I mean, what if we never managed it?" It was a thought that was already plaguing him, but he had yet to voice it out loud.

"Oh. Good point," said Sirius, finally getting the idea.

"Well why don't we think of some over the summer, and as soon as some one changes we can put them into use," said Remus diplomatically.

"Alright," said Sirius, "but I'm still going to start calling you Moony."

Remus opened his mouth to retort, but before he could, the door slid back open and the girls returned giggling outrageously over something or other.

And by the time James waved goodbye to his friends and hugged Lily goodbye, he had a feeling it was going to be a great summer.

* * *

**Ok, so thoughts on Will? Yes, he's the boyfriend. That'll be happening next chapter we'll see him again. Please don't hate me because Lily and James will still be close, then things start to get really interesting later on. Or at least the most interesting part according to me. **

** If anyone out there would be interesting in betaing it would make my summer easier and my updates fast possibly. I know that I'm putting up chapters that have holes in them (like this one). But once I finish the story I would like to come back in a fill those holes in so I'm also looking for someone to beta the chapters I already have out to help me with the editing process. That was always the worst part for me. Anyways send me in a review or a PM if your interested.**

**Review!!!!!!!!  
**


	14. Chapter 14

Lily cringed, hiding it by sipping her tea

Lily cringed, hiding it by sipping her tea.

"You remember Marinel don't you dear? My, she hasn't seen you in years! She so desperately wants you to come."

Lily thought it was very interesting how Marinel didn't care to see Petunia. Her mother did grudgingly admit on occasion (particularly when she'd had a bit too much to drink) that Petunia always had been a sour child. Lily on the other hand was just "precious" according to all the friends of her mother. Not only was she mild mannered, but she was the only one in her family that had such "darling red hair." It was from her father's side of the family, even though his own hair was a deep brown.

"Lily?" her mother called her back.

"Yes mum?" She hoped her mother hadn't noticed just how far off she had drifted.

"Did you hear what I said?"

She cleared her throat. "Yes ma'am. Tomorrow, at Marinel's, she's having some party and you want me to come with you."

"Yes dear. It's a party for the wedding she just had. I know she's a dear friend of mine, has been for years. But this second marriage thing I just don't know…"

Lily rolled her eyes, hoping her mother didn't see it.

"It'll be fine dear, we'll have lots of fun," she said just before exiting out the back door to work on the garden.

Lily wasn't so sure, but she finished her tea and went into the living room to find her father, a rather large man, stuffed in the narrow space between the wall and the television. "Hey Dad," she said, dropping herself onto the couch.

"Hey, sweetheart. How are you doing?" came somewhat muffled from behind the TV.

"I'm alright. What are you doing back there?"

"We've been having some problems with the reception is all. So I'm guessing your Mum told you about Marinel's party."

Lily groaned. "Yes."

"I'm sorry sweetheart, but you know how your mother gets about her social events and such." Lily nodded even though he couldn't see.

"I know," she said. And she did. Her mother was so formal and conservative about her friends and neighbors. She always meant well, but she really lived for the main social events of the year. Her mother didn't work anymore since Petunia had been born, so it left her little else to do once they were both older and off at school. "It's just that it's going to be a bunch of mum's friends and no fun at all and I've only been home for two days!"

"Well I'm sorry, and hey, cheer up. Maybe a few other teenagers will be there. You never know."

Lily just shook her head as she opened her book, not really believing it.

"Lily dear I know this isn't what you'd rather be doing, but please, stand up straight and try not to look so bored."

Lily sighed. They'd only been there 30 minutes and as even her mother could tell, she was bored. "Yes ma'am," she replied. It was mostly as she expected: lot's of her mom's friends, lots of older women, some people that knew her, most that didn't, but none of them really talking to her past questions about school – to which she could only give vague answers. She wandered through the living room, calmly observing the people and the set up of the party, while safely steering clear of involvement in conversation. She idly thought about how great a place this would be to sketch. About 30 women, none below the age of 35, stood or sat in clumps of 4 or 5 in conversation. Almost all of them were wearing floral print dresses that covered both their knees and shoulders.

Lily could almost watch the scene before her turn into a penciled sketch: The blending of the floral print dresses into the wallpaper, the people becoming an extension of the tight, cramped, space they were in. She could almost see the room being suffocated, drowned in floral print. She felt distinctly out of place in her dark green sleeveless top and her knee length, white skirt. As Lily roamed around the edges of conversation and surveyed the room she noticed for the first time since she had arrived, that the living room was opened up to a back deck and what appeared to be a small garden area with a few benches. She wasn't sure why no one had yet moved outside, especially when she felt as suffocated as she did in the hot air of the polite conversations about so and so's nieces and nephews and distant relatives.

It was with a new determination to get a drink and head outside that Lily navigated her way right through the center of the crowd to get to the refreshment table. It was then that Lily realized something very important had escaped her observation of the room. There was a cute boy – a _very_ cute boy – standing at the table, serving himself some punch. She stopped momentarily and just as she wondered if she wanted to keep walking over there, he looked up and saw her. It was clear that they were the only teenagers in the room, and indeed with the exception of a few older husbands, he one of the only males in the room. So, tentatively, she continued over to get her punch.

"Hello," he said to her from across the table.

"Hi," she said. Lily fumbled. What should she say next? What conversation starter would be appropriate? Somehow she didn't think the question, _what are you doing here, _would be a very good choice. Instead she served herself some punch, saying in her most casual voice, "I'm glad I'm not the only person under 35 here?" She smiled as she said it, pleased when he smiled in response, especially since she was kicking herself inside for not coming up with something better than _that_.

"I am too," he said; then in a mock whisper, "especially with such a pretty under 35 year old." He winked. Lily felt her face heat up. "I was hiding out on the deck outside earlier if you'd like to join me," he offered politely.

Lily nodded; glad to feel her blush fade away. "Yes, that would be lovely," she said politely.

As they stepped outside, Lily felt a light breeze sweep across her, immediately refreshing her after being trapped in the room. She felt free again, and a brief feeling of recklessness passed over her. She turned to the boy next to her, taking in his light brown hair, and noticing his piercing blue eyes. She felt like she had seen him before. A vague recollection tugged lightly at her brain, but nothing came of it. He was dressed smartly, in crisp khaki pants and a sky blue polo shirt that matched his eyes wonderfully.

"I'm Lily," she said.

"I'm Will," he replied, holding out his hand. He didn't seem shaken by what Lily felt was the bluntness of her introduction. "It's wonderful to meet you Lily."

She took his hand and smiled. "And you." They both began walking again, meandering over to a bench down the path. He sat down and as Lily took a seat next to him he said, "So Lily, tell me about yourself."

Lily wasn't sure where to start, and in order to cover her shock at such a direct question, she said as nonchalantly as she could, "Well, what would you like to know?" She sipped her punch. She could play this game.

"Well for starters, what is it that brings you to such a party?" His light sarcasm put Lily at ease.

"My mum dragged me here," she explained. "She's a long time friend of the host."

"Aunt Marinel?" he asked surprised.

"Wait," Lily was also surprised, "Marinel is your aunt?"

Will laughed. "Aunt Marinel is my mom's younger sister actually."

Lily smiled. "Well, I guess that explains why you're at the party then."

"Yes." He chuckled a bit. "So do you live here in Southampton then?" he asked.

"I do. I live a few streets over on the other side of the neighborhood actually. What about you? Are you here visiting?"

He took another sip of his punch. "No. Actually, we moved here last September."

"Really? How do you like it so far?"

"It's great," Will said. "It's nice living so close to family again. My uncle lives in the area too, but on the other side of town. All sorts of useful things come out of it."

Lily was enjoying talking to Will. He was very animated, and the more engaged he became in their conversation, the more he put Lily at ease. He had such a charming air about him. Lily felt herself being drawn into the conversation. Her stomach felt fluttery and she felt the adrenaline rush through her from their conversation.

"It was great having my cousins at Southampton High already. I didn't feel like a new kid at all. Then my older cousin even managed to get me a job at the coffee shot he was working at before the holidays."

"Wow. I'll bet that was useful," said Lily. "Where was it?"

"Down by the commons. George's place. Have you heard of it?"

"Have I heard of it?" Lily repeated incredulously. "I _love _that place. I'm always down by that area of the commons when I'm home for the holidays. How long have you been working there?"

He thought about it for a second. "Since a bit after my 16th birthday. Maybe the end of October."

Lily looked at him carefully, slowly remembering. "I think I saw you there actually."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, over the Christmas holidays. I was in there for a whole afternoon one day while my sister was out shopping."

She could almost see the light bulb go off in Will's head. "I thought you looked familiar!" he exclaimed, like he'd known all along. "You go to boarding school right?"

Lily felt her cheeks heat up slightly at the fact that he remembered. "Yes, I got back for the summer a few days ago." She quickly changed the subject before he could ask her much more about it. "So where did you move to?" she asked.

"Oh, you know Western Grove?"

"Yes." It was a few miles down the main road that linked about four suburban neighborhoods.

"We moved into there," said Will. "So what are you up to this summer Lily?" he asked. "Summer job?"

Lily smiled a bit shyly and looked down briefly, watching the grass. "No, just sitting around. I can't actually hold a job yet. My 15th birthday is in about 6 weeks. How about you?"

He seemed a little shocked that she was almost 15, but he took it in stride and showed no real reaction to the news at all. After all, they weren't all that far apart. "I'm working some, but besides that I'm just hanging around. We should hang out some this summer."

Lily looked back up at him, and felt her cheeks begin to heat up yet again when she realized that he was serious. She took a breath, breathed it back out and said, "Yeah. That'd be fun."

They continued to lounge on the back deck and talk about all sorts of things. After what seemed to be only 15 or 20 minutes Lily heard her mother's voice behind her.

"Lily dear, are you ready to go?"

Lily turned around quickly to give her mother a confused look. She quickly consulted her watch and realized that she and Will had been talking for over an hour! With a small clearing of her throat, Lily's mother regained her attention. Lily quickly understood, and with a small "oh" she stood and turned.

"Mum, this is Will Baker," she said gesturing towards him. "Will, this is my mother Daisy Evans."

Will held out his hand and as Lily's mother lightly took it in her own, he said, "It's wonderful to meet you Mrs. Evans. I'm Marinel's nephew."

It was clear that any suspicions one Mary Ann Evans had about this Will character her daughter was talking to, completely vanished at this bit of news. "How wonderful! I've just come from talking with dear Marinel. I believe she mentioned you just moved her this year."

"Yes ma'am," Will politely replied.

"Fantastic," she said. Turning to Lily, "Dear, I'll meet you out front in about 5 minutes. I'm just going to go collect my things." To Will she said with a mischievous smile Lily would have expected from James, "I do hope I'll see you again." And with that she left.

As soon as she was gone, Will pulled out his cell phone to reference the time. "I must be getting back inside. They'll want help cleaning soon." He looked at Lily, making eye contact that felt almost unnatural. She nearly looked away, but didn't. "I'd like to see you again," he said rather bluntly.

She felt herself beginning to blush. "I'd like that." She broke eye contact with him and as her gaze fell on his hand she felt strangely empowered. "May I see your phone?" she asked innocently.

"Of course," Will replied only slightly unsure.

Quickly, Lily saved her home phone number into his phone. "Here," she said as she handed it back to him smiling shyly. "I really ought to go. It was good meet – uh, seeing you again."

He smiled charmingly, "Indeed it was. Goodbye." And with that she turned around and walked through the house to the front yard, where her mum was waiting with a mysterious twinkle in her eye.

"James!" Sirius could be heard approaching the kitchen, his feet thundering down the stairs. James looked up from his bowl of Fruit Loops as Sirius entered the room. "Artemis just got back. She brought you this."

James opened the letter Sirius handed him, and swallowed before he spoke. "It's from Lily," he said. Sirius was pouring his own bowl of cereal and joined him at the table.

"What does she say?" he asked.

James scanned the letter.

_Dear James,_

_Of course I can come! Mum says that as long as your mum doesn't mind I can be at your house on the 17__th__. She does want to make sure that I am home for my birthday. I know you said Sirius is already there, (when isn't he?), but when is Remus going to be able to come? Since you know what is around the 15th, I hope he'll be ok to spend the rest of the summer with us by the next week. You can tell him I said so. _

"She gets to come the 17th," said James, "her mum wants to make sure she is home through her birthday."

Sirius grunted something around his cereal, but since James couldn't make it out anyway he continued to scan.

_James, do you remember that guy Will that I told you I met at that really boring party mum dragged me to? Well I've gone out with him a couple of times since then. I wish you could meet him, I think you'd like him ok. I've decided I'm not going to tell him about my being a witch, since I'm not even sure if we'll be together through to school year, but maybe over the Christmas break. What do you think? I'm so excited! I can't wait to come to your house and see all of you. Only 2 more weeks! Mum is calling me down to dinner so I better finish this so that it can go with Artemis. _

_ See you soon,_

_ Lily_

James felt his heart beat increasing steadily as he read the rest of the letter. As soon as he was done he pushed back from the table, dropped the letter next to his half full bowl of cereal, and with a small mumbled excuse walked out the back door.

Sirius was slightly surprised when James left the table so abruptly. James wasn't a morning person, by any means, but he had been in a relatively good mood this morning, especially finding out when Lily was going to be here. Peaking out the window he made sure James was well away from the back door and not likely to come back in before picking up Lily's letter and reading it himself.

Oh hell.

Sirius knew immediately why the letter had bothered James so much, but he doubted if James knew. He quickly put his and James' cereal bowls in the sink so they wouldn't get in trouble, before heading out the back door after him.

He found him sitting in the clearing they liked to play Quidditch in, staring down at the sea. Sirius loved staying at James' place in Devon. It was so near the coast that Sirius never ever felt trapped here. Not like he did at his family's town house in London. He quietly took a seat next to him, not really sure what to say for a second.

After about a minute or so he didn't know how else to bring it up, so he just said, "I don't think they'll keep dating once she goes back to Hogwarts."

James snorted. "She's kissed him. And I know you read the letter. She expects them to keep dating. Really she does."

Sirius wasn't sure where he got that idea. "What do you mean? Sure she said they'd gone out a few times, but this is Lily. How are you sure she kissed him?"

At this comment James just gave him a pointed look. "Trust me. She has. At least once. If she hadn't she'd never think it was so serious. That's why she expects that they'll keep dating."

Sirius just let that one go. There was a time sometime in the last year, where Sirius suspected he had been slightly demoted to number 2 best friend. At first it had bothered him, but he had realized that it was ok. No one would be close to him like Lily was. They were just there for him in different ways. Not to mention the fact that Sirius had come to realize that James felt more for Lily that was strictly platonic. But he wasn't sure James knew that just yet.

"So what about when she gets here?" Sirius asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well how are you going to explain to her, when she gets here, that you hate her boyfriend?"

James sighed. "I don't know. I don't like the guy certainly. I can make that much clear. Especially as she hasn't even told him she's a witch yet. But I guess I don't hate him."

Sirius just stayed quiet. James wouldn't admit to hating him because he wasn't sure _why_ he felt like he hated him so much. It wasn't in James' nature to hate people without a reason. James was going to have a tough time when Lily got here, he suspected. In the meantime, it was his job as best friend number 2 to keep his mind off best friend number 1 when she was making him upset.

"Let's go play some Quidditch. Loser does the winner's chore list."

James smiled deviously. "You're on."


	15. Chapter 15

The Commons were beautiful at this time

The Commons were beautiful at this time. The sky had turned a beautiful shade of indigo after the sun had set, and a light breeze swept through the trees. She had pulled her long red hair up into a loose ponytail, allowing the breeze to sweep across the back of her neck. Lily felt a shiver run through her spine. And even though the temperature had dropped with the sun, Lily knew that the weather wasn't the cause. The cause was the person standing next to her, who had just taken her hand with his.

"So, you leave tomorrow?" he asked. He kept looking straight ahead as they walked.

"Yeah." The silence the word left behind sounded so ominous, so she continued, "My parents are driving me out to Devon early tomorrow morning. And then I'll go from there with my friends to school on the first."

"Will you be back for Christmas?" he asked.

"I should be," she replied, as casually as she could. She was holding her breathe, wanting him to bring it up. She was the one going away, she couldn't ask him to. But, if he offered, well, that was different.

"Lily," he slowly stopped walking.

"Yes, Will?" She turned towards him.

He took her other hand in his loosely, and took a breath. "I know I shouldn't ask this of you, but…" he seemed a little unsure with what to say next, even though he had rehearsed this speech a dozen times. "I really like you."

She just nodded. Not sure what to say.

"Do you think it would be alright if I wrote to you? While you're at school? I mean I know I won't be able to see you, but Lily, you're the only girl I want to…" he trailed off, not sure what else to say.

Lily smiled and released the breath she'd been holding. He looked nervous still – waiting. "I'd love that," she said.

With those words his face quickly broke out into a grin, and she saw his blue eyes twinkle in the dim light. Then before Lily could say another word his hands had slipped around her waist and he was kissing her. After just a few seconds they broke apart, and she broke the silence. "We should go," she said a little reluctantly, glancing up. "It's getting dark."

He nodded, knowing by now how strict her parents were with her curfew. But despite that, they both walked back to her house rather slowly, hand in hand.

The next morning Lily was up early with anticipation. After a 2 and a half hour drive Lily began to smell the salt from the ocean and realized they must be nearly there. It was mid morning so Lily wasn't sure if James and Sirius would be up when she arrived. She hoped James would be, even though she knew he wasn't much of a morning person, some part of her wanted her arrival to be a special occasion – one he would get up early for during the summer.

James had actually been up since about 9 that morning. Sirius wouldn't be up for another hour or so, so after breakfast James tried to busy himself until Lily's arrival. He asked his mum if he could help get her room ready, but she just smiled and told him to go outside if he was so restless that he was going to be in her way all morning. After admitting the truth in his mother's statement James decided to go outside and prepare himself for Lily's arrival.

He wasn't sure why he was so nervous. She was his best friend, and it wasn't like they didn't spend tons of time together at school. He knew it wasn't about her coming to his house really, though he did think it would be nice to see her away from school. No, he realized. It was about _him._ Will. Now that Lily was dating some guy he wasn't sure if she would act the same way around him.

James stopped walking and looked out over the ocean. He had arrived at his favorite spot. It was about a 15 minute walk from his house, but the view was worth it. He was on the top of a cliff, hanging out into the ocean. Waves crashed against the wall far below his feet. The sound of the waves and the color of the ocean calmed him, and the ocean breeze, heavy with salt, always eased the tension in his muscles. Next to the ocean he and his problems seemed much smaller, much easier to handle. It was here that he calmed his nerves a number of times before he left for his first year of Hogwarts. It was here that he convinced himself that he would become an animagus for Remus. And it was here last month where he had come to calm himself after his Dad had nearly been killed.

Although his Dad never spoke about it much at home, he had overheard enough whispered conversations between his parents to know that it was getting dangerous out there. There had been talk about the superiority of purebloods, but that alone was not unusual. There would always be people like the Malfoys and most of the Blacks that thought they were superior to anyone and everyone for any reason they could come up with. No. It was the house calls to other pureblooded families. It was the whispers of threats if others didn't seem to agree, and recently it seemed as if there was a rumor of a wizard who would unite them all. Someone powerful. James had only caught a name, but had no information to pair with it. Voldemort. James wasn't sure if the raid his father had been a part of had anything to do with this shady business, but it had been a close call. He had been hit by a nasty curse that must have been experimental because no one had heard of it. It had taken him 2 weeks to recover, and he had been pulled from the field and was doing desk work for 3 more months.

James felt the breeze on his face and those thoughts wash from his head. He hadn't talked to Lily about it really. Not yet anyway. He had told her that his Dad had a close call, but had made it pretty clear that he didn't want to talk about it yet. She had known to leave it alone until he brought it up again. He ran a hand through his hair, which despite Lily's arrival today, would still not lay flat. He hoped that their relationship was the same. That they were still the best of friends. He needed it to be the same. He needed her to still understand him and to still confide in him. But more than that he needed to know that this Will character wasn't taking Lily away from him.

_That's it_, he told himself. _I just don't want some other guy who doesn't even know her that well to take her away from me. What happens when they break up anyway? I'm going to be the one that is still going to be there for her, that's what. As long as nothing changes, it won't bother me. _ He was convinced. Images floated in his mind, although not even his mind dared voice them. Images of them laying in the grass under a tree by the lake, her head in his lap. Of him picking her up in a tight hug and swinging her around. Of him tucking her hair behind her ears and wiping her sweaty forehead off in the hospital wing when she had the flu last year. As long as nothing changed, he'd be fine.

As the car pulled up the drive Lily sat up straighter in her seat and as soon as it pulled to a stop Lily opened the door. Leaving her dad to get her trunk out of the back she headed straight for the house. Before she could even climb the stairs to the door it opened and James flew out with Sirius right behind him. With a simple greeting she opened her arms and it was just like the end of the year before. She relaxed, feeling herself held tightly by her best friend, realizing how much she truly missed him over the last 2 months. Once he put her down she said hello to Sirius and received her second hug of the morning.

In those seconds that James held her, he realized everything was going to be alright. Nothing was going to change. She was still Lily, his best friend, and one of the people he cared about the most.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: So yes, this story is officially back from hiatus. I can't promise regular updates. But I can tell you that the story is completely mapped out and that there will be 32 chapters. The chapters won't be posted regularly, but they will be longer than the last one was for the most part. Hopefully since they will be going up less often the length will help make up for it a little bit.**

* * *

Lily sat in her room at the Potter's house. Contrary to what she had believed, the excitement of arriving coupled with the early morning start such a thing had required, had not actually caused her to go to sleep early. In fact, the excitement seemed to keep her body awake much later than usual. She had retired to bed a while ago, and she was sure most of the house was probably asleep already, especially since Mr. Potter had to go to work in the morning and Mrs. Potter had mentioned that she would be gone until the middle of the afternoon the next day. Despite this, Lily crept from her room, barefoot and in her pajamas downstairs to the kitchen to get a glass of milk. She wasn't actually thirsty, but she thought that the combination of doing something and a glass of milk would be enough to put her to sleep. She was surprised when she reached the bottom of the stairs to see a light still coming from the kitchen. At first she wondered if she should go back upstairs, as quietly as she had come, afraid to disturb whoever was still awake. Eventually she decided that since both the elder Potters were getting up early in the morning, the chances were that either James or Sirius were the ones still up and in the kitchen. She continued in and smiled when she saw James, his hair disheveled, in a pair of blue pajama pants and a light gray t-shirt sitting at the table. He was clearly lost in his thoughts, his back to her, one hand halfway through his hair and the other holding a half empty glass of milk on the table.

"Hey," she said softly, padding further into the kitchen. "Mind if I join you?"

His head lifted and turned at her words and a half a smile curved on his face. "Course not." She walked over to the cabinets, pausing when she found a glass. "Actually, I'm glad you're still up" he admitted.

"Oh really?" she asked lightly as she rummaged through the refrigerator, coming out with the bottle of milk. "And why is that?" She smiled at him, glad she was here after not seeing him for two months. Glad that they could so easily fall back into the companionship they seemed to have ever since the second half of 3rd year, when they'd started becoming such good friends.

James watched her, glad more than ever that she was here. He had missed her over the last few months and hadn't been able to bring himself to talk about his father's injury until he could talk to her about it face to face. Until she could hug him and tell him it would be fine. He relished in the bond they seemed to share so often, in their ability to understand each other so well simply from the way they said something or the way they acted. Right before she had come into the kitchen he had been thinking about her. He hadn't been able to get to sleep and had stayed up thinking instead. He didn't know if she was still dating Will, and when he had hugged her again on the porch this morning he had thought that it didn't matter. He had thought that as long as they were best friends then he wouldn't lose her, but what if they grew apart now? What if he was shoved aside to make room for Will? Would they still be best friends? The need to talk about his father's injury was also beginning to overwhelm him. Now that she was here he wanted, needed to get it off his chest.

She took a seat at the table next to him with her glass of milk and took a good look at his face. She knew he'd need to talk about this soon, and she knew he hadn't wanted to do it via letter, but she didn't know if he wanted to talk about it now or not. "James, how's your dad been doing?" She asked the question tentatively, not sure what kind of response she'd get.

James let out a deep breathe. This was going to be hard. But who could he talk to about this if not Lily? "He seems to be doing ok now, but he still has about 2 more month of desk work to do. He seems like he's almost fully recovered, but I just don't know." He trailed off a bit. Lily knew that she shouldn't interrupt him, that when he was ready the words would come. "I can't lose him Lily," he said. The words came out as a whisper, voice dangerously close to breaking, but Lily heard them perfectly in the quiet of the kitchen.

"You're not going to James," she said softly, laying her hand over his, which rested on the table, willing him to look her in the eyes. He didn't. "He's going to be fine. The ministry is taking care of him, and he's a trained professional. He knows his job is dangerous."

He still wouldn't look at her, but gripped the end of her fingers tightly as one tear slid down his cheek. He turned his head in the other direction, knowing that his was going to be the hard part. "They fought about it." His voice was strained and seemed vaguely panicky. "I was up because I couldn't sleep and I heard them in the library. My mom was crying and screaming at him. Saying that he couldn't just think about himself. He had to think about his family. And he kept saying he had to do what he had to do." More tears were falling down his cheeks now. He looked at her finally. "I can't lose him Lily, I can't lose either of them."

She stood up and walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and resting her cheek on top of his hair. He reached his hand up and rested it on her elbow. "Oh James. You know it'll be ok. She was just scared. She was just as scared that she was going to lose him as you were, possibly even more scared. They'll work it out, you know they will. You're parents love each other so much. She just loves him and she probably wasn't sure what she would do without him, that's all." She stayed there just like that, as he wiped his tears from his face. He was calmer now, she could tell, but still she stayed.

"Am I going to lose you Lily?"

She stiffened slightly. He felt it and realized in that moment that he had said it out loud. Quickly he explained, since there was no taking it back. "I don't know what Will said, but I suspect he wants to keep dating because he sounded like he really liked you from what you told me, but" he paused, "are we still going to be best friends Lily?"

She relaxed into him again. And in that moment she knew he needed her, possibly more than he had ever needed her to be there before. "Of course we are James. We'll always be best friends." And in the moment she knew, that no matter what else she said, she meant it. And on impulse she turned her head and lightly kissed the top of his head. "I'll always be here for you ok?" She asked.

James was so shocked that it was all he could do was nod. Emotion was welling up in him again, but this time it was gratitude and relief that everything was going to be ok. As long as he had Lily there to support him it would all be ok. And he knew that she meant it, that they would always be best friends. But even as he thought it, he felt the kiss on the top of his head and part of him wondered, in the back of his mind, if that was all they would ever be.

* * *

"That was a foul!"

"Was not, what are you talking about?"

"Oh come on, you know it was"

"You gonna be a baby about it Black?"

"Ugh, whatever, but we're still only tied." Sirius turned his broom to go collect the ball as he rolled his eyes. He wasn't really upset, just he and James both knew it hadn't really been a foul. But what fun was one on one Quidditch without some mocking to go with it? And besides, he thought as he retrieved the ball and headed back over, shooting a glance at Lily who was a few yards away sketching in her book, James seemed to be in a much better mood since Lily was here. Sirius had been nervous at first, not sure if her presence would put James at ease, or cause him to pull away, but as always Sirius realized, Lily was good for him.

"Black are you going to stare off into space like that all day or are we going to play Quidditch? You are losing you know."

Sirius smiled, he knew that neither one of them was even keeping score. "Whatever, Potter, we're tied. And for your information I wasn't staring into space I was staring at Lily love over there."

James looked over his shoulder to look at Lily, and at that moment Sirius dodged around him towards the goal and they were back to the game.

* * *

Lily sat on the ground nearby watching two of her best friends play one on one Quidditch. They were playing low to the ground, supposedly to decrease the amount of space to maneuver in and they had tied what looked, to Lily, like two hula-hoops on two branches of trees. She was glad they were playing so close to the ground, as it made sketching them much easier. She loved drawing and sketching people and scenes she found interesting. And today she was attempting to convey not only the movement of the figures, but doing a few closer sketches of that competitive, taunting, yet amused attitude that both the guys seemed to have on their faces.

So far her stay had been incredibly relaxing and fun, something she realized that she needed before the school year started. She and James had talked earlier that afternoon about the problems she seemed to have with her sister. It seemed like any time they were around their parent's Petunia was willing to have a limited interaction with her, and was actually nice about it. But as soon as her parents stepped out of the room she was cold, mean and ugly towards her. Lily couldn't figure out what game she was playing doing this, and James wasn't too sure either. He had called her some not so polite names, but James had never been a fan of Petunia anyway.

She also told him about Petunia's boyfriend, Vernon. He was a rather large guy, and just as full of himself as anyone could ever be. He visited for three days and dinner the first night consisted of Petunia setting him up to boast about the fancy university he was slotted to attend next fall, the prestigious school he was at now, the connections he had through his family and such. Petunia seemed to eat it up. Lily didn't think he parents were exactly fond of Vernon, but he and Petunia seemed pretty serious and Petunia adored him, so Lily said her parents had been polite and hospitable and said nothing to Petunia but the things they liked about him. Petunia had obviously never cared to hear Lily's opinion, and she had clearly turned Vernon against Lily before he even arrived, as he either ignored her the whole time, or acted like she had offended him in some way.

Lily was putting some finer details on James' face, drawing from memory rather than actually looking at him. It surprised her slightly as she drew that she knew his face so well, the way his smile turned up on one side when he was smirking at something, the way he narrowed his eyes when he was teasing….

"That's pretty good."

Lily jumped at the sound, and as she turned around found James over her shoulder.

"Sirius went to put the goals away and my mum just called us in for dinner."

Lily nodded and let him help her to her feet before they went inside, talking in more detail about her sketches from that afternoon, and about Remus' arrival the next day.

* * *

August 30th found the four friends walking through Diagon Alley, stopping into shops to pick up school supplies, get extra socks, check out the newest Quidditch gear, look at new books, and just to shop in general. Although they did need to get all of their supplies for 5th year, their hardest yet with the upcoming OWLs they really needed just an excuse to get out of the house and blow off some steam on one of the last days of summer vacation.

At about 3 in the afternoon they all met back up with Mrs. Potter in the Leaky Cauldron for a late lunch. During the course of the day, Lily had managed to find some more pencils and a new sketch book, hoping this year to do more of her art work while at school along with all the books she needed. Sirius and James had practically drooled their way through a new Quidditch store called Quality Quidditch supplies, and Remus had eaten the largest chocolate and strawberry sundae anyone had ever seen.

Lily had done some hilarious impressions of her sister's obnoxious boyfriend, Remus had caught them up on his summer, and James had recounted for what was, according to Sirius, the 6th time, the great joke he had played on Sirius involving a pair of his mom's underwear. After this Lily laughed for 5 straight minutes when Sirius' face turned as red as her hair. And for Lily's birthday all of the guys had pitched in and bought her a new owl of her own. It was a cute tawny owl with a redish brown hue. When pressed to name it something, Lily had resisted over and over again until settling on Akira, the name of the author of a book she had just finished reading.

Over the course of lunch they told Mrs. Potter about all the things they had bought, the new stores that were going up in one section of the Alley, and about what they were looking forward to during 5th year. It was late in the afternoon when they all returned to the Potter household.

* * *

It was the night of August 31st and the next morning they would all travel together to Platform 9 ¾ to travel back to Hogwarts. Lily had gone up to her room to pack up the last of her things and write a letter to her parents with her new owl, and Sirius, whose laundry had only just finished, was upstairs putting it all in his trunk. Remus and James were on the back deck, relaxing as the night settled in around them. The only sound was the quiet sound of the night, and of the waves of the ocean in the distance. That is, it was until Remus spoke.

"So what's up with you and Lily?"

James was taken aback, startled not only by the sudden comment, but also by the topic. "What do you mean?" He asked as innocently as he could.

"Well I don't know," Remus shrugged. "You guys just seem really close."

James nodded his head in a rather obvious fashion. "Yeah. We have been ever since 4th year. So?"

"I thought maybe you liked her."

He said it in an offhand way, as if it was perfectly normal for James to be attracted to Lily that way. He immediately responded. "No." But as soon as the words were out of his mouth he wasn't so sure.

"Really?"

"Well," he paused trying to find the words. "I don't know Remus, ok?"

They sat in silence for a few more minutes, but somehow the silence wasn't as comfortable as it had been before, and James' thoughts were filled with Lily. He made a quick excuse to Remus, telling him he was going to go to sleep. But once he got to his room James stared at the ceiling for a few more hours, wondering why he felt like his friendship with Lily suddenly seemed like it wasn't enough.

* * *

**A/N: Please review. The more people who review, the sooner the next chapter gets up, because I know people are actually waiting on it.**


	17. Chapter 17

AN: Ok, so I'm back with an update and starting in a few weeks there should be much more frequent updates as I finally go on my first real vacation in almost 2 years! :D And have a chance to write. Hopefully I will be finishing the story, or at least getting close, so if you've just started reading, or just picked this up again, stay tuned.

Also, I updated this at two in the morning so be nice to me if there are minor spelling or grammar mistakes.

Chapter 17

The clock ticked off the seconds patiently, watching students and parents mingle on the platform below. And as it ticked off 10:47 it was particularly interested in a pair of girls who, with heads bent close together were giggling up a storm.

As soon as Lily had stowed her trunk she saw Aly across the platform. "Aly!," she shouted before threading her way through people over to her friend. After they embraced and Lily assured her that her smile was much prettier now that her braces were off she got right down to business. "So," Lily bent her head closer, "what was the secret that you promised to tell me when I saw you today?" Lily grinned mischievously, knowing it had to be good if her friends refused to send it by mail.

Aly looked around them to make sure no one was listening before biting her bottom lip and giggling, which in turn made Lily giggle. "You can't tell anyone ok?" she breathed, their head still close together.

"Of course," Lily assured.

Aly took a big breath and in one quick rush spit it out. "I have a crush on Sirius."

Lily's eyes got really big. "No," she said in slight disbelief. "Really?"

Aly just bit her lip and nodded. Lily grabbed Aly's hands and squealed, which in turn made Aly squeal. "Do you think you could find out if he likes me?" she asked Lily.

"Duh," Lily said. "I happen to know for a fact that he has a thing for blondes. In fact –"

Just at that moment a pair of arms circled Lily's waist from behind, picked her up and spun her in a circle. "James Potter, put me down" she said through her laughter.

Still chuckling James put her down and stepped back. "We were wondering where you had run off to. The guys and I found a compartment and we need to go ahead and board." He turned to Aly, not wanting to leave her out. "Aly would you like to join us?"

She and Lily shared a quick look and a large grin. "Sure James, I'd love to."



* * *



It was a week and a half before Lily got to talk to Sirius about it. It was a Sunday and the Quidditch team had a quick practice after the tryouts from the day before. Lily walked towards the pitch as a few of the players were leaving and she was told James and Sirius were still in the showers so she resigned herself to waiting. After picking a small handful of grass and slowly shredding it in her hand she heard Sirius' voice behind her.

"Hey Lily love, James will be a while." She turned. "He was late so he had to pack up all the equipment at the end of practice."

Lily smiled. She had known that already since she had been with him when he realized he had forgotten about practice. In fact, she had promised she would meet him afterwards for a walk so they could finish their discussion and spend some time together since they had been so busy with classes since they had gotten back to school. When she explained this to Sirius he smiled in a knowing way and shook his head. If he didn't know Lily for himself and the fact that she had a boyfriend, he'd swear she and James were dating.

"Besides," she said, "I was actually looking for you at the moment."

He gave her a cheeky grin. "Oh really? Is that why you're looking so nice today Lils? All dressed up for me?"

She laughed and twirled around. She was wearing her favorite blue and green plaid sundress today and her hair was pulled back low with the unusually warm weather. "Actually I wanted to ask you something." She paused and strolled closer to him. "What do you think of Aly?"

"Aly?"

"Mmmhmm." She loved it when she made him look so confused.

"Well…" he paused thinking. After a minute he began again. "I think she's cute. And fun. She has a good sense of sarcasm. And a nice butt."

Lily guffawed and smacked him on the arm.

He grinned. "Why do you ask?"

Lily swung her arms around her body in a circle and responded in a carefree voice. "Just cause."

She knew something, he could tell. "Lily…." He pleaded.

Her eyes sparkled and she grinned. "Because she has a crush on you."

"Really?" He sounded excited.

She nodded.

"Huh." He gazed off into space thinking and then with a start he came back. "Thanks Lils," he said as he hugged her before heading back towards the castle. As soon as he was gone James emerged from the locker rooms, and gave her a hug.

"Ewww, you're still wet," she pretended to complain.

He just laughed. "You ready to take a walk?"

Again she nodded and they headed off in the direction of the lake.

* * *

The end of September finally rolled around, and although they had only been through a month of class the fifth years already felt the weight of OWLS looming over them. Thus, everyone seemed especially excited to get out of the castle for the first Hogsmeade trip of the year.

Currently Aly, Lily and the Marauders were all sitting in a corner of the common room trying to get the last of their work done. It was a Thursday night and tomorrow was the last day of classes before the weekend. Remus, Sirius and Peter were all sitting around the table so that Remus could explain to them the corrections they needed to make to their Potions essay, Lily and Aly were sitting across from each other on the couch, quizzing each other to prepare for a quiz in Arithmancy, and James was sitting in front of them finishing up his own Potions essay.

James paused before trying to figure out how to word his conclusion and listened to Sirius good naturedly try to convince Remus that he must have misheard Slughorn the other day – that an orchid wasn't a popular ingredient in dementia potions, that he said you needed a goldfish, or kid. Remus responded by rolling his eyes and calmly explaining to Peter than an orchid was a type of flower and that, no people did not put children in potions.

James then turned his attention to Lily and Aly. Lily was getting frustrated because Aly, who was suppose to be feeding her questions was too busy staring past her friend to look at Sirius. James laughed lightly under his breath at Lily's frustrated look and remembered and how Lily had told him last week after Aly had come running into their room telling her Sirius had just asked her to go out with him to Hogsmeade. Through Lily he knew how excited Aly was for their date. Sirius wasn't particularly nervous or excited, or at least didn't show it. Then again, James mused, he never did when it came to girls.

The next day Aly and Lily were up fairly early so that Lily could help Aly get ready for her date with Sirius. Of course, just like normal Aly asked for Lily's advice and although she was happy to give it, Aly always seemed to ignore it. Since Aly was so excited Lily tried not to get frustrated about this, but all the same was glad when it was time to meet the boys in the common room.

The six friends walked out to the town together but split off to give Sirius and Aly some privacy after they promised they'd all meet up at the Three Broomsticks later. James, Remus, Lily and Peter then had a fun time wandering around the shops. Lily laughed at how much chocolate Remus bought, and then Lily and Remus rolled their eyes at all the prank supplies James bought in Zonko's. Since both Lily and Remus had been made prefects she new Remus couldn't openly condone this behavior, but she saw him give James some money for his share of the supplies later. She smiled but didn't say anything.

The four of them were just finishing up lunch when James asked what they all wanted to do for the rest of the afternoon. Before anyone could voice any suggestions Remus said, "Actually, Peter asked me to help pick something out for his mom for her birthday in a few weeks."

"Oh that's nice," said Lily. "What were you thinking of getting her?" she asked Peter.

"Oh, I'm not sure yet," he said without elaboration. "But you and James don't need to come. I just asked Remus because I wanted his opinion on something."

James raised his eyebrow at Remus from across the table, but didn't say anything. He knew what was going on. He wasn't sure if Peter actually needed a present for his mom but this was clearly a cover story. And since it wasn't his birthday until December and neither was it Sirius' birthday until February, and Lily had just had hers he knew it wasn't to buy any of them a gift. James suspected Remus was trying to set him up with Lily and he was furious. It wasn't like they didn't already spend time together and were great friends. And besides, she had a boyfriend. What was he thinking?

Lily meanwhile could tell James was mad. And she could see the staring contest he was having with Remus. She encouraged Peter to go ahead then and have fun and as he and Remus left she and James headed down the street in the opposite direction towards the end of town. She didn't start a conversation since she knew he was still mad at Remus and was likely to snap at her anyways. Eventually they reached the Shrieking Shack and they stopped walking for a bit.

While they were walking James was able to push his anger to the back of his mind. He didn't want to talk to Lily about why he was mad but he did want to yell at Remus later, but he knew it would have to wait. To help try and get his mind off the subject of Remus setting him up with Lily he asked about the reason he couldn't be pursuing Lily in the first place, even if he wanted to.

"I saw you got a letter from Will yesterday. How is he?"

Lily signed as she leaned up against a tree. "He's good. He started school back up two weeks ago and was telling me about all his classes. He talked about his family a bit. I need to write back to him actually, it's just…..hard."

James looked at her. "Why hard?"

"Well I haven't exactly told him that I'm a witch or anything, that I go to a magical school where my favorite class is Charms and that I enjoy making Potions and that I struggle in a class where I'm suppose to turn one thing into something else." Lily smiled at him sarcastically.

James laughed lightly. "Well yeah, I guess I could see then why that would be hard." He paused and neither of them said anything for a few minutes. "So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I thought that maybe I could just avoid it for a while. And I guess I sort of can. Just call the classes something else, not talk about specifics or anything."

"That would probably be ok. I mean you can still talk about how much exams are going to suck and about how Slughorn loves you and how funny it is to watch Sirius try to charm McGonagall out of giving him detention. You can still talk about stuff Lily. Just not about magic. That's not all your life is about."

"I guess," she conceded. "And what should I tell him, that you play cricket for our dorm and that Sirius finally made the team?" she said sarcastically.

"No," he said laughing. "Definitely not. Tell him I play….football. I actually like the look of that sport. Too bad I'm not that coordinated with my feet. In fact it's a really good thing he's never met Sirius because he'd probably never buy that Sirius could play."

Lily laughed and they began walking back towards the village. "Well I don't know. I could see Sirius defending. Pushing people around mostly, guarding the goal, not as much with the running or the fancy footwork I suppose."

* * *

Almost a month later, Lily sat in her favorite chair in front of the fire in the common room, trying to write her response to Will. She had taken James' advice and talked about how much her professors were already stressing their important end of year exams. She talked about Sirius and Aly and how funny it was to watch them start dating. She talked to him about her professors and how she got along (or didn't get along) with them. By the time she was done she actually felt fairly satisfied with her letter, but realized that writing letters to Will was going to be more difficult as time went on since she couldn't discuss her classes with him really for obvious reasons. And since that was most of what she was doing she felt like she was still hiding a lot from him. Thankfully, as they corresponded more and more it seemed that he didn't seem to notice too much, and she was always glad to ask him about his classes and to hear about his friends and activities anyway.

However, she wasn't sure how to tell him about the most recent fight the Marauders had with Severus Snape. Just a few days earlier they had been walking through the hallway. Sirius was telling James about his Aunt Andromeada, who apparently James had met, and her daughter that had just been born. Severus had been behind them on their way to lunch from Potions and had apparently overheard. He made some comment Lily hadn't caught but she knew she heard the word "Mudblood" and a comment about Sirius' brother Regulus being an only child. In a flash, Sirius had turned and had his wand half and inch away from Snape's nose and Snape had also drawn his wand. James' wand was halfway drawn and Remus was quick to step between them all.

"Sirius, put your wand down."

Sirius ignored him. "James."

James made no move to put his wand away and didn't look at Remus. Instead never breaking eye contact with Snape he said, "you better put that down and walk down the hall in the other direction and not say another word."

In the meantime, Sirius was still furious and holding his wand at Snape's nose. Remus was looking between James and Snape, Peter hadn't drawn his wand and wasn't making a move to stand up for anyone, but had held his ground with the rest of his friends. Lily, who was partially behind James, had also not made any moves, and was much more scared than she looked. After a second in which everyone seemed to hold their breath, Snape pocketed his wand and quickly strode past the group and down the hall toward lunch.

Sirius likewise put his wand away, but was silent for the rest of lunch. When Lily tried to ask James about the conflict later that afternoon he only told her that if she wanted to know she'd have to ask Sirius. That unfortunately it wasn't his story to tell.

He hated not being able to share things with her, but he wouldn't talk about Sirius' home life with her unless Sirius talked to her about it a bit first.

Although Lily understood why James wouldn't tell her and she admired his loyalty for it, she still hadn't worked up the nerve to ask Sirius about it yet, since the memory of him that day still slightly frightened her. He was just so angry and the look in his eye was so cold. In that moment he looked so much older than 15. In the end she decided not to tell Will of the incident and resolved to work up the courage to ask Sirius about what happened.

* * *

It was around the middle of November, on a Saturday evening, that Aly came storming into the 5th year girl's dorm, crying her eyes out. Thankfully, Lily was the only one there and immediately jumped up from her bed and held her friend.

"Aly, what's wrong," she asked soothingly. She was confused, but knew that whatever had caused this couldn't be good.

"He…he broke up with me," she sobbed onto Lily's shoulder, her voice cracking on the last word.

"What?" Lily was pretty sure she had heard correctly, but couldn't really think of any reason Sirius would have to break up with her.

However, at this point Aly seemed incapable of peaking through her sobs, so Lily led her over to her bed and got her lying down. After another ten minutes of Aly crying all over Lily's lap as she stroked her hair, the sobs finally quieted and Lily was able to ask what had happened.

"Well I told you we were going for a walk right?"

Lily nodded.

"Well, after dinner we walked outside and were headed over towards the lake. He seemed really distant and wasn't saying much and it was kind of awkward so I started talking about how cold the weather was starting to get and how our classes seemed to be getting harder and we just kept walking. After a while he hadn't said anything still, just gave me one word responses and I sort of ran out of things to talk about so we just walked in silence for a while. Then out of the blue as we get closer to the castle he just says, 'Aly I think we ought to break up.' And I was just so shocked, all I could think of to say was, 'but 

why?' And then he told me our relationship seemed pretty boring and he never really knew what to say to me, so I came back here."

Lily kept stroking her hair, knowing she was editing the story some, but not wanting to push it. "I'm sorry honey."

"How could he think I'm boring? I'm not boring, am I Lily?" she said somewhat desperately.

"No, you're not. He's the boring one."

"Yeah. I mean, at least I tried to talk to him, he hardly ever had anything to say to me. Stupid boys."

Lily smiled. Well at least her friend had quickly moved from being upset to being angry and Sirius. Maybe she'd get over that just as quickly.

"Try and get some sleep Aly, you've had a tough evening."

"You're probably right," she said as she climbed into bed. As Lily climbed under her own covers she hoped Aly would get over this break up quickly. She knew Sirius would.

A week and a half later it seemed Lily had been proven wrong. Aly was still mad at Sirius and refused to sit or be near him, which mean t the Lily also could not sit or be near Sirius very often. And since Sirius and James were very often together this resulted in Lily hardly ever getting to hang out with James, Sirius, or even Remus and Peter. Last weekend James had managed to sneak Lily away for a walk on the grounds, but then they started arguing over the reason their friends broke up. So then they were mad at each other. All in all, by day twelve of this, Lily was beginning to have had enough. The first week she went along with it because she knew Aly needed some support. Then after that she was sure that the next day things would settle down. Thursday night, Lily drew the line and sat with Sirius and James at dinner. Aly didn't say anything, but kept giving her frost glares from where she was sitting with Lauren and Christine, their fellow fifth years down the table. Lily coolly ignored her.

"Hey Lily," said James. He was happy to see her and was not still angry about their argument earlier in the week.

"Good to see you again Lily love," said Sirius with a smile. "I see you finally managed to sneak away."

"Walked away in plain sight more like," said Remus as he sat down with them.

"Where's Peter?" asked Lily, ignoring the comments about not sitting with Aly. She preferred to act like it had already blown over.

"He's writing a letter to his mum," said Remus as he took a huge bite of mashed potatoes.

After dinner, Aly caught up to Lily in the hallway and asked to speak to her alone. The two ducked inside an empty classroom, and as soon as the door was shut, Aly started speaking.

"Why'd you sit with him?" she asked angrily.

"Aly, Sirius is my friend took. So are the rest of the guys. You know that."

"What about me?"

"I've spent the last two weeks hanging out with no one but you!"

"Oh please, you just hate being away from James."

"Of course I do!" She was made now and she was in danger of letting her temper fly. "He's my best friend!"

"I thought I was your best friend!"

"Aly," she pleaded. She didn't want to hurt anyone's feeling so she made an effort to drop her voice. "You know that's not true."

Aly sighed and her face fell. "I know." And then she did something Lily didn't expect. "I'm sorry. I've been really self absorbed lately, haven't I?"

Lily smiled at her. "A bit. But it's alright, I forgive you."

"Thanks."

The two girls hugged and then made their way up to the tower. And once they got their Lily went to sit and do homework with the Marauders and Aly got her things together to go to the library. Lily sat down next to James and sighed.

"How'd that go?" he asked sympathetically.

"Good. I think things will go back to normal now."

And for a while, they did.

AN: Tell me in a review. Good last line or bad last line? Anyways, stuff starts to pick up from here, and I'm really excited to have an opportunity to write much more frequently, so this ought to start getting really interesting. Like I've mentioned before. This story is completely planned out. There are 32 chapters, and this story WILL be finished. (Partly because that's the only way my roommate will read it) I love you Heidi! :D


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

On a Thursday morning near the end of November, Lily sat down in the Great Hall to a hurried breakfast before she had to run off to an exam in Charms. Her friends were sitting around her – most of them doing some last minute studying. James, who was on her left said hello briefly and then went back to his book. She had arrived at the end of the post delivery and saw that one of the last owls held a letter for her. Immediately she became excited. She had written her mother a while ago and had been expecting a response. However, the return address on the letter changed everything. Without looking up, James asked, "is it form you're mum or Will?" He knew they were the only people Lily received mail from regularly.

"No," she said in a daze.

James looked up.

"It's from my sister." She couldn't react. Why would Petunia send her mail? They didn't get along and hardly ever _talked_ let alone _wrote_ each other. James looked at Lily's face. She seemed to be in shock, though he knew whatever was in that letter would most likely upset her, since that's all her sister ever seemed to do, and that she didn't want to read it in the Great Hall. He had to act quickly. "Come on Lils, we'll be late to Charms." Dazed Lily let him grab her hand and help her up, sliding the letter in the pocket of her robes. Still in a state of confusion she followed him from the Great Hall, leaving her untouched toast on the table.

* * *

The letter burned a hole in her pocket all morning. She was sure she did horribly on her Charms exam since she couldn't concentrate at all, but hopefully since it was her best subject she wouldn't fail. She was sure that whatever was in that letter was sure to be disastrous or at the very least hateful. The only probable reason she could think of that would compel Petunia to write would be if 

something had happened to their parents, and she didn't really want to entertain that possibility. She was so distracted that when McGonagall called on her during Transfiguration to demonstrate how to turn a porcupine into a pincushion – something they had mastered last year – Lily accidently set the thing on fire, sending it scattering off the table and catching Emily Garrett's robes on fire. McGonagall held her after class but thankfully she didn't get detention. Finally Lily had a few minutes to get away and read the letter. As all of her friends headed off the lunch, Lily headed up to her dorm room. Once she was on her bed with the curtains closed around her, she opened the letter and began to read.

_Lily,_

_ I received a letter from our mother yesterday admonishing me for failing in my duty as an older sister. I cannot believe what you told her! Honestly Lily, like I'm the only one to be blamed for the way our relationship is. When you told mother that we never spoke, apparently you think it is entirely my fault for never speaking to you. I had to point out to mother that you left first and never wrote, that you were always the baby – getting all the attention and sympathy and never once bothering to include me. Yet somehow all of this is my fault for not taking care of you, paying attention to you. My god Lily, how selfish could you possibly be? You never included me in your letters home, never included me in your world the way you tried to include our parents and now just as I'm trying to build a life for myself when I graduate this spring, you cannot stand having the attention on me can you? No, you had to go and complain and whine to mother about what a __horrible__ person I am because I refuse to allow you to have all the attention, because I refuse to be included when __you__ were the one who shut me out in the first place! You're selfish attention seeking ways are pulling this family apart. I hope you're happy._

_ Petunia_

For the second time that day, Lily was in total shock. A small part of her was focusing on the fact that nothing had happened to her parents and that everyone was ok. The rest of her felt like she had just been blindsided by a car. Why on 

earth did Petunia always blame her? Was it possibly really her fault? What would she tell her mother? What had Petunia already told their mother? Would she ever believe Lily? After the shock wore off and the questions began to sink in, Lily realized that hot tears were flowing freely down her cheeks. Numbly, she put her head down, clutched her pillow to her and buried her face in it to muffle her sobs.

The next evening found Lily sitting in front of the common room fire. Both letters from her mother and Will had come that morning. She read Will's at the table, glad to see that he was not involved in the lies that Petunia was spreading about her. His letter had been filled with normal stuff: news about school, the road tripe he and his friends were planning for the summer, and the new baby his oldest cousin had just had. Lily planned to write him back in the next week. It took so long to mail things home that she wanted to make sure her last letter got home before she did. She hadn't opened her mother's letter until after dinner. She was terrified of what Petunia had said about her, sure that they were aimed to make sure seem like a nasty person so that Petunia would get attention. Lily had never understood what made Petunia do these things – it was like she wanted as much drama in her life as possible. For the most part Lily could care less about the things Petunia did, but these last few years it seemed like she had realized that making Lily the source of the drama accomplished two things. Not only did Petunia have the opportunity to create as much drama as she wanted, but when Lily was the dramatic one, Petunia got to be the wronged sister whom everyone sympathized. Indeed, her mother's letter, while not being ugly or hateful, was painfully questioning. It was like she was waiting for Lily to admit that the things Petunia had said about her were true. Lily knew she would never admit to such lies, but she also knew that now her denials would never be believed. Her mother was always easily influenced by the opinions of others, and now that Petunia had gotten to her first there was no way she'd believe Lily if she tried to tell the truth. She knew that if she tried to tell herm other the truth about what Petunia was doing, that it would make her sound exactly like the lying, selfish person Petunia had made her out to be. Lily wasn't sure what to do.

Lily knew her relationship with her parents was not as close as it would have been were she not magical. There were just some things they just couldn't understand or grasp. IT was like a generation gap, except about a hundred times worse. Her relationship with her mother especially wasn't very strong before – Lily had always felt closer to her father. But right now her relationship with her mother was perilously think, and it was killing her.

She knew she needed to talk about it, so she pulled a spare piece of parchment from her robes, ripped it in half and cast the spell. She sent one to James, wherever he was and waiting. After about 5 minutes she got a message.

_Still in the common room?_

_How did you know?_

_I'll show you later – it'll cheer you up. How are you doing anyway?_

_Not great_

_Want to talk about it?_

_Yeah, want to head to the kitchens for a bit?_

_Sure. The guys and I are in the library. Why don't you head down and we'll go from here?_

_Alright. Back corner?_

_Yeah._

_Just you and me though, right?_

_Of course Lils. Always._

_Ok. I'll see you soon._

She checked her pocket to make sure she had both her sister and he mum's letters and headed to the library.

When she got there she walked straight to the back right corner near the restricted section. The four of them were hunched over the table, which was filled with open books. And they all seemed to be trying to read the same piece of parchment. Considering it was a Friday evening, she didn't think they were doing homework.

"What are you guys doing?"

"Lily love! Come look at this," Sirius said.

Slowly Lily stepped forward to join the huddle.

"It's a map," she said with awe. On the parchment she saw a map of what looked like the Hogwarts castle. Clearly the map was incomplete, but it did currently show Gryffindor Tower, the Library, the Kitchens, the Great Hall, most of the hallways and classrooms between the first and seventh floors and two passages from the castle leading off the map towards Hogsmeade. Lily immediately noticed that the other 3 common rooms were not on the map, and the lake and the Quidditch Pitch were also missing.

"What is this?" she breathed.

"A map," said Sirius, clearly satisfied with his answer.

Both Lily and Remus shot him looks while James laughed. "That part at least, is clear," she muttered.

Remus explained, "It's a map that shows where people are in the castle."

She frowned. "I don't see anyone one it. Just us." She pointed to their five black dots practically overlaid in a corner of the library.

"Well," said Peter, "we're still working on it. So far we can only add specific people to the map. We're still trying to come up with a spell that will show everyone on the map regardless. So that all the new first years will show up automatically. Stuff like that. So far the map only shows us, a few other people from Gryffindor, most of our Professors, and Filtch and Mrs. Norris."

Lily nodded.

"That and the fact that a lot of places in the castle still haven't been added yet," added James.

"Wow." So this was how he found her. "How long have you guys been working on this?"

Sirius laughed. "Remember that prank we tried to pull on McGonagall during third year?"

James remembered it distinctly. It was that prank that landed him the detention he shared with Lily when they'd first become friends. He wondered if Lily remembered. He met her eyes with a questioning glance and she nodded, knowing that he was thinking the same thing she was.

Sirius looked back and forth between his friends. HE wasn't sure what that look meant but he knew he could cut the sexual tension in the room with a knife. So he kept talking.

"Ever since then, James and I realized we needed a map that would show us where everyone in the castle was in real time – regardless of their form," he 

added with a scowl. Clearly this was were the prank had gone wrong. "Once we brought up the idea to Remus and Peter, Peter had a great idea and Remus researched it until we knew enough to make it work." Thankfully Lily looked away from James and the tension in the air dissolved.

"This is really cool guys," but her mind was preoccupied. "I'm kind of hungry though so I'm going to head to the kitchens."

"I'll come with you. We can test drive the map."

Sirius opened his mouth, but Remus cut him off. "Yeah alright. We'll see you guys back at the common room later."

"Ok, well, we'll see you then," James said as he and Lily headed out the door with the map.

They waited until they were sure the library door had closed.

"Well," said Remus, "that was interesting."

"You're telling me," said Sirius. "It's downright disconcerting the way those two can communicate without talking sometimes."

Remus nodded.

"I don't know," said Peter thoughtfully. He paused, trying to gather his thoughts. "I think those two are very close." Sirius rolled his eyes. "I mean even more than either we, or even more than they, may realize."

"I personally figured they'd be dating by now," offered Remus, remembering that day in the library so long ago.

"Yeah well if it wasn't for Will I think they probably would be," said Sirius.

They both looked at Peter. "I'm not sure. I don't think either of them has figured out – or at least admitted – that they're attracted to each other," he said.

"I think maybe James has," offered Remus. "At least a little bit. What do you think Sirius?"

Sirius thought for a minute. He knew James really well, and had seen him around Lily many times. He remembered part of a conversation he overheard between them just that last summer, remembered the desperate sound of James' voice. He remembered how ashamed he had felt for intruding on such a private moment and had stolen silently away. He met Remus' eye.

"I think he's in love with her, though I doubt he knows it yet."

Remus nodded solemnly. "What about Lily?" he asked them.

Peter shrugged. "I don't know."

And so the three friends sat there, knowing that their friend was in much more danger than he realized, of having his heart broken.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the kitchen Lily and James had just sat down to a snack. Lily had a plate full of white truffles in front of her and both of them were holding butterbeers.

"So what did Petunia's letter say," asked James.

Lily sighed and pulled both letters from her pocket. "Here, it'll be easier if you just read them for yourself."

"You sure?"

She just nodded and popped another truffle in her mouth.

After a few minutes he had finished and looked up. "Well, that was completely uncalled for."

Lily sighed again. "I know. I don't know what I ever did, but her gossiping dramatic mind is hell bent on convincing everyone she can that I am a horrible, selfish, attention seeking person." Tears started to break through. "What's awful is that my own mother seems to believe her."

"Lily," James said. "You know she doesn't really. She's just confused by all the things Petunia is telling her. It seems like, from her letter, she's just afraid that she doesn't know who you are."

"I know, but I don't know how to tell her I'm not the person Petunia says I am. I mean come on James you read the letters. She'll never believe me if I try to tell her the truth about Petunia!"

"Then don't."

"Well then how am I suppose to –"

"I didn't say to tell her anything. You're right. If you try to deny what Petunia has said and point out the lies she is spreading then you'll play right into her hands. You have to be the bigger person Lily. You have to act like yourself. If you continue to not act like the person Petunia says you are, then eventually people will realize that you aren't that person."

She sniffed. It made sense. "I know. I just don't feel like I've done anything to deserve having to prove my character to my own mother."

"You haven't. Petunia is just a mean person who wants a more exciting life. It's a shame she didn't end up in our work huh?"

That actually made Lily smile. "I think Petunia would die of shock if she ever actually saw magic. She talks the talk but she could never walk the walk."

James chuckled. "so, are you going to write a response back to either of them?"

"Certainly not to Petunia." She didn't know what she'd say – didn't feel like she had the confidence to stand up to her. Petunia could be just so damn manipulating sometimes that Lily was often intimidated by her sister. "I don't know what I'd say to my mum. 'I'm sorry you think so little of me as to believe what Petunia is saying.' Not likely."

"No, but maybe something more along the lines of 'I'm sorry you don't feel like we're really close but I hope you know I'm not that kind of person,' could work."

Lily sighed and shook her head before she took another swig of butterbeer. "I don't know James. Maybe."

James knew that was the best he'd get. "What about Will?"

Lily snapped her head up. "What about him?"

"Will you tell him?"

She stared off into space. After a minute she said quietly. "No."

"Lily –"

"No. I just can't right now James." Didn't he understand? Her confidence was just too low after this blow. What if he believed Petunia? What if she really was 

like that and he knew it? No. He was possibly the only person in the non-magical world that did not think ill of her right now. She needed it to stay that way.

James couldn't understand why she wouldn't tell him the things her sister was constantly putting her through. Didn't she understand that in a relationship you needed to share yourself with the other person? That you can't keep secrets in a relationship. It would destroy her if she kept doing this he knew. And while he wouldn't be upset to see the end of their relationship by any means, it would upset him to see Lily get hurt. IF she really liked the guy, she couldn't keep doing things like this to him. I mean he already didn't know she was a witch – what _did_ he knew about her? James knew that in his heart he was desperately hoping for their relationship to fail, but acknowledging that made him feel guilty so before he could dwell on it anymore he suggested that they head back up to the tower since it actually was quite late.

And so the pair made their way through the cold darkened hallways – a reminder that winter break was drawing closer.

* * *

**A/N: Cool so I told you I'd get a new chapter up when I got back didn't I? Anyways, please review. I'd like to know what you guys think about the focus of the story. In the past it has taken turns to some degree focusing on each person or the bonds they have with another person. The next chapter will mostly focus on Lily's break and her relationship with her parents and Will. (Yes they will fight - I know many of you have said you don't like him) But after that we will actually see quite a bit more on Peter as we focus on his changing dynamic with the group? Is this good? Is this bad? Do you want more of a specific character/relationship? Yes this is ultimately a James/Lily fic but that won't get REALLY interesting (and I mean really interesting) until Chapter 26. So in the meantime, what would you like to see? Tell me in a review!**


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Lily had had a bad day. No scratch that – a bad week. She scowled at the ceiling above her bed and decided to just admit the truth. It had been an all around bad break so far. Definitely the worst she could remember. She'd gotten home about two weeks earlier to find that Petunia would be staying with them almost the entire time she was at home. Of all the years for their breaks to coincide it had to be this one. She'd mostly made it through Christmas by spending time with her dad when he was home from work, or out with Will.

She scowled again when she thought of Will. She'd been glad to spend time with him when she was home – really. Now whether that was because she truly craved his company or because she was avoiding her house she wasn't really sure. At the very least he was interesting and easy to be around and her relationship with him wasn't – or at least hadn't been until last night – strained. He seemed extremely happy that she seemed to want to spend so much time with him even if sometimes she was quiet and withdrawn. Just last week he had finally asked her what was wrong. She briefly considered telling him about her family troubles. Then she thought that maybe he didn't know her quite that well yet, after besides the summer they spent together they had only written and she didn't want him to realize that the reason she was spending so much time with him was because her sister was being unbearable. At home she was quiet and withdrawn, hoping not to draw attention to herself. Sirius would call it keeping a low profile. And this behavior had started to bleed over to the time she spent with Will, making her just as timid as she currently was at home. So in the end she told him that her exams had been really difficult and she was stressed about all the work she was going to have to do to prepare for her level finals in the spring and conceded that her sister was being "a little difficult right now." She didn't meet his eye.

Will for his part didn't seem to mind that she seemed more subdued than the last time she had seen him. In fact he seemed to enjoy it more when she wasn't being quiet so eccentric and opinionated. All in all it was about a fifty-fifty chance whether Lily would act like her old self or seem withdrawn. This probably was due to the fact that about every other day she received some correspondence from James, Sirius, Remus or even Peter.

Lily's musings where cute short when there was a soft knock on her door. With her acknowledgement her dad poked his head in. "Will's here. He asked to see you."

Lily folded her arms across her chest and hoped she looked as indifferent as possible. "I don't want to talk to him."

Her dad sighed and began to close the door and then seemed to thing better of it because he lingered for a minute before saying. "Lily – I don't really know how to say this because I'm not upset that your mad at him, but…"

Lily looked at him. The day her dad stood up for a boy she was seeing was a shocking one. "You just haven't seemed yourself much lately, and I know why," he said before she could interject. "But don't let the tension at home ruin your other relationships. This will pass – you know it will, but when the dust settles I think you're going to regret this."

She closed her mouth without saying anything and looked back at her ceiling before sighing. "Tell him I'll be down in a minute."

He nodded and shut the door.

As she got up to brush her hair and her teeth and make sure she looked presentable she thought back to last night. While she was at home, Will had asked her to attend a New Year's Eve party with him at his friend's house. Yesterday having received a long letter from James and looking forwards to writing him a length reply when she could vent all her frustrations she had left the house for the party in high spirits and acting much like herself. The party was somewhat awkward for Lily. The entire house was packed with people, none of which she knew. There was also a fair amount of alcohol around. It wasn't that the alcohol made Lily uncomfortable, in fact James and Sirius had managed to acquire a bottle of Firewhiskey before the end of term and gotten her to try it. She was convinced they had done it to help relax and loosen her up before she went home and had to deal with her sister. And she was actually very glad they had. However when Will offered her a drink here, she refused. One of his friends, Tom, who was throwing the party asked condescendingly, "What you've never had anything to drink before?"

Lily glared at him, not appreciating his tone and replied, "Not that it's any of your business but I have."

Their other friend, Ed, laughed. "Yeah, what? A wine cooler?"

All three of them, including Will, laughed. Lily fumed. She couldn't very well tell them she'd had firewhiskey since they would think she was crazy but she wasn't going to let them sit here and make fun of her. She smiled sweetly. "Actually, I prefer Irish Whiskey, thank you."

"Somehow I don't think you could hold your liquor, sprite," said Tom. Lily fumed again and stormed off and out the door. Will had followed her and they had argued. She was annoyed that he wouldn't stand up for her and that his friends were being condescending and shallow prats and he claimed she was being stubborn, opinionated, and that she couldn't just take a joke. "Besides, it's not like you _have_ ever had anything to drink before." This only served to make her more angry and she asked if he would take her home. He said they should stay until midnight and then he would walk her the three blocks home. Lily reluctantly agreed because she wasn't stupid enough to walk home alone when she couldn't use magic. As they walked back in the door the room erupted in cheers and couples everywhere were kissing as the clock had stuck midnight not 2 minutes before. Will turned to Lily to kiss her and she turned around and walked back out the door. "Great, we can go now."

She had arrived home, said goodnight to her dad waiting up on the couch and gone straight to her room, where she'd penned a quick note to James and sent Akira out the window before she went to bed.

Someone knocked on her bathroom door. "Lily?" her dad asked.

"I'm coming." And she walked downstairs. Will was sitting on the couch waiting for her as she entered the living room. He was wearing the blue sweater she had complimented last week because it matched his eyes, so she knew he was trying hard to apologize.

"Morning Lily." He glanced at her dad and back at Lily nervously. "Can we go for a walk?" She nodded and they took off down the street toward the park.

After a few minutes of walking in silent they reached to small neighborhood park and Will started talking. "I'm sorry for last night. It's just different being with you and my friends at the same time. I act differently when I'm with you then I do with them and I like that. I wanted them to like you but they just think you're different."

Lily stiffened a bit at that. Well she was different. He just didn't even know the half of it.

"But I love that you're different. And they don't get that." He looked at her, waiting for her to speak. She wasn't sure what to say. Part of her wanted to tell him just how different she was and she if he could accept it, just to be difficult. But she knew she couldn't do that. When she didn't respond he took her face between his hands and looked at her. She couldn't look away, and his blue eyes were so soft she didn't want to. "Lily I love when you're spirited and opinionated and sarcastic. I like your different point of view on things and your unwillingness to judge people and how strong you are. You got annoyed last night because you weren't going to let them walk on you like that – I get that now. I was proud of you, but then I was conflicted when they seemed to think it was funny just to irritate you and I couldn't figure out why they didn't like you for it."

He glanced down at her lips and looked back in her eyes. "The minute you shut your door last night I wanted to apologize. Please forgive me?"

He believed in her. She could hardly believe it and she needed it so badly. All she could do was kiss him because she remembered why she had liked him so much in the first place. Maybe she could tell him she was a witch. Eventually at least. But not right now. No not yet. Just in case.

When she got home a bit later she saw Akira in her room waiting with a reply from James. She became even more excited as she opened in and read his response.

_Lils,_

_Of course you can come spend the rest of break here. Don't ever feel bad for asking. I know of a place we can floo from near you I called my dad at work at asked him about it. Do you want me to come over tomorrow and get you and we can floo back? Please let me know as soon as possible, I'll be planning to see you in the early afternoon tomorrow._

_ James_

Lily picked up a quill off her desk and held it over the parchment. The thought of telling him it was ok at that she would stay here crossed her mind for about five seconds before 

she quickly wrote her address and said she would see him tomorrow before sending Akira back out the window. After all, it wasn't just her fight with Will last night that had made her want to get out of here. She quickly ran downstairs and told her dad that she had forgotten James had invited her over to his house for the rest of break. He asked if she had made up with Will and she smiled before thanking him for the earlier advice. Once he was convinced that wasn't the reason she was leaving he said she could go and she ran upstairs to get packed.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: I just want to say that this chapter is for all those people who have been reviewing my story lately. A while back someone read this story and said, "I don't know why there aren't a lot more reviews, I think it's a great story." And that comment really spurred me to really finish this. So for all of you who have been tuning in for each of the last few updates and leaving me lengthy reviews with more substance than "cool" thank you. You are the reason I'm giving you guys such a long chapter so soon! So this chapter is dedicated to: shetlandlace, muddy worm, XlinzX, Adaira, and offramp. Thanks!**

Chapter 20 or Peter's Chapter

The next afternoon, Lily was in the middle of getting her clean clothes from the laundry to put in her trunk. Her parents were seeing Petunia off to school. Once she had heard Lily was leaving she seemed in a desperate hurry to get back, so Lily was alone in the house. As she walked through the living room to the stair the door bell rang. Holding her laundry basket against her with her left hand she opened the door with her right, thinking that maybe James was early.

Disappointment flooded through her as she saw that it was not James on her porch, but Will. She didn't have a chance to wonder at it though because he was trying to talk to her.

"Hey. I was coming over to see if you wanted to go to a movie this afternoon."

Oh crap, she hadn't told him she was leaving. "Umm, actually Will I can't." She opened the door up the rest of the way and invited him in before shutting the door behind him. "I'm actually leaving this afternoon. I forgot to tell you the last few days what with the party and everything." She trailed off looking at him with guilt. She really did feel bad. She actually liked him, but she really needed to get out of this house, and since she had never told him about Petunia, she wasn't sure he'd be able to understand why.

He looked confused. "I thought you said term didn't start for another week?"

Lily sighed. "It doesn't but I forgot that I promised James I'd come over for the last week of break and I'd forgotten about it and then we had that fight and I just forgot to tell you ok? I'm really sorry." She paused. "I'm going to miss you."

He relaxed. "I'm going to miss you too Lily. I guess I'm just a bit jealous because you get to see him all term and I can't see you and I was counting on the next week to make up for being mad at you the other night." Lily smiled as he put his hand on the back of her neck and kissed her. "Is he coming to get you or are you taking the train there?"

Oh crap, Lily thought for the second time in five minutes. "Umm, he's taking the train over here to hang out for the afternoon and then we're taking it back later today." That was close to true.

"Cool. Can I meet him?"

Oh crap. "Umm," Lily tried to brave a smile, "of course you can." At least Will wouldn't try and start something because he was still trying to make up for being mad at her. Lily couldn't say the same for James. She wished there was a way to warn him but pretty much all the ways to contact him involved magic.

"So, can I help you take that upstairs?" he asked. Lily saw the suggestive look he gave her and was on the verge of agreeing when she realized that her room was no fit place for a muggle to walk into considering Akira was sleeping in her cage, and spell books were lying all over the floor since her trunk wasn't packed.

"Umm no, I've got them. I'll be right back."

As she began walking up the stairs she heard Will call out, "Lily one of your drawing pencils is in your back pocket. Just so, you know, you don't sit on it or anything." Oh crap, her wand was in her back pocket, no wonder she couldn't find it just minutes earlier.

"Umm, thanks!" she chocked out before she ran up the stairs.

* * *

She and Will stayed in her living room and watched a movie while waiting for James to arrive. They were watching some movie that had been released just last year that Lily hadn't seen because it seemed that every year she lost more and more contact with the muggle world. She personally didn't think it was that interesting so she was glad when the door bell finally signaled that James had arrived. Lily hopped off the couch and pulled the door open before leaping into James' arms in a hug.

He just picked her up and swung her around laughing. "Hey Lils, are you ready to go? It's a bit of a walk to where we need to fl— ow. What was that for?"

At the near mention of a floo Lily had smacked James hard on the arm, but she didn't need to answer him since at that moment Will stepped up behind Lily and reaching his left arm around Lily's shoulders he stuck his right hand out for James to shake. "Hi, you must be James. I've heard a lot about you, I'm Will."

James noted both the way Will's arm snaked around Lily as if to reclaim her after she hugged him and the fact that he was taller than Will, with satisfaction. Will was jealous. James smirked and he saw the slightly worried look that passed Lily's face. He wouldn't start anything, but he could tell she was worried.

He took Will's hand. "Nice to meet you Will, I've heard quite a bit about you as well." As he stepped inside he glanced at the clock, noticing it was already 5 minutes to 3. He had to think fast. "Lily would you mind if I used your bathroom real quick?"

Lily gave him a strange look. "Sure, it's just – "

James cut her off despite the fact that he'd never been to her house before. "I remember." And promptly bounded up the stairs.

Lily looked confused and turned to Will. "I'm just going to go make sure he finds it ok. I'll be right back," before taking off up the stairs after him. She found him in the door way to her room. "James," she hissed, "what are you doing?"

James motioned her in her room and shut the door before speaking quietly. "Well I was trying to tell you it's quite a bit of a walk to where we need to floo and since I figured you didn't want to floo with your trunk anyways I had my mum make a portkey that activates at 3. I thought that'd give me plenty of time but it took me so long to walk here we've only got five minutes.

"Oh crap," Lily said shaking her head. "Alright help me just throw everything in there, I'll repack it all once we get to your house."

James nodded and like mad men they flew through her room throwing all of her books and clean clothes into her trunk. Just in case, Lily grabbed her wand and kept in on her person, this time making sure she did a better job of hiding it in her back pocket under her sweater. They two of them closed it and James attached the portkey with about 30 seconds to go. They watched it safely disappear before James headed back downstairs. Lily followed about a minute behind him.

When she got downstairs Will was giving her a strange look and she smiled at him. "Sorry, I just went ahead and finished packing those clean clothes I had forgotten about." She looked at both of the boys. "Well why don't we go down to the commons before my parents get back and have to take me to the train station?" They all agreed and Will drove the three of them down to the commons. All in all, James seemed amused by his interaction with Will, and Will insisted on holding Lily's hand for most of the afternoon which for some reason made her feel even more awkward than she already did. She still wasn't convinced James wasn't going to start up with something about magic. She knew he thought she should tell Will and she would eventually, but she didn't want to be forced into doing it because of an "accidental" slip up by James. By the time they got back Lily's parents were home so Lily told Will she needed to say goodbye. Will swept her up in a hug and kissed her very thoroughly goodbye, which Lily normally wouldn't have minded except that he felt the need to do it in front of both her parents and James. After he left, her parents offered to drive them both down to the docks, which is apparently where they were going to floo from.

At the docks, Lily said goodbye to her parents and was glad to see that her mother seemed like she was really going to miss her and apologized for not spending much time with Lily while she was at home. As they walked across the docks Lily wondered where they were going, but knowing James probably wouldn't answer, didn't say anything. Eventually they made it to the north end of the dock where a small, old cabin set back near the shoreline stood. Lily had seen it many times when she'd been down at the docks. It was one of her favorite places to sketch since the people were always so colorful and different. As the approached the cabin Lily realized there was smoke coming out of the chimney, not unusual in January for sure, but she hadn't realized anyone actually lived there. James walked up to the door and knocked three times. As it opened Lily's face broke into a smile.

"Hi Larry," she said.

Larry, an older man with a very wrinkled face and a slightly bent back smiled widely, showing many missing teeth. " 'ello Miss Lily. 'ow argh ye?" He had seen Lily sketching on the docks for years and knew she was magical. He had finally said hello and rather than being scared she was kind to the poor old man, always greeting him when she saw him near the shipyard.

"I'm good Larry." She turned to James and saw him smiling. He hadn't realized that she knew Larry and was glad she did. They stepped inside to a cabin that was bigger and nicer than it's outside hinted at. "I didn't know you were magical Larry," Lily admitted. "Though I must say I did suspect. Are we borrowing your floo then?"

Larry smiled and sat back in an overstuffed armchair after moving a copy of The Daily Prophet. "Yes Miss Lily aye em. Aye knew ye was a witch though. Ye can tell 'eres something different about ye."

Lily smiled and blushed lightly at his compliment before turning to James as he explained.

"I asked my dad to check if there was a restaurant or a pub or anything nearby that had a floo, but he looked it up and said Ol' Larry actually lived here now. Larry was the game keeper at Hogwarts when my parents were in school."

"Oh that's wonderful!"

Larry laughed. "Yup. 'ere I was readin da Prophet when Henry Potter's wee lil lad comes out me fiaplace. An' turns out he married dat Christine too!" Lily looked excited to hear about James' parents at school so he continued. "She wouldn't give em da time o' day! She was da sweetest gerl, but Henry now, ee 'ad a knack fer trouble!" Lily laughed at looked at James who was smiling. Clearly he had heard this before.

"It was wonderful to see you Larry, but I think we really need to be going."

"Twas good to see ye Miss Lily, an' any time ye need to use me fiaplace, feel free."

"Thanks Larry." And just a minute later, she and James were gone.

* * *

James hung out in Lily's guest room later that evening as she unpacked and repacked the mess she currently called her trunk.

"So you mentioned you had a fight with Will. Did you guys make up or something?"

Lily sighed and wasn't sure how to explain. "It wasn't a fight so much as I got annoyed with him and so he got annoyed with me because he didn't think he deserved it. He came and apologized this morning and it really wasn't that big of a deal. But yes, I did forgive him for it if that's what your asking."

James rubbed a hand through his hair. "I don't know what you see in him Lils. I mean you guys don't seem that close – he barely knows anything about your real life. I just…don't get it sometimes."

Lily through her robes in a pile on the bed. "Sometimes like the other night I don't either. But then today when he apologized…" she began rummaging in her trunk, not looking at James. "I don't know James, he's nice to me and easy to talk to and interesting and cute," since she wasn't looking she didn't see James flinch at that one, "and I'm still getting to know him so calm down. It's just taking longer because we don't get to see each other a lot. It's not like I'm marrying the guy or anything." Another flinch. "Besides," now she did turn and look at him, pulling her wand out of her pocket and twirling it between her fingers, "I am going to tell him." James raised an eyebrow.

"Lily you can't really explain this sort of thing in a letter."

"I'm not. I'm telling him next time I'm at home. He likes that I'm different, that's what he said today. I think maybe he'll accept it."

James nodded not sure what to say. He was glad Lily had admitted that it wasn't that serious since he grudgingly admitted that he wanted the relationship to fail. He knew that any guy she dated he wouldn't find good enough, but that was normal wasn't it? No one would ever care for Lily as much as he did, they were best friends after all.

Lily finally closed her trunk. "Come on, let's go see what's for dinner."

The pair trudged downstairs and were in the kitchen eying the apple pie when there was a knock at the door. Henry, who was in his office had stepped out to answer it and James, followed by Lily, cut through the sitting room towards the front entrance to see who it was. As they passed through the sitting room however, James heard his father's voice.

"Orion, what a surprise. And Walburga, how nice to see you."

Now it as James' turn to think, oh crap, as he quickly shoved a hand over Lily's mouth and pulled her into the old large robe cabinet in the sitting room that no one used.

"Shhh," he whispered keeping his hand over her mouth and his arm tightly around her waist. "It's the Blacks. And I know Sirius isn't with them."

Lily's heart sped up, both at the implied danger and her proximity to James. The cabinet they were in was large enough to stand in, but really only wide enough for one person. Thankfully, James was very wiry, but this meant that in order to fit in the cabinet, she was pressed up against James chest. It wasn't that she hadn't been this close to James before either, it was just that this felt much more like an intimate embrace than just a hug did.

James was also acutely aware of their position but he was trying to listen to the voices in the hall and kept getting distracted by Lily's hair tickling the side of his chin. He couldn't help but noticing that she folded perfectly into his arms and that her head only came up to his cheekbone. She was much shorter and smaller than she acted. He smiled as he thought to himself about how big her personality made her seem – a force to be reckoned with. But the seriousness of the situation was quickly made clear as his father led the Blacks into the sitting room where Christine joined them.

"Henry as such a high ranking Auror in the ministry surely you've heard of the current debate with the laws."

"I have Orion."

"And what do you think of them? The changes that some are proposing."

"I do hope that in time yes, the secrecy laws can become more relaxed and that we can more freely interact with muggles."

"Ahh yes. It is frustrating then, is it not, that such relaxation of the laws faces so much blockading? "

"Does it really?" asked Christine.

"Oh yes," said Orion, "it is as if our population seems determined to hide away for the rest of our existence. That's surely no way to live is it? Hiding away. After all, we are so much more powerful than them. Why should we hide?"

Henry seemed to pick his words carefully. "I do agree that in this day and age hiding away our existence is becoming harder and harder, especially with so many more wizards and witches marrying muggles. Along with the increase in muggle borns we've seen over the last decade."

"Exactly. What if I told you there were some people willing to do something about this? Try to force the hand of the wizarding world towards more interaction with muggles?" The sneer on his face could be heard.

Christine's was hesitant. "What do you mean, force?"

"The strength of the blockade and the attitude of the current Ministry and population suggests that some very strong…persuasion, will be needed."

"I would say," said Henry, now rather forcefully, "that I do not believe it is our place or anyone's to force the hand of the entire population, even if I do not agree with the current political climate. I'm also going to ask that you leave my house so that I may have dinner with my family and I would kindly ask you to not come around asking us to support that…that man any longer."

"It's a change this world needs Henry! Why should we let ourselves be pushed off our little corner of the earth by a species we could easily dominate! They are nothing compared to us."

"They are people just the same as us and there are better and non violent ways to make for space for ourselves on this planet that don't involve killing someone else to get it!"

"Well I won't wait around waiting to be killed by someone I could walk all over. Sides are being chosen Henry, our families were once friendly, and I entreat you now, don't be on the losing one."

"I can pick sides for myself thank you. Now I'll not ask you again to leave."

"Very well. Good day."

A few seconds later they heard the door slam and muttered conversation between the Potters before the room became silent once more. Lily looked up at James, her eyes wide with fright and in a protective response he held her closer. As she tucked her head under his chin he breathed in the scent of her on her hair and held her like he was never going to let go.

* * *

Meanwhile back at the castle Sirius read a letter from James detailing his parent's visit. Sirius had opted to stay at school during break for multiple reasons. The first was that there was a full moon close to Christmas this year and Remus didn't want to go home and upset his family during the holidays so Sirius promised he would stay with him. The second was that his family had been pulling stunts like this lately and he couldn't stand to be at home as his confrontations with his father got worse and worse. He could barely stand to be at home at all any more and usually wasn't except for the month or so during the summer he wasn't at the Potters'. The third and most unusual reason was that Peter had opted to stay. His name was on the list to stay even before Remus' and this term Peter had been more closemouthed about his home life than ever. If the five of them got together outside of school it was at James' and Lily's trouble with her sister had been mentioned and was fairly well known though she only truly broke down in front of James. Sirius shared his own personal hell stories of home with his friends, and even Remus often confided how it seemed easier for him to stay at school since his family had been so broken and forlorn ever since he was turned at age 6 and now that he was out of the house for most of it his parent's relationship seemed on the mend it seemed easier to stay away. Peter himself had only his mum for family. The Pettigrew line had been dying out for a few generations and his father had been the only son of the last Pettigrew and his family had inherited quite a bit of wealth. Of course his father had dealt in some dark material dealings and had somehow managed to squander a good portion of it and in doing so met an untimely demise when Peter was still a baby. His mother had raised him and they still had a large fortune that his mother almost refused to touch laying around. Because he was very close to his mother, the others often heard about her, and although she was a bit older she was still in great health and had always been very blunt bordering on crass. Sirius had never failed to be amused by her. However none of them had heard anything from Peter about his mum and although he usually wrote her often he didn't seem to receive much mail from her these days. So Sirius had also agreed to stay at Hogwarts to try and understand why Peter had been acting so closemouthed lately. So far he was having little success.

Later that evening, in the privacy of their empty dormitory, Sirius told the others of James' news. That night, Peter dreamed.

Peter was at home. It was summer and he was outside. As he walked around the side of his house he saw two men approach it. From his intuition as a Marauder he hid in the bushes so the he could see and hear them on the front porch, but not be seen himself. As he studied the men he recognized the younger one as Lucius Malfoy. The other was taller and had black wavy hair that went just past his ears and a dark five o'clock shadow covered his face and a large red scar on the side of his left cheek which Peter could see. All in all he looked very menacing and uncut next to the polished Lucius. They had rung the door bell and Peter heard rather than saw his mother open the door.

"Good afternoon Wilma," said Lucius in his charming voice. "May we come in?"

"Oh no. Absolutely not. You filth are going to stay out on this porch where you belong. When are you going to understand that no is no."

She made to shut the door in his face when the dark haired man leaned his head over her short body and physically held it open. "Now now Wilma really, be reasonable."

"If you think being reasonable is handing over my late husbands tinted fortune to some damned cult then you've got another thing coming."

"Come now Wilma, you said it yourself, it's just money," purred Lucius.

"Money you'll have to pry from my cold dead fingers you little snot!"

"Now Wilma, it's unwise to go making such statements," the dark haired man said as his voice changed and became threatening. "I'm likely to take them seriously. Besides, what would your…son, think of such a statement hmmm?"

Peter froze thinking that they knew he was listening. "You keep your filthy hands off Peter you hear! No go and get off my porch and tell your Master he isn't getting a dime from me." And she slammed the door in their face.

"Damned woman," said Lucius.

The dark haired man laughed. "Don't worry, she won't be around much longer if she doesn't cooperate. And then we'll be dealing with her son."

Lucius smiled. "The boy's a pushover."

The other man smiled dangerously. "Is he then? Interesting."

Peter awoke in a cold sweat. He hadn't been surprised by the news from James. His mother had been repeatedly bothered by members of some sort of group. When she had repeatedly told them she had no influence or power in the Ministry they had mentioned that they wanted financial backing to which she had laughed and spit in their face. They had made more than a few threats on her life if she didn't support them but the only thing that seemed to terrify her was a threat to her son. He was terrified that if they did ever contact or find him that he would have no choice but to give them the money because he couldn't bare to lose his mother, his only family. He had hoped to distance himself from her to make him seem like less of a target and was trying to stay in places he could avoid being cornered alone. However, he knew that once he left school he would be a major target. He was terrified. He tried to reason that he was in no real danger, that as long as he gave them the money they wanted, he and his mother would be safe. If they didn't kill her first. However, with James and Sirius sure to stand up against this group, and the rest of his friends sure to follow, would they be on opposite sides? Was the choice looming outside the castle gates friends or family? And if it was, what would he choose? No doubt Sirius and Remus would choose friends. They already had. James and Lily's choice would depend on whether they considered themselves friends or family to each other for that choice was also clear. But for Peter? He had always stood by James, Sirius, and Remus though often it was because of their encouragement rather than his own conviction. He did know that he could never willingly hurt Lily, could he? He didn't think so, but then again, he never thought he would have to make that choice. The choice between Lily and his friends, and his own mother. 15 years before the death of his friends, he never realized that the choice would not be between them and his mother, it would be a choice between him, or them.

**A/N: So if you review I'll reply to you and answer any questions or comments you have and I'll give you a preview of what's to come in the next chapter or about a specific character or event if you ask me! Also give me comments on my two OCs Larry and Peter's mum Wilma. If you ask I'll tell you who her character is based on. It's quite funny really.  
**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Ok, here's a new chapter for you guys, sorry it took me a while, but I did tell you I'd be much busier once I got back to school. Be glad your seeing this before the middle of the month. **

* * *

James sprinted through the halls, not bothering to look for any students or professors that may have been patrolling despite the fact that it was considerably later than curfew and he didn't have his invisibility cloak on him. He ran as if his life depended on it. His trainers slid as he turned corners at a breakneck pace and as he neared the portrait of the Fat Lady, he shouted the password from clear down the hall just so he wouldn't have to stop running as she opened. He leaped through the opening in fine style and saw her climbing the last few steps up towards her room.

"Lily!" He shouted at her, barely registering the fact that it was two in the morning and the common room was empty precisely because nearly everyone in the tower was asleep.

She spun around, startled, and seeing his haste raced back down the stairs even as she responded. "James. Are you ok, what's wrong? What happened?"

He came to a stop at the foot of the stairs while she stayed a step above him so that they're eyes were, for once, on the same level. He was out of panting and breathing heavily, though his mad dash throughout the castle was not the cause.

"I did it." And with those words a huge smile broke out on his face, one of the largest Lily had ever seen him with.

First she stared at him blankly, not understanding what he was saying and simply trying to process the fact that there was no danger as she had initially thought.

James could tell she was shocked and elaborated. "I made the change. I did it, Lily." He watched as a huge smile broke out over her face and her eyes lit up and became such a clear green that he couldn't look away even if he tried.

Without even saying anything Lily jumped at him, flinging her arms around his neck as he lifted her and spun her around a few times before setting her on the floor. His eyes met hers and James realized that this was the happiest he had ever been and he could think of no one else he'd rather share this moment with. Her eyes showed how proud she was of him and her grin mirrored his own happiness. He was drowning in his success and in the feel of her in his arms and right in that moment he wanted nothing more than to kiss her and become as close to her as he possibly could. As it was, her scent was driving him mad and he gave in and buried his face in the crook of her neck, drinking it in and laughing he was so happy. After a minute he pulled away and they broke apart and Lily finally spoke.

"Show me."

James knew in that moment he could never deny her anything, let alone something he was dying to share with her, so without a word he took her hand and led her from the common room.

* * *

As the slinked through the corridors, James wondered about the safest place to show Lily his secret. He knew Sirius and Peter were still in the Room of Requirement practicing, and it was far too cold to go outside in the foot of snow that still covered the grounds without a cloak on. As they moved along the seventh floor corridor he thought about ducking into an empty classroom, and realized the closest one was the old Arithmancy room on the floor below that no one used anymore. Quickly they made their way down the staircase at the end of the hall, jumping off just before it began to move, and slipped inside.

James dropped her hand once the door was closed and moved towards the front of the room, where there was a large open area in front of the board. He set his wand down on the table and took a deep breath before looking at Lily.

"Ready?"

Lily nodded, realizing as she watched him close his eyes and take a breath deeply that she didn't even know what he had turned into. He had told her about it earlier in the year, but had said he wouldn't tell her what he turned into, since he didn't want to jinx it. She had laughingly accepted his answer and not pressed him, but she realized now that she was holding her breath and her heart was beating quickly. And then, all of a sudden, so quick that if she had blinked she'd have missed it, James was no longer there. Instead there was a large stag.

Even in the dim light she could see that its fur was a dark reddish brown and it's eyes were striking and brightly colored. At first, it held it's head erect, its pose majestic and the antlers, though not extremely large, were intimidating. Lily stood there in shock and after a second the stag dropped it's head, looking at the floor. The gesture reminded Lily so much of James when he found himself in an awkward situation, glancing at the floor and running his hand through his hair that she chuckled. The stag looked back at her and took a tentative step forward. When Lily didn't move, still smiling, it came closer and as it did Lily realized that it wasn't quite as big or as intimidating as it initially seemed. As it stopped only two feet in front of her she realized that the stag's head was about as high as her chin, and that only the foot or so of antlers made it seem so much taller.

Lily watched her hand as she slowly raised it before laying it on the stag's neck, and then gently let her hand run across the fur. She was surprised it was so soft and turned to look into its eyes, ready to comment about it to James when she was stopped speechless. The reason that the eyes had looked so bright she realized, is because they were. Rather than having dark brown, nearly black eyes, as one would expect, Lily was stunned to see James' eyes staring back at her. It wasn't just the color of the eyes – the light hazel – that she recognized, but also the way in which they looked at her. After a minute she found her voice.

"James?" She saw the eyes spark at the recognition and she smiled even further. "It is you, isn't it. This is amazing."

After a few more minutes the stag stepped back, and in the blink of an eye, James was standing before her again.

Lily was pulled out of the daze she had been in and she immediately hugged him again. "Oh Merlin, I can't believe you did it. I know you've been trying for years, but I just couldn't believe it if I hadn't actually seen it with my own eyes."

James released her and laughed. "I know. I could barely believe it myself until I saw Sirius and Peter and they looked taller and they both had their mouths hanging open. It took me a few minutes to get my thoughts under control enough to change back I was so excited. In fact, I don't think any of us ever really thought we would do it. I still can't believe I did." He laughed again, full of the giddiness brought on by the success he never expected to achieve so quickly. "Now that I've done it, and Sirius knows it can be done, he's bound and determined to make the change too."

Lily laughed with him this time, and then a silence fell between them. They were both grinning like fools and Lily couldn't help the next words out of her mouth. "We should do something to celebrate!"

"Like what, Ms. Evans?"

Lily felt reckless and unstoppable, even if she wasn't riding high on her own success and felt ready for anything. She thought of an idea and knew it was possible. After all, she'd snuck out their once with them before. "Let's go to Hogsmeade!"

James laughed again, this time at her daring and her eagerness. She had never looked to break the rules like the boys did, but had never said no to an adventure when it was suggested. "Lily it's three in the morning, and tomorrow is a Hosgmeade day anyway remember? Well, technically I guess it's this morning…"

Lily made a face at his teasing and lightly hit him in the arm. "Then I insist on taking you out for a celebratory dinner tomorrow. I suppose I could take you out for celebratory drinks, but since we're not sneaking out, and that is Sirius' thing, not mine, I suppose dinner will have to do."

James smiled and said, "That sounds wonderful." Before they headed back up to the common room and to bed.

* * *

The following night, the hour of three in the morning found James Potter in his bed, on his back, awake. He had gone to sleep about two hours earlier, but had woken up for seemingly no reason at all, and now seemed unable to fall back asleep.

That day there had indeed been a Hogsmeade trip and he and Lily had gone to dinner at a small restaurant that was on the other side of Hogsmeade. He had never really been there, but Lily had known about if from someone or another and had said she was feeling adventurous and since she was the one taking him out to dinner, he should go along with it.

He was glad that they had gone there instead of the Three Broomsticks, since it had occurred to him sometime around the middle of the afternoon when he and Sirius were in Zonko's and Lily was running around with her dorm mates, that some people could get the wrong idea. I mean sure, they were best friends and shouldn't two best friends be able to grab dinner together without it being some kind of date? After all, it could just a coincidence that they were going to dinner just the two of them the day before Valentine's Day when most couples were celebrating the day in Hogsmeade. But he knew he and Lily were closer than most people understood and lots of people thought they were dating anyway. He wondered if Lily understood how their dinner could be taken by other people. Especially people that didn't really know them and didn't know she had a boyfriend and that James was just her best friend.

But then again, they'd done stuff like this before, always acted this close before, and he had never thought about it this much, it had never woken him up in the middle of the night. Why now? Why was he all of a sudden aware of this strong pull towards her. It was one he suspected he had always felt, but only just recently become so acutely aware of. Why did he feel like everyone was watching now, judging their relationship. Why couldn't he just accept they were just the best of friends as they had always been? Why had things changed?

As he stared up at the hangings above his bed he wondered these things and he remembered when he went to pick up Lily after break and had met Will. He had thought he wasn't good enough for Lily, and had even admitted to himself that he wanted to relationship to fail. But it wasn't because he loved her was it? He knew that was what Remus thought. But no. He loved Lily, there was no denying it. But not like that, he told himself. She was the best friend he'd ever had. And not like he and Sirius were friends becase he had never really had anybody who understood him the way Lily did. And that's what this was. That was why he didn't think Will was good enough, why no one was good enough. Just because he cared about Lily and loved her, didn't mean he was romantically attracted to her. He kept repeating his conclusion over and over in his head as he fell back to sleep, hoping that if he kept thinking it, he wouldn't think about how badly he had wanted to kiss her last night.

* * *

It was the second to last day of March and Lily and Remus were at breakfast. She knew James, Sirius, and Peter would be down but only with about 5 or 10 minutes to spare since they were up late last night working on getting Peter to make the change. Sirius had found a new determination to succeed since James had done it, and had made the change the first time about two weeks after James did. James had confided to Lily that Sirius was the closest to Remus out of them all and that he wished he had made the change first, since he has always tried to be there for him so much. Lily of course had understood and was glad that he had made the change. She had also found out what his animagus form was.

"Morning Lily love, Moony," said Sirius as he sat down across from them. Peter also sat down next to Sirius, and James sat on Lily's right. Lily rolled her eyes. She understood the nicknames, and they had begun using them as they each transformed, though they had only started using 'Moony' since James had transformed and become 'Prongs'. Sirius hadn't gotten to use the name 'Padfoot' until he changed and Lily couldn't believe the Marauders could be so superstitious. Though, once they had started with these new nicknames they hardly seemed to call each other anything else. Lily was just wondering if her Charms essay was due tomorrow or Friday when James spoke up.

"Wormtail, could you pass the butter?"

Both Remus and Lily looked up to see who he was addressing and found him staring at Peter, waiting for the butter, even though he was right across from him and the butter was within easy reach.

Peter, Lily noted, looked as happy as a kid at Christmas to finally be a part of the group and gleefully passed James the butter that was about six inches from his hand to begin with.

"Sure thing, Prongs."

At this point, Lily noticed other people at the table giving them weird looks, so she dramatically rolled her eyes and sighed to get people's attention. "You boys and you stupid nicknames."

At this people seemed to go back to their breakfasts and Sirius broke out in a huge grin.

"Why Lily love, I had no idea you were so jealous. Would you like a new nickname too? Let's see…hmmm…any suggestions guys?"

"Well, there is Flower," suggested Remus.

"Too obvious," waved Sirius. There was silence as each of the boys seriously considered a nickname.

"What about Spitfire?" asked Peter. The boys all had a laugh at this, and Lily just rolled her eyes.

"Well you can be a little spitfire when you get going with that temper of yours," admitted James. "Plus you are pretty short."

Lily just huffed in mock annoyance at their comments, knowing that she wouldn't get anywhere with an actual response.

"We could call you Tiger Lily," suggested James, which earned him another look from Lily. And as the five teenagers got up from their breakfast, the teasing continued on all the way to Transfiguration.

* * *

Two nights later found Lily wide awake on a couch in front of the common room fire, waiting. Tonight was the first full moon since Sirius' had mastered the change and with Peter managing in only a few days earlier, all three of them were with Remus tonight for the first time. And Lily was terrified. It was currently four in the morning. She hadn't been able to sleep, and she didn't really expect to until the boys came back in through the portrait hole hopefully around dawn, which ought to be in two hours or so, she though, looking at the clock. Thankfully the nights were getting shorter as they moved through spring. Lily didn't want to them to be out any longer than they had to. And she wasn't the only one.

Two days ago, when she and Remus found out at breakfast the Peter had also managed the change, Remus had spent the rest of the day withdrawn. She had found him in the library that afternoon while Sirius and James had Quidditch practice for the House Cup against Hufflepuff in two weeks.

As she had sat across from him he had looked up at her attempted a smile in the way of a greeting, but didn't say anything. Lily quickly made sure their conversation wouldn't be overheard, even if they were there was no one nearby them currently. "Are you worried?"

Remus breathed it quietly. "Yes." After a pause in which she didn't say anything he continued. "It's like…I don't know. I don't want to admit it to them, but a part of me hoped they never accomplished it. Because then they would never be put in that danger. But a part of me in glad they did, because now I won't be alone. And then on the other hand I'm still not sure that I do want them there because I'm a monster when I'm like that – it's not me and I can't control it or anything I do, and I know they won't run away from me, but what if I hurt them, and then…" he trailed off, realizing that he had been talking faster and faster and been waving his hands about. "I just don't know how to feel about it, but I've accepted that I can't stop them, and I'm not sure that I want to."

Lily nodded. Remus was strong, but no one should have to be strong enough to have to endure this alone for every month of their life. He had admitted to her once that he couldn't remember his life before he had been bitten. He had been doing this for 10 years. He shouldn't have to be alone anymore. And she knew Sirius and James would never allow him to push them away like that. "I'm worried too. What they're doing is illegal for a reason, it's highly dangerous and that danger has nothing the do with you. Add onto that the danger that you present in your werewolf form Remus, not to turn them into werewolves as well, but just the fact that they will probably have to fight you, and there are many reasons to be worried."

Remus nodded thoughtful before saying something that surprised her. "I'm glad you don't sugar coat things when you talk to me Lily." He smiled. "They're always trying to assure me that it's not going to be as bad as I think it is, but I'm glad that you and I, at least, can admit that fact, and worry together, rather than worrying alone."

Now she smiled. "Well let's hope it goes better than either of us anticipates, and then maybe next month, we won't be worrying as much."

"I hope so," he said, before she got up and left him to try and get ahead on his homework before the end of the week.

Lily came out of her thoughts and turned to look at the clock above the fireplace. It was only a quarter of five. She curled up into her comforter which she had brought downstairs and turned towards the fire, which she had purposefully kept going all night. She hoped Remus would feel better about it after this time, and that maybe over time it would become easier for him to let them be there for him this way. She had talked to James earlier today, though now in the middle of the night, the conversation seemed ages ago. They had gotten out of Care of Magical Creature early after the Hippogriff they were working with had sliced open a large gash down Professor Grubblyplank's arm and through a vein near the elbow. Three students in the class had fainted from the sight of so much blood, and although Madam Pomfrey had been called and the gash was mended quickly, the Professor had lost enough blood to be bedridden for the next two days with the blood replenishing potions took effect.

Since the students had been released an hour early and lunch wasn't due to start for another half and hour, Lily had asked James to talk. She was worried about this evening and was hoping that he would be able to ease her feelings. They wandered around the lake while the rest of the Marauders went to entertain themselves before lunch. After they were a good distance away from anyone else Lily began to speak. "James, I'm really worried about tonight."

James sighed. "I know Lily, but I need to do this for him. I know you think it's dangerous, and frankly –"

"I know James," she cut off quickly. "I'm not asking you to not go. It's not who you are. I'm just worried about you guys. I just," she hesitated, not really sure what she was looking for from him. After arguing with herself for a minute she stopped walking and turned to him. "I just want you to tell me that it's going to be ok." Her voice was breaking and she didn't know why. A small part of her blammed it on hormones but she knew she was more stressed about this than she thought was rational.

James grabbed her up in a hug. "Oh Lily. It'll be ok. I mean I can't promise we'll all come out of it fine, because we'll probably be bruised and beat up a bit and since this in the first time I'm not sure what to expect. But after this it will be better, and in the long run, I can say yes, we'll be ok." He was silent for a minute as he held her and she felt warm, traitorous tears running down her cheeks. He pulled away, still holding her shoulders and looked at her smiling.

"For a minute I thought you were going to ask me not to go."

She shook her head and looked up at him seriously, wiping away her tears. "I could never do that James you know that. You've worked hard for years in order to do this, why would I try and stop you now." If she had known what he was thinking then she might have understood the look that crossed his face. They began walking again, but the silence stretched on for a few minutes.

"Just be careful James."

He looked at her fondly and then reaching his left arm around her shoulders he pulled her to his side and put a kiss to her hair, a movement that he allowed himself on few occasions. "Of course, Lily."

Lily figured she must have finally dozed off while she was thinking, as the next thing she knew she was being woken by the sound of the portrait hole opening. A quick glance at the clock told her it was a quarter past six and she sprung off the couch as soon as she saw three bone tired figures climbing into the common room.

"Oh your alright!" she cried as she gave Peter, and then Sirius a hug as she reached them. Sirius wince and she realized that their bruises would be fresh. She turned to James as he finished taking off the invisibility cloack and wasn't sure if she'd be hurting him by hugging him, but before she could think about it further she was already in his arms and he even lifted her slightly off the ground, as he often did. She whispered in his ear just before he set her back down, "I'm glad your ok." He released her and turned around to see Peter and Sirius already climbing the stairs, intent on bed. Although she had initially been wide awake seeing them come in, she realized that she too had been up all night and was rapidly becoming tired as her worries disappeared.

"Is he ok?" she asked James.

"I think he's better than normal, but it's sort of hard to tell since he wasn't up for much talking when we left, but he did smile before he fell asleep down there. We'll talk to him more after he's recovered I'm sure." James himself also looked exhausted and Lily was sure it was both physical and emotioal exhaustion.

"Go on up to bed. We can talk about it tomorrow if you want, but as it is, we're all only looking about about an hour and a half of sleep."

Lily grabbed her comforter off the couch, and with that they both climbed their respective staircases and fell into bed.

* * *

**Ok let me know what you guys think of this chapter. I like this part in the story, though it doesn't flow quite as well as some parts so I'm not sure what to think of this chapter. And as always leave a review and if you ask a question or about something that's coming up I will let you know in a reply!**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: First off, thanks to all the people who reviewed the last chapter! I had a record number of reviews - at 8! (Is it sad that my record number of reviews for a chapter is only 8? My roommate seems to think so.) And second, I know this chapter is a bit shorter, but that's the way it was planned out and although I'm not super happy with it I really wanted to get something up soon because really I just needed to write this chapter in order to get onto more interesting stuff - and I figured y'all wouldn't exactly be complaining about the update.**

"Sirius Black I swear to Merlin if you don't cut that out right now I'll show you _exactly_ what I can do with a well placed banishing hex!"

Sirius gulped audibly and James shot him a sympathetic look as Lily threatened him without even looking up from her notes. James knew she was at the end of her patience with the game the two were playing while they pretended to study. Usually Lily didn't get like this, he knew, but what with the OWL coming up in just over two weeks it was understandable that she was so stressed. Nearly the entire library was covered with other fifth year students trying to study for OWLS. He and Sirius weren't taking their studying quite seriously enough he knew, but they would have to soon, if only to keep from ticking Lily off when she was so stressed.

"Oy, James, come here," Remus called. James looked up and saw Remus waving him over. He, Sirius, and Lily had been sharing their table at the back corner of the library, and in between two of the shelves, well guarded from the librarians view, Remus was trying to tutor Peter in some last minute Defense, Charms, Potions, and well pretty much all of his classes. They had all been helping him throughout the year, and James thought he'd been showing good improvement, but now that OWLS were approaching, they had reduced Peter to a bundle of nerves, and it seemed everything he'd learned in the last two years had just gone missing.

"See if you can help Peter with this mineral to plant transfiguration would you? I want to go work with Lily on Arithmancy."

James nodded. "Sure." He knew part of it was that out of the five of them, he was the best at Transfiguration, but he also knew that Remus must be getting frustrated with Peter and his own inability to be getting work done while he was helping him. "Alright so remember, mineral to plant is all in the same class, so all the incantations will have the same root, but just different prefixes and suffixes." He went on to make a chart for Peter with said prefixes and suffixes, and what they meant for different kinds of plants, minerals, and their effects.

Peter listened to James, he really did, but it seemed like as soon as he, or Remus or Lily said something it seemed to fly right out of his head. He knew his nerves were making it worse, but he didn't know how to calm them – and Sirius' remarks never did help. Out of the four of his friends Sirius was the least patient with him, and while Remus was probably the best teacher, Lily was the most patient. She just had this easy way about her, and more than the others, she knew how to install confidence in him enough that he felt like he _could _do the material. But he knew they were all getting frustrated with him now. They had to be. He felt really bad about asking for their help all the time in his classes, and most of the time it wasn't so bad. Peter knew he wasn't unintelligent, he was actually the most observant one of the group he knew, and was often the reason they didn't get caught pulling pranks. His problem was that often it took him multiple times of seeing the material, for him to really understand it, and once in class didn't always get him to the point of understanding that everyone else always seemed to achieve so quickly. Peter often had to go over the material 3 or even 4 times before he felt he really understood something the way he should. It was this that caused him to be bad at decision making too, but he usually always made up for it by reserving his judgment until he had enough evidence to be sure he was right.

After another half hour with James reviewing fourth year transfiguration for the 2nd time that week, James convinced everyone to take a break and head down to the kitchens before going back up to the common room since it was curfew in almost an hour. Peter noticed the reserved way Remus asked if he thought he still needed work on 4th year Transfiguration, and Peter assured him that he finally understood it now and he was fine, and kept himself from asking for help in Potions, since he didn't want to burden the others with his problems yet again. Peter fell to the back of the group, observing, as he often did, the way James leaned in close to Lily whispering a joke in her ear to try and loosen her up, and the way Sirius kept trying to transfigure a tail on the back of Remus' pants without him knowing, even though Peter knew he'd never succeed and realized that he always hated being a burden.

Merlin he looks handsome in those robes. Lily ideally wondered where that though could have come from and quickly adverted her attention on not being crushed by Sirius as he hugged her.

"We won! We won! We won!" he chanted over and over.

"Padfoot put her down before she can't breathe," Remus admonished.

"No use, since here comes James and –" Peter was cut off as James reached them and swept Lily up in a hug, and spun her around. "Told you so," he said to Remus.

After he put Lily down he turned to Sirius and replied cheekily, "Of course we won, did you expect anything else?"

Lily laughed and tried to ignore the funny feeling he had in her gut after James had just hugged her – it certainly had never happened before, "I hope not, I had 5 Galleons riding on the game with Madeline my Ravenclaw friend in Arithmancy. She was convinced that their seeker had this game but I knew you'd pull through Sirius – it's a wonder you didn't make the team last year when you tried out."

Sirius beamed at her, and admitted that he did have a good game, but that it was a lucky break that snitch had broken right into the path of the bludger he had aimed a Ravenclaw chaser and he broken Reese's arm – the Ravenclaw seeker, almost guaranteeing Gryffindor the game.

Lily, Remus, and Peter left the two boys to shower and change and headed up to the party that was surely already started in the common room.

The party, as was to be expected, was awesome. Sirius and James had shown up even later than the rest of the Quidditch team, who had sworn they were right behind them. Remus, Lily, and Peter knew where they had gone though, and sure enough a half hour or so later the duo showed up with a generous supply of butterbeer and sweets from Honeydukes. Lily heard some of the younger years wondering how they had managed it, but the older students knew by now to not even ask.

It was getting pretty late and most of the first and second years had wandered up to bed, but the party was still going full swing. Lily was over grabbing another butterbeer and chatting with Aly before she and David, who she was now dating much to Lily's delight, called her over. Lily stayed by the refreshment table (a mysterious punch that Lily would bet had Firewhiskey in it had also made an appearance on the table) and observed the party going on around her. She noticed the Marauders across the common room and realized that although they and other people called them that, she didn't really think of them that way. They were her friends, and to her much more individual than just that. But they were also something….more she realized. While she had friends at Hogwarts, such as Aly, or her other dorm mates, or her friends in other houses, those four were something else. They were her _closest _friends. She shook her head and realized that that didn't really sum it up either. As she watched Peter sit on the couch and talk to a fourth year girl he had a crush on, and she watched James and Remus stand near the fire laughing at one of Sirius' animated tales, she realized she felt closer to those four boys, and especially James in particular, than she felt towards her own family these days, and especially her sister.

While she still undoubtedly loved her parents, they couldn't follow her into this world – her world and she saw them only briefly a few times a year. She spoke with them regularly, but didn't share things with them the way she shared them with James, or even the other boys. With a smile and another sip of her butterbeer she realized that those four boys were more like her family than just her friends – especially James, she thought as he caught her eye and beckoned her over. She thought she felt an echo of the light feeling in her stomach she had felt earlier on the pitch before she smiled and shook her head at herself. She'd probably just had too much butterbeer was all.

Lily skipped – yes she actually skipped across the grounds. "We're free!" She yelled as she ran towards the lake. The four Marauders followed and sat down with her under a tree by the lake. Peter laid spread eagle on the ground as if from exhaustion, Sirius sat next to him and promptly poked him in the stomach a few times. Remus sat on the other side of Sirius, Lily laid back on the grass next to him. James lay so that his head was on her stomach. The five of them wasted a good half hour lazing around this way now that they were done with exams. They tried to provoke the giant squid by throwing rocks into the lake – until Sirius hit Remus on the back of the head from about two feet pretty hard. Remus then chased him down the shore of the lake trying to catch him and throw him in. Peter went after them just to see Remus win and Sirius end of drenched since they knew Remus was the faster of the two. While they were gone James took the opportunity to ask Lily something he hadn't wanted to bring up when they were talking about their summer plans earlier.

"So are you going to tell Will when you get home?"

"I don't know if I'll spring it on him as soon as I get home. I mean I haven't seen him in months and I miss him and I don't know that I should drop something so big on him so quickly."

James nodded and didn't say anything. He knew there was wisdom in her words but he was afraid that she was going to try and find a way out of not telling him. "But you will tell him?"

Lily sighed. "Yes. I have to. I mean I just don't see how we can continue to have a meaningful relationship if he doesn't know such a big part about me."

James smiled. Maybe Lily was finally seeing some sense on the issue.

"I mean, eventually it's going to have to come out. What am I going to tell him when I get out of school, when I can do magic, when I start working. It's not like I'm never going to do magic again just to hide it from him, or hide my entire work life from him. Hiding most of my school like is hard enough as it is. Some honesty would be refreshing at this point I think."

Because Lily was looking out across part of the lake to Sirius, Remus, and Peter she didn't notice the unmistakable scowl that crossed James' face when she spoke of a future with Will, but it was there. He tried to change the subject.

"So are you going to come visit me this summer?"

She looked back at him. "I'm not sure yet, my parents want to go on vacation with me and Petunia for a week around the end of the month since Petunia just finished school, and I really should spend some time with my parents. Let's talk about it later this summer alright? I might come for the last week or two of summer like I did last year."

James just nodded, knowing that they'd work it out later.

"But James." He turned to look at her then. "I'm really going to miss you," she said smiling.

"And I'm going to miss you too, Lils. I always do."

**REVIEW!**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Ok, so I know that it has been entirely too long since I updated (though considering my past track record just under 3 months is pretty good actually). Anyways, this chapter was actually pretty hard to write, so please leave a review and let me know what you think of it. **

**Also, I can't figure out how to strike stuff through, does anyway know how? I went into the html code and put it in, and it would show up in the doc editor, but then when I hit save it disappeared again. Help me out if you know how, but for now if it's bold it's struck through. Thanks.  
**

Lily was already awake when her owl Akira flew in the window with the dawn that morning with a letter. She was glad that owls were nocturnal by nature and that the ones that visited her regularly were smart enough to only fly through her neighborhood at night so that her muggle neighbors weren't suspicious. After making sure Akira had enough water in her cage, Lily leaned against her windowsill and let the warm breeze flow across her face as she opened the letter.

_Lils,_

_Good luck today. I think you're doing the right thing. And remember, if it goes badly and you need to get out of there you can be here by dinner._

_James_

Lily folded the parchment and put it in her pocket. She was already up and dressed since she hadn't been able to get much sleep. As she watched the sun come up over Southampton on a morning in mid July she thought about the upcoming day. It wasn't anyone's birthday, and it wasn't a holiday. In fact it wasn't even the weekend – just a Tuesday. But today was the day she was going to tell Will she was a witch.

She had told her Dad about her plans. And she had expected him to tell her mum. She and her mum were doing better, but she really didn't want to deal with her mum questioning her about whether she thought this was the right decision or not. She had talked with James about how to tell him, and she had finally decided she would floo with him to Diagon Alley, since it was really the only proof she could give him. She couldn't perform magic in Southampton since she was underage, and she couldn't think of another way to prove to him magic was real unless he saw it. James was actually the one who suggested the trip and while Lily agreed she was still extremely nervous. She was sure he would believe her, but she wasn't sure if he would accept her. Nervously she patted her back pocket where the letter and her wand were – an assurance that she was always accepted somewhere.

* * *

Will and Lily walked hand and hand through the Commons. Although they'd have to drive down to the docks to leave, Lily had thought they'd have more privacy here to talk first. She didn't even know if he'd agree to go with her. After all, what sane muggle just steps in a fireplace?

"Lily, what's wrong?" Will asked again.

Lily looked up at him and smiled. "Nothing, I'll tell you when we get there."

"Well, where are we going?"

"Somewhere private where we can talk without people overhearing." Lily wished she could just sit down and cast _Muffliato_ so that she could be sure they wouldn't be overheard and was annoyed that she couldn't practice magic outside of school yet. She had been feeling that way ever since she got home this summer – as if she was more at home living in the magical world than the muggle one these days.

After just another minute or two of walking they finally found a place they could sit and talk undisturbed and Lily did just that. Sitting on the warm grass with her legs crossed and her hands in her lap she looked at Will.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong now?" he asked.

Lily started fidgeting with her hands. "Yes." He didn't say anything so she looked at him and his bright blue eyes, and then looked back down at her hands. "Will there's something you don't know about me. I'm – I'm very different." Oh gods, she could not cry as she told him this. She took at deep breath to steady herself. "I'm sorry. Part of me thinks I should have told you before. That I shouldn't have let it go on this long, but I just didn't want to – I just couldn't." Another deep breath.

"Lily, please don't do this."

She looked up at him sharply, confused. "What?"

"Please don't break up with me, I know it's been hard with you gone at school, but I thought we were having so much fun this summer. And I know it's probably about that guy – "

"Wait. What?"

Now he looked confused. "What?"

"Will, I'm not breaking up with you."

"You're not?"

"No I'm not." Another deep breath and this time she looked him in the eye and just said it. "Will, I'm a witch."

"No you're not! You're a great person and I really like you. Who –"

Lily held up her hand and cut him off again. "No Will, I'm serious. I'm a witch. As in, I can do magic."

He looked confused again and she knew it was going to take a while for him to catch on so she just went ahead and kept talking, because really, how could she do anything else?

"I found out when I was 11. It was then that I started going to my school. Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. That's where I go now. My favorite classes are Charms and Potions, I'm bloody awful at Transfiguration and I swear half the time the only reason I do so well in that class is because James is so good at it."

"Your friend James? He goes to this school too?"

Lily smiled, glad he seemed to be responding, even if he was still in shock, and at least he wasn't running and screaming. "Yes. He's my best friend and I met him at school." She took her wand out of the waistband of her shorts where it was hidden underneath her shirt. Usually she didn't take it out in public since she couldn't use it anyway, but today was different. "This is my wand. We use wands to conduct most kinds of magic. Most people need their wands to cast spells, and they're needed in some kinds of potions." She waited and looked at him to see if he was following anything she was saying at all.

"So…you can do magic." He stated. Lily realized again that this was going to take a while.

"Yes."

"Like tricks and stuff?"

"No."

"Then…."he trailed off, confused.

"Would it help if I showed you some?" she asked. He nodded. "Ok, let's head back to the car. I can't show you here, because I'm still underage and can't practice magic outside of school, so I'm going to take you somewhere you can see magic. Is that alright?"

He nodded slowly and his eyes were still wide, so Lily could tell he was still in a considerable amount of shock. It was understandable and would probably stay that way until they got to Diagon Alley. "Where are we going? Is it far?"

"Umm, not really. We're heading down to the docks."

"The docks? You can show me this at the docks?"

"Well no. We're leaving from the docks to get there. Now don't ask any more questions, I'll explain when we get there."

* * *

Lily was holding Will's hand as they approached Larry's place. As they got about 10 feet from the door she felt Will begin to drag his feet, and then stop.

"Umm, Lily. I don't know about this."

Lily sighed. She needed to get him to the alley first so that she could prove it to him. Then they could go from there. She hadn't thought about how she was going to convince him to get there though. She turned to face him and took both of his hands in hers. She realized how much bigger his hands were than hers and fondly ran her thumb over the back of his hand for a minute. When she looked up at him again his icy blue eyes had softened and he was looking at her the same way he had looked at her yesterday when he'd held her close and said good night on her porch.

"Will I know this is….hard for you. But do you trust me?"

The soft look faded some as Lily watched the muscles in his face tense and his eyes took on a guarded look. He glanced at the somewhat questionable shack, in a state of disrepair, with smoke coming out of a crooked stack in the middle of July. Yesterday he wouldn't have hesitated. Yesterday he thought he knew almost all there was to this girl. But today he wasn't sure who she was, or how he felt about it yet. And so even as he tried to convince himself that he did still trust her, he found the word stuck in his throat.

"I'm just…," he tried. "It's a lot to take in," he said, avoiding her question. "I just feel so off balance." This conversation was weird for him, but he was glad for the accepting look Lily was giving him – she knew this was going to be difficult and that was ok.

"It'll get easier," she said. She had a look in her eye that he couldn't quite place. He wasn't sure if it was hopeful, like she didn't quite believe her own words, or if maybe she was thinking nostalgically about the first time she was introduced to this world, and how hard it was for her. So he nodded, unable to say anything else, and followed her inside.

* * *

Will was convinced he was dreaming. There was no other explanation for how he could have just stepped in a fireplace and been transported to some other location. Well, according to Lily, there was another explanation, but he wasn't sure yet that he believed it all. The jury was still out.

Yet, here he was, walking down a cobblestone street holding his girlfriend's hand as she pointed out all the different shops to him. There was the pub that was the entrance, she said. And here was the bookshop where she bought most of her textbooks. Currently there was a display of books in the front window that flew about, as if their covers were wings – flapping all over the place and eluding the shop keeper. There was the new Quidditch store (this Quidditch thing was a sport apparently) that had just opened up the year before and of course James and Sirius were in love with it. He now definitely knew he didn't like this James fellow. Especially not the way Lily's eyes sparked when she talked about him – or indeed how her eyes sparked and came alive in a way he had never seen them. Clearly this was who she really was, this was where she belonged. He began to wonder as she pointed out shop after shop if he had ever really known her – if she had ever really shown herself to him.

"And you'll love this store. It's the post office! In the magical world post is sent by owls. The strangest thing really. It took me quite a while to get use to the concept and I never did fully understand why. But apparently owls are extremely intelligent." She pulled him into the store and he stared at the sheer number and sizes of all the owls in the building. This was one of the many moments where he was convinced this had to be a dream because this was the craziest thing he had ever heard. "So you just write a letter to someone, and write their name on the outside of the letter – you really don't even need their address – it's the most amazing thing. And then you attach it to their leg and they deliver it."

"So your mail gets delivered….by owls." He asked, looking at her. She looked at him and shrugged.

"Yeah. It does. Every morning during breakfast is when the post usually arrives, though not always. Especially if you have your own owl."

"Do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Have your own owl?"

She blushed, he wasn't sure why. "Yes actually. The guys – James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter – all pitched in and bought me one for my birthday last year. Her name is Akira and she's adorable."

"So is that how your parents send you mail?"

"Well no not really. Umm, sort of. Actually, it's very common that if you're sending post to the muggle world –"

"And muggle means people who can't do magic. Like me."

"Yes," she confirmed. "So if you're sending post to the muggle world then you can have your owl deliver it to a magical post office and they will put it in the muggle post. So as long as the correct address it on it, it will get delivered. That's how I send letters to my parents. And to you."

"So how do my letters get back to you?"

"Well the address I gave you is the same one my parents have. It's actually the address of a magical post office in the little village next to my school. The one we're allowed to go visit every month or so. They do that for a lot of students at my school. And then they deliver it by owl post to me."

"Huh," was all he managed before she was pulling him back down the street. By this time he wasn't sure whether he should believe this world he had been thrown into, or to think that everything he saw was a dream. Regardless, he held Lily's hands, asked questions, and walked with her throughout the alley for the rest of the afternoon.

* * *

Will and Lily were walking down a street lined with shops. He couldn't place it, but it looked vaguely familiar.

"So it must be hard, having to hide all of this from people," he said to her.

Her hair was pulled back into a messy bun due to the heat, pieces of it falling out to frame her face. He loved when she wore her hair like this. It made her eyes stand out and she looked adorable. "Oh I don't know, not really. I mean everyone else knows but you."

"Wait, what do you mean? I thought only other magical people or people who had magical people in their family knew."

"Well of course, but nearly everyone is magical – just not you."

"Wait I'm the only one who doesn't know."

"Of course." She gave him a sweet, accepting smile. As if she was saying it was ok that he was stupid – blind to this whole other world that existed right under his nose. He was still processing this when they ran into someone. "Hey James," Lily greeted. Will looked up and noticed that James and Lily were standing a bit away from him, and he noticed a red leash hanging from Lily's hand. His eyes followed it to his own wrist.

"So this is your muggle?" he heard James ask.

"Yes. Isn't he cute?" she said.

"Wait, what's going on?" Will was now extremely confused.

Lily turned to address him condescendingly, "Well you see, since my parents live in your world I have to blend in. So when I come home I have to look like I'm dating a muggle." She giggled.

James laughed. "You didn't think she was really dating you did you?"

Will felt his mouth fall open and a wave of hopelessness wash over him.

Lily giggled again. "Oh you poor thing. Of course I don't love you. I'm in love with James. This is where I actually belong. You were just for cover."

She and James both began laughing and Will sat up in bed with a start. Quickly he glanced over to see his alarm clock glowing bright red – 6:42. He took a few deep breaths, telling himself over and over that it was just a dream. And as he got up and headed to take an early shower, he wasn't sure why he didn't feel convinced.

* * *

He was a coward to do this on the phone and he knew it. "Lily, I think," he hesitated. "I think I need a break."

First silence, just the cracking that let him know she hadn't hung up on him. "This is about yesterday isn't it."

"Yeah. Well no. I mean," he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Sort of. After yesterday, I just. I feel like I don't even know you. I feel duped, and now I'm really confused and kind of overwhelmed and I feel like our whole relationship up to this point is a lie."

She wasn't saying anything so he kept talking. "I don't want to break up. You're cute and funny and sarcastic and we have a lot of fun together. It's just that I need to think about things for a bit. You knew who I was and now I feel like I don't really know you. I just need some time to think Lily, please."

It was only a few seconds of silence before she answered, but it felt longer as Will held his breath. "Ok." They both stayed on the line, unsure of what to say next. "Will you call me when you've thought about it?"

"Of course."

And then the line went dead.

* * *

James ran a hand through his hair for about the hundredth time as he reread Lily's letter. He could tell from her handwriting that she was either upset or angry – he wished it was the latter.

_James,_

_So I know I wrote the other day and told you everything went well, but apparently it didn't go as well as I thought. Will called this afternoon and said he wanted to take a break. At first I was angry and kind of shocked, I mean he acted like everything was all fine and dandy yesterday, but then I went for a walk after I got off the phone and thought about it. Now I guess I'm just upset, and maybe a little angry – but mostly at myself as it was kind of stupid to think he could accept everything so easily. He said he felt like our whole relationship up to this point was a lie, and in a way I guess it was. I guess I understand that he needs time to process what I told him and what happened yesterday, but I wish he wouldn't push me away. He told me he just needed time to think about it but what if he just can't handle who I am? What if this is too weird for him? What if he thinks I'm just a freak? I know I'm worrying too much and probably getting too upset about this, but I just can't help it. I don't know why I feel like this would be the worst possible way for us to break up, but I do. Anyways, I'll keep you posted. I know you'll offer that I could come there, but honestly I don't think it would ease my anxiety about this, as right now I'm just sitting around waiting for him to accept me. Wow, how crappy does that sound?_

_Lily_

James was trying to write a response and failing.

_Lils,_

**_Will is an idiot_**

**_I don't understand what you see in him_**

**_If Will can't see what's right in front of his face then_**

It was like every sentence he tried to write was worded badly. Either it wasn't what Lily needed to hear right now, or it wasn't very supportive, or something. He wrote things as he felt them float through his brain and then discarded them as possible letters. The problem, he realized, wasn't that he thought Will was acting like an idiot, which he was, or that maybe Lily did expect too much, but that James really didn't want it to work out. He looked down at what he had just written

_Lils,_

**_Will is an idiot_**

**_I don't understand what you see in him_**

**_If Will can't see what's right in front of his face then_**

_I'm in love with you_

He scowled at the parchment and furiously scratched the line out causing him to rip the paper before shoving his chair back from his desk and heading out to the cliffs for a walk.

The real problem, he admitted to himself as he watched the ocean from the cliffs, was the he was in love with her. He felt the wind whip through his hair and closed his eyes. As he thought back on the last three years that they had been friends he couldn't pinpoint when it was that he fell in love with her, but he did know he'd been denying it to himself lately. The real problem was not that she didn't love him. They were such good friends that he thought the potential was there. All she had to do was look at him differently, give him a chance. He knew that given time she could easily fall in love with him. The problem was that he was afraid of her falling in love with someone else first. He stayed out on the cliffs thinking about her, about what he was going to do now that he knew he was in love with her, knew how badly he wanted to just take her in his arms and kiss her. Thoughts of them together flew through his mind, memories of holding her close in the coat closet as they eavesdropped on the Blacks, the intimate moment when he told her about his transformation, the countless time she had run into his arms and he had buried his face in her hair, the way her eyes sparked when she teased him and their friends, the calm and accepting, but concerned look she gave him every day of the full moon. The problem was that he was head over heels in love with Lily Evans, and she was dating someone else.

_

* * *

Lily,_

_You're right, you're worrying too much. Will is being a jerk, but don't worry he'll come around. I'd imagine it's harder to find out about the magical world when you're 17 than when you're 11 (Not that I would know what either one feels like). Most people are so much more open minded when they are still that young, must more willing to believe in something they thought was make believe. He'll come around, but you're right that he shouldn't have pushed you away. If he does really accept you and the magical world, and that fact that you belong here, then I will be very impressed. Until I know that he does though, I'm still thinking he's being a jerk. Keep me updated, and let me know if your parents are going to let you come over the last week of break. Remus will be here and I'm assuming Sirius will be, though I haven't heard much from him lately which is rather odd. It looks like Pete won't be able to make it even though we'll be celebrating your birthday, but I'm not too surprised. Anyways, just hang in there. And remember, even if he doesn't accept you for who you really are, I always will._

_James_

* * *

Lily tugged nervously at the end of her shirt as she saw him walking towards her. He'd called today and said he missed her and he wanted to talk, so she'd agreed to meet him at the park.

"Hey," he said with a soft smile.

"Hey yourself."

"So, what have you been up to this last week or so?" He was trying to be casual and defuse the tension. She wasn't sure she wanted to let him.

"Waiting."

He nodded. He deserved that. "I'm sorry," he said. He reached for her hand and noticeable relaxed when she let him take it. Stroking the back of her hand with his thumb he stepped closer. Watching her hand, he continued. "I guess I kind of freaked out. I mean, it's still really hard to believe, but believing it was never really the problem. I just kind of freaked out initially. I mean before I thought I knew you, and then it was like there was this entire world, and this entire life you lived that I had never even known about. And I guess I kind of freaked out."

She smiled a little bit, just with one side of her mouth. "A little bit, yeah."

"Forgive me?"

The way he asked it, with that charming smile he had and those piercing blue eyes, the way he looked like she already had, and she couldn't say no.

"When I finally was able to think about it I realized that I do know you. I know that you don't like chocolate, that you love being outdoors, that you're closer to your Dad than your Mom, that you're ticklish on the backs of your knees, and that you tease people as a way of showing affection."

At this she really did forgive him and smiled as she kissed him. With her arms still around his neck he continued.

"This things you can do, well, it seems pretty cool. And just because I didn't know about it doesn't mean I didn't know you. It doesn't completely define you. It's something you have a talent for, something you're gifted at, like some people are gifted at sports, or art, or music. And I don't know, maybe it's even more than that, and yeah I probably don't know you nearly as well as I thought I did, but I realized the other day that the only way I would be able to really know you is if I accepted it. Maybe now that I know about it I can share this with you."

"I'm so glad you came around."

He smiled cheekily at her and kissed the tip of her nose. "Mmm, me too."

**A/N: Alright, review! Let me know what you think! The next chapter will also be pretty hard to write, but I'll see what I can do about getting it up before I start up classes on Tuesday. Just remember, ever review makes me more motivated to get the next chapter up since it guilts me into knowing how many people are waiting on me. **


	24. Chapter 24

**I know I said I'd get it up this weekend, but for some reason the format of the chapter wasn't working out so I had to rewrite it. I'm still not really happy with it. This chapter just don't really seem to flow well to me, but hopefully it will give you some more insight into what's going on with Sirius at this point. Please let me know what you think of it, because this certainly isn't my favorite chapter. It's also pretty short compared to what I've been getting up for the last couple of chapters because I got pretty fed up with it. **

James woke suddenly to the sound of something loudly banging on his window. He rubbed his eyes, thinking that maybe it was a dream that had woken him. He looked around his dark room but the only sound he could hear was the sound of the winds and the rain outside. Thinking maybe it was just the storm, he laid down to go back to sleep when suddenly he heard it again. This time he got out of bed to take a look out the window, and he saw what it was that was demanding his attention.

Sirius was on his broom outside the window.

James let fly a stream of curse words and then quickly unlatched the window and let Sirius inside.

"Mate, not that I'm not glad to see you, but what the bloody hell are you doing here? It's nearly 5 in the morning!"

Sirius eased himself through the window, water dripping from his clothes, and as he felt his legs begin to buckle under him as he stood on them again for the first time in hours he reached out for the windowsill to support his weight. Even as beat tired as he was he managed to smile at James.

"Sorry mate, just thought I'd drop by and see how you were."

James quickly turned the light on and barely registered as his jaw dropped. Sirius had a black eyes and the whole right side of his face was swollen, his knuckles of his right hand were bloodied and he seemed as if he was still in pain, as if moving in his own skin still hurt.

"Merlin, Sirius what happened to you?" he asked when he finally found his voice.

Sirius tried to crack a smile, though it looked more crooked than normal with his face swollen. "Well I was kind of hoping that you'd have a place to stay for me."

He paused, and when James didn't respond he continued. "I left James. I just couldn't…. I needed to get out. Please, I need somewhere to go."

James stopped looking at his body, at the bruises and met him eye to eye. What he saw there scared him because it was big and he didn't know how to handle it. It made him feel like an adult when he longed for the comforts of childhood. Finally after a minute of silence he nodded. "Of course." They both continued to stand there. "You want to go to sleep or are you hungry?" James finally asked, not sure what else to say and desperately trying to defuse the awkwardness filling the room.

Sirius smiled, knowing what he was doing. "Honestly, I don't think I could sleep a wink."

* * *

A few nights later, it happened again.

His father called him into his study. He always felt small compared to his father in here, where his father sat behind the grand oak desk. Even though he was sitting, Sirius always felt like his father towered over him in this situation, and as a result he felt himself fall back on the defensive as he wondered what it was his father wanted this time.

Sirius stood there as his father surveyed him leisurely before he spoke. "In just under a year you will be turning 17." He paused. "At that time you will be an adult." Sirius wondered if his father truly believed there was something special about your 17th birthday that all of a sudden made you responsible and mature enough to be considered an 'adult' all of a sudden. "As the eldest son of the Black family it will be your responsibility to uphold our honor and esteemed reputation." Sirius had to strongly refrain from rolling his eyes – the reputation his family currently held could be considered wealthy and powerful, but could never be considered honored or esteemed. "Your mother and I believe that your placement into Gryffindor House may still be overcome. But in order to do so you must strictly uphold the pureblood values." Sirius hoped he'd get to the point soon – he nose itched and he knew his father would find it disrespectful if he scratched it right now. "You must pledge yourself to the Dark Lord – the one who calls himself Lord Voldemort."

Sirius stared at him. He was careful not to let his face betray the shock and horror he was currently feeling.

"No."

His father's eyes narrowed and he tersely replied. "There is no other way you can uphold the honor of this family."

Sirius was so swollen with anger and resentment he felt ready to burst. "Well maybe I don't want to hold up the honor of this family! Maybe I don't even want to be a part of this family!"

It one swift motion his father stood up and pulled his wand, sending Sirius flying with force against the large back wall. Sirius cringed as he felt his shoulder slam into the wall and his neck whiplash as the back of his head cracked against the wall as well.

His father had risen from his desk and was now walking towards him. Before he knew what he was doing Sirius defiantly stood and struck his father in the jaw. Because of the angle he was forced to hit him with his left hand and the blow mostly glanced off. Sirius could have sworn he saw his father's eyes go red in that moment. He father had routinely hit him when he acted out, but never in his 16 years had he ever hit his father back.

Before he could even register what was happening Sirius felt himself go flying into the bookshelf on the far side of his father's study. He barely felt his hand flying into a bookend and cutting open his knuckles. A shower of books rained down upon him and he violently made contact with the shelf. He briefly noticed that the corner of one large book hit him in his right eye, causing it to quickly swell shut. His father as if he was down a long tunnel as he performed the Cruciatus curse and Sirius did very much notice as his body convulsed in unnatural directions. He felt like a thousand hot knives were stabbing him all over his body and he begged for it to just end, for him to just pass out. Finally it stopped, and in the haze of his consciousness he heard his father say, "You will do as you're told, or you're no son of mine," before the sound of footsteps and a door closing told him his father had left the study. And only when Sirius knew he was alone, did he let the tears fall.

Sirius woke, tears streaming down his face. It took him a few minutes to realize that he was at James' house now. That he had gotten out, and that he didn't have to go back. But ever night he had the dream again and every night he was forced to relive his finally confrontation with his father. He could have told James, or Mrs. P. They'd find some dreamless sleep potion for him he knew. But in some twisted way Sirius felt that it was important that he remember in very clear and exact detail why he left – not only the actions that had caused it, but the way he felt about it at the time. That way, it would always be fresh, that the wounds wouldn't heal with time, and he would never, ever feel like he needed to go back.

* * *

It was early afternoon on a beautiful day a week later that James finally had the courage to bring it up. They had just come in from playing a one on one game of Quidditch and were now relaxing around the kitchen table after having devoured a late lunch. It was the first day that Sirius hadn't been moping around, and had agreed to go outside and at least attempt to have some fun. James thought maybe this was a sign that it was safe topic now.

"So," James said. "Have you been officially disowned?"

Sirius sighed. "I guess so." He tried to sound nonchalant about it, but failed miserably and knew it. The pain was still so raw, the finality of it.

"You want to talk about it?" James figured this was a safe question since he half expected Sirius to say no, just as he had done for the last two weeks or so since he arrived. It came as quite the surprise then, when Sirius started telling him about the whole confrontation with his father without preamble.

"So after that he said, 'You'll do as your told or your no son of mine.'" Sirius had choked up quite a bit on the story but had so far managed to hold back tears. It seemed surreal to him to be having such a dark and depressing conversation it the bright airy kitchen of the Potter house. "I'm not sure how long I laid there just in shock and in pain crying, but when I finally stopped I thought about what this meant. I mean really thought about it. I knew my parents were fanatics and crazy, and I mean this isn't the first time I've had that kind of confrontation with my dad. But James," his voice suddenly dropped and the tears finally started to fall, "I thought that if I stayed I would die. I mean really. Either they'd force me to join this madman and he'd kill me or I'd kill myself at what I had to do, or I'm pretty sure that….if I kept refusing my dad he'd kill me." His words were all coming out in a rush now, as if he'd broken a damn on his fears and the water was rushing forwards towards freedom. "I mean I know my dad's always been crazy, a product of serious inbreeding and all that, but I…I think it's getting worse. These last few years it's been like he respects the bounds of society less and less. I mean 3 years ago he may have hit me or something but he never would have done what he did this time. And he's being less and less subtle about his threats, like he cares less and less if what he's doing is illegal. I think his sanity is seriously slipping. I use to think that if I could just get through until I was 17 then I could break away from my family, live my own life, but now. I think I'd be dead by then if I stayed."

After a long pause in which James tried to digest what he just heard he said, "I think you're right. As screwed up as it sounds I think you'd have been dead either way. But what I can't figure out is how you got out? I mean your dad is crazy. Don't you usually have to wait until they're gone to sneak out to come see me usually?"

Sirius nodded. "Yeah. Once I'm gone it's like he usually forgets about me. Especially the last few years. That's how I've been getting to spend more and more time over here and such. But after, well you know, he was really livid. It would have been another few weeks before he'd forgotten about me enough that I could get out. In the end I packed my stuff – not that I ever really unpack it – and shrunk it to fit my pocket. I kept my broom. About 3 in the morning I snuck out after I knew everyone was sleeping. I had to sneak a few blocks away from the house before I could call the Knight Bus so that the bang wouldn't wake anyone, and took it here. Frankly I'm a little surprised it worked. I kept expecting him to find me and to get an even worse beating for trying to leave. I'm sure by now the old man is so upset he's blown my name off that damned rug and decided never to see, speak, or associate with me again."

"All for the better though right?" asked James.

Sirius nodded and gave a feeble, "yeah." He knew that it really was for the better. That's why he tried to remember what made him leave in the first place. But it still upset him, knowing he was forever cut off from his family. Especially from Regulus. He hated the way his brother had turned out over the last 3 years he'd been at Hogwarts, but he still always hoped that he could be saved. But now that Sirius had left him in the wolf's lair like that it was unlikely he ever could. Sirius felt consumed by guilt, as if now he had no where to belong. But slowly enough, over the next few weeks he found his footing and got his feet under him. And by the time they arrived back at Hogwarts he had done the best he could to put his past behind him, and walk on his own two feet.

**Again, not one of my proudest chapters. Please please please let me know what you think of it since I am often overly critical of my own work. Also, stay tuned because the next chapter is when it starts getting good. If you review I really will get it up faster than I would otherwise, I promise. :)**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Hey so I got some review just after the last chapter went up, and I got quite a few more over the weekend so since I had some time this weekend I decided to work on the next chapter. I think this has to be a record for how quickly I've gotten a new chapter up, especially as this one is really long! Yay! So I'm serious, if you guys review I will post faster!**

* * *

Platform 9 ¾ was packed on the first of September, just like it was every year. Some students dragged their trunks to the luggage car while some were busy saying hurried goodbyes to parents and siblings. The platform was filled with the cries of younger siblings who wished it was their turn to go and of friends greeting each other after spending the summer apart. The clock on the wall took it all in with delight, just as it always did.

However, if you had asked the clock, it would have told you that it was looking for one set of friends in particular. And at exactly 10:47, it saw them. The clock watched as a small girl with fiery red hair in waves down her back jumped on the back of a lean young man with jet black hair as he talked to a group of 3 other boys.

"Hey Lily," said James as he looked at her over his shoulder. He had immediately moved his hands under her legs to support her once he realized what had happened. Sirius, Remus, and Peter were still laughing.

"Hey guys," she responded to the group at large. "How was the break?"

Remus was the first to respond. "Mine was ok, how about yours Lily? We heard you told Will you're a witch. How'd it go?"

Lily smiled. "It went ok in the end. He freaked out about it at first, but then he came around. I'll have to tell you more about it later. Sirius I know you spent most of the break at James' place. But what about you Peter what have you been up to? You hardly responded at all to the letters I sent you."

James and Sirius made eye contact at this. They had both experienced the same thing and were talking about it just yesterday. Something was up with Peter, and when Sirius pointed it out they realized it was probably the same things as whatever it was that had been bothering him over the Christmas holidays.

Peter smiled shyly at Lily. "My break was fine I guess. I mostly just hung out with my mum. We didn't really go anywhere. I wanted us to go on vacation or something but she didn't feel up to it. I did a lot of reading over the break though."

Lily laughed. "That sounds like something you would do."

Sirius interrupted. "Well as fun as this is guys I think we should move to the train. We should be leaving here in a few minutes."

James nodded. "That's true. Alright let's go." He turned and started to walk towards the train with Lily still on his back.

"James put me down, I can walk by myself," she said trying not to laugh.

"Nope. You got yourself up there, so you better like it."

"Besides," quipped Sirius, "your bum is higher now so we all get a better view." Lily guffawed at him and tried to kick him from her position on James' back as the other boys laughed and made their way to and empty compartment.

* * *

Two weeks after classes had started Lily couldn't sleep. It was a Sunday night and most people, not being too far behind on their homework yet, had gotten to sleep at a normal hour. But since Lily found that sleep was eluding her, she grabbed a novel from her trunk and headed down to the common room so she wouldn't disturb her roommates. She wasn't too surprised when she found Sirius still up, the only other one in the common room, still working on his Transfiguration essay that was due the next day.

"Well well well," she said, "look who finally showed back up."

He grinned as she sat at the table across from him. "Yeah well, what can I say? Sarah McDougal was much more interesting than this essay earlier this evening."

She smirked. "I was wondering where you sneaked off to earlier. James was helping me with this essay earlier. Looks like Remus was right though."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Remus guessed you were off with a girl, probably Sarah since the other girl you've been hooking up with lately – what's her name, the cute 5th year, is in Gryffindor and was here earlier."

"Christine," he replied absently as he scribbled something down on his essay. "Her name is Christine. But yeah, I was with Sarah and you know those Ravenclaws, she had already finished her essay on Thursday."

Lily laughed. "That is true. But at least you were out with a girl, James was worried you were off by yourself brooding."

Sirius didn't comment. Lily didn't both saying that Peter had pointed out that it was 'practically the same thing at this point.'

Lily let the silence drag on comfortably as Sirius continued to flip through pages in their textbook, pausing every now and then to write a sentence or two.

"Are you doing ok?"

Sirius waited until he was finished writing his sentence to answer. When he did look up at her he shrugged his shoulders. "I guess. I've been trying not to think about it. I guess I got through most of it at James' house. I've just been trying to keep busy since we've been back."

Lily nodded. She and the boys had agreed that Sirius' multiple hook ups in the two weeks they had been back was a product of him trying to keep his mind off the fact that he had been disowned a week before the came to Hogwarts. The Potters were his legal guardians until his seventeenth birthday in February.

"You know, we're actually pretty lucky you and I."

At this Sirius stopped writing and looked at Lily. He was surprised at the look she was giving him, like she wasn't quite here, but thinking of something else, something that made her sad in a resigned way. "Lily, I've just been disowned by my parents, who are probably legally insane. My father beat me and they could never accept me. My brother hates me even more now, and any path I had that would have reconciled us has been cut off forever. Forgive me if I don't feel like I'm in any way, shape, or form, lucky."

Lily smiled a sad smile, still not really there before she seemed to come back to the present and looked at him. "Yeah, but no matter how much our families can't accept us, and no matter how much abuse we take, physical or emotional, no matter how much we feel like we can't measure up, and no matter how much our siblings hate us when all we want is for things to be the way they use to be, at least we have our friends. At least we have each other, and at least we have James, and Remus, and Peter. And at least we know we always have somewhere to go, no matter how bad things get, someplace we'll be accepted and loved and cared for. And in that way Sirius, we are kind of lucky. It's not that I think you shouldn't brood, or feel upset, I just wanted you to remember that, and to let us help you."

Sirius looked at her and was too shocked by her insight to do anything but nod.

She smiled sweetly, still a little sad for the both of them. "I'm actually feeling much more tired now, so I'll see you tomorrow." And it wasn't until after she had climbed the staircase that Sirius realized that maybe Lily could understand what it was like.

* * *

Lily knew she was dreaming. Although her peripheral vision was clear anytime she tried to focus on something the details became hazy and she was left with a vague outline of what she was looking at. Time seemed to be skewed, almost as if she was in shock. But even though she knew she was dreaming she couldn't wake up. And oh how she wanted to wake up.

She was in the street looking at her house, but her house was wreaked. Some of the columns holding up the porch had collapsed causing the front part of the roof to sag. There were large holes in the walls and nearly all the windows were broken. The back left corner, where she knew the kitchen was, looked like it had burned away most of that part of the house. She was vaguely aware that all the other houses on this street were in a similar state. There were cars everywhere, sirens and people bustling about. It was like all of the people around her were moving in real time, and she was moving in slow motion. It felt like she was in water. Everything had the blurry quality of a dream, her movements seemed slower than everyone else's and the noises around her all seemed strangely muffled and muted - except for one.

She turned as she heard Petunia's voice, reaching towards her, desperate for some comfort from her only remaining family. Trying to grab onto anyone who could offer her some comfort, an anchor, in this strange and confusing time.

"Oh Pet thank god you're here. I was so worried that you were home when –"

"How dare you come here," her sister screamed. "How dare you show your face! This is all your fault. It was those freaks like you that did this, that killed mum and dad and practically the entire neighborhood. I can't believe you. You always were a worthless piece of shit. A freak of nature and abomination! No one should be able to do those things you can do. And look at what happened to mum and dad. They couldn't protect themselves from those – those – monsters! That's what you are, you're a monster. You always have been. You always were out to steal them from me, and now look what you've done! If they had never had you none of this would have ever happened. Those monsters came here for you - they never wanted anything to do with us! I wish you had never been born, that you had never been a part of my family. I can't believe you have the audacity to show your face here after this. I never want to see you again."

Lily felt the tears rolling down her face, felt as if she was reeling from the unexpected blow her sister's words brought her. She felt utterly and completely alone. The one person she could reach out to, the one person she could latch onto in the face of her parents death wanted nothing to do with her ever again. And was she right? Was this all because of her? What would she do now? Where could she go? And Lily felt her mind swimming in confusion and in slow motion felt her self falling backwards. Just when she thought she would hit the concrete, her body jerked, and she woke up.

The first thing Lily did was reassure herself that it was a dream, but in the dark in her bed with the hangings closed she felt just as alone as she had then. Just as sure that it _wasn't_ a dream and that her parents were dead and her sister hated her. Lily reached up wipe the tears from her face before getting out of bed and quietly sneaking out of her room.

Her bare feet made almost no noise as she quietly stole up the staircase to the 6th year boys dorm. Easing open the door she stole over to the third bed, the one she knew belonged to James. She pulled back the hangings and shook James' shoulder. "James," she whispered in his ear.

He stirred before turning over and half opening one eye to look up at her. "Lily? What are you doing? What happened?" He seemed a little more awake after he spoke and sat up.

Lily was still crying, and through her sobs managed to whisper, "Oh James it was horrible. I had the most horrible nightmare. My parents were killed, by Voldemort I think, and Petunia was there and she," she chocked back a sob, "oh she was just awful. She told me it was my fault they were dead, that I'm a freak and they'd have all been better off without me, and oh James it just seemed so real!"

James was shocked. Lily was it a serious state of upset and her crying was becoming a louder. He threw back the cover and scooted over in the bed. "Come here Lils." She crawled under the covers with him and he closed the hangings before casting a silencing charm on them so that she could tell him what happened and cry to her heart's content without waking his roommates.

Just as he had set his wand down she crawled into his arms, still sobbing. "Oh James it was just horrible, and I woke up and I still feel like it's real and I can't convince myself that it's not because I was so convinced they were dead and I just felt so alone and like I had no place to go and I'm so scared!" James just held her as she sobbed into his chest, reflecting on how completely natural it felt to him that Lily had just crawled into his bed after having a nightmare.

"It's ok Lily. It's not real. Your parents are fine. And Petunia may be awful but she's full of it. Even if that did happen it would never, ever be your fault, and their lives would never have been better without you. You need to stand up to her and be proud of who you are. Just because she is jealous of you and doesn't like you doesn't mean the rest of us don't love you. You're a wonderful person and there are plenty of people who care about you. You could always come to me, you know that." He chuckled slightly and she laughed into his chest. "I'm guessing you do know that or else you wouldn't be here right now. It'll be fine Lils, don't worry." He rubbed her back as he held her and after a while her sobs quieted. When he looked down she had fallen asleep. He smiled and kissed the top of her head before he leaned back against his pillows and felt back asleep himself.

It was early in the morning when Lily woke up in James' arms. It took her a minute to remember what had happened and why she had come up to his room last night. The she remembered her nightmare. However after some good uninterrupted sleep and the comfort of James' embrace she was able to tell herself that it was just a dream and to forget about it. James was still asleep, and sticking her head out of the hangings she saw that it was still an hour before any of the boys would be up, and at least a half hour before any of her roommates would be awake. As she carefully disentangled herself from James so she wouldn't wake him she realized how glad she was that she woke up this early. This way she could sneak out of his room without any of the other guys knowing she had been there in the first place. As good of friends as she and James were, and as natural and comfortable as she had felt in his embrace last night, she really didn't want to deal with the questions she'd have to field if their friends or her roommates found out she slept here the better part of last night. As she climbed into her room and headed to take an early shower she just hoped that James wouldn't mention it to any of their friends either, and that she could find some time to talk to him about it later that day.

* * *

Lily found James that afternoon during their shared free period. Sirius and Peter were in Divination, and Remus was in Ancient Runes, which Lily had decided to drop after her OWLs.

As she strolled along the front lawn she saw him under a tree near the lake. He looked like he was working on something, with one book open in front of him and another stacked next to it. As she got closer she saw he was writing on a piece of parchment, using another book as a table. She sat down next to him without saying anything.

"Hey Lils," he said without looking up. "Not working?"

Lily shook her head. "Nope. I'm a day ahead on the work so I figured I'd come sit outside and enjoy the weather." She pulled her scarf around her. "How long do you think the weather will hold?" she asked.

James looked up and the scattered cloud cover. "Well, let's see. Halloween is in what? 2 weeks? I'd say we'll get some warm enough weather until then maybe. But by the time November runs around I think we'll be stuck doing work inside again until the spring."

Lily nodded. "I guess we should take advantage of it while we can then huh?"

He nodded absently, and went back to writing. Lily leaned back against the tree trunk and James' left shoulder and wondered how she could bring up the topic of her nightmare last night. After about five minutes of silence she felt James roll up his parchment and set both his books off to the side.

"Lily," he said.

She looked at him. "Hmm?"

Showing a bit of nervousness he ran his hand through his hair, "What's wrong?"

Surprised, she responded. "Is it that obvious?"

He ran his hand through his hair again. "Well no, I mean not really. It's just that after last night I thought that maybe something was up, and I don't know it was mostly just a guess."

She smiled and leaned her head against the rough bark of the tree, looking up at the sky filtering through its leaves. "I had a nightmare." She paused briefly and added, "a really, awful nightmare."

James mimicked her position, keeping his left shoulder in contact with her right one. "I remember that. You said something about your parents being killed and your sister."

"Yeah. I had this dream, and I don't know it was kind of fuzzy like I didn't know what was going on. And then Petunia was there and I wanted her comfort so badly. But then she just started saying all of these horrible, awful things and it was like I just knew. My parents were dead, and she said it was all my fault - that they would have all been better off without me. And you know what? I believed her."

James sighed before turning and pulling her into a hug. "Lily even if something did happen to them it would never be your fault. You didn't choose to be who you are, you were just made this way. Being magical is something special and Petunia is just jealous of you because you are such a wonderful gifted person. You need to learn to stand up to her."

He felt Lily nod into his shoulder. "I know. She just – I just – I guess I just want us to be sisters."

"Yeah, but Lily, if she can't accept who you are that's your problem. You don't need to change who you are just to try and win her acceptance. You can't be responsible for someone else's happiness. You can only be responsible for your own."

Lily nodded again and she digested his advice while they were both silent for a while. After a few minutes she said quietly, "You didn't mention to the guys about last night did you?"

James smiled. "The part about you having a nightmare, or the part about you crawling into my bed?"

He had a teasing smirk on, but Lily blushed red all the same. "Either."

James dropped his smile when he saw her blush. It made him ache that she could come to him for comfort like that, but not admit it to herself or anyone else that she needed him that way. "Neither," he assured her.

* * *

"And McKibbon dives, but it's a miss. Another goal to Slytherin! And that brings the score to 90-40 in Slytherin's favor!"

A loud chorus of boos were heard throughout the stands, but the Slytherin section and about half the Ravenclaw sections were cheering loudly. James Potter was cursing. His first game as captain and they were down to Slytherin by 50 points! They were nearly an hour into the game and goals weren't coming easily. He had to admit that Slytherin had an amazing team of chasers this year – two 5th years and a 7th year and they worked together seamlessly. Meanwhile Gryffindor had to replace Tracy London who had graduated last year. And although James and Daniel Cummins, a returning 4th year, felt comfortable in the game, it looked like their new 3rd year chaser Aimee Randall needed some more practice. James swore again as he lost Dan lost the quaffle. He had picked Aimee for the team because he knew she had a lot of potential, and if he could train her well by this time next year she's be superb, but in the meantime they were losing.

Meanwhile, Lily was sitting in the stands with Remus, Peter, Aly, and her other 3 roommates.

"Who's the new girl," Aly asked in Lily's ear.

"Aimee Randall," she said. "She's a third year. She's friends with Rachel and Samantha."

"Ahh, I thought I recognized her. It was hard to tell from that far away though. I forgot she said she made the team."

Lily nodded. Those three went everywhere together and were fast friends. Lily and Aly were some of the only older students they knew, and they occasionally ate lunch with them. Rachel's older sister was one of the other Gryffindor 6th year girls.

"James says she had a lot of potential but she looks pretty nervous from here."

Remus leaned over to join in the conversation. "Aimee? I don't know she looks like she's doing fine, but those Slytherin chasers are doing extremely well. We can barely keep up. It's all McKibbon can do to keep them from scoring every other shot."

Peter agreed. "The Slytherin chasers may be better than ours, but we have better beaters – Sirius and Janice, that 5th year are really pretty good. James just needs to use them to our advantage. We aren't going to win this game on goals. We need to find the snitch and soon. Slytherin's seeker isn't all that quick and if we can distract him maybe Carl can find the snitch. Slytherin's best shot at winning this game is to outscore us by more than 150 and if this game keeps up for another hours I think they could do it."

James meanwhile had realized the same things and called a timeout. As the other 6 players touched the ground he quickly gathered them together and started giving directions.

"Alright you guys this is what needs to happen. There chasers are really good. Aimee, your doing fine don't worry and just play your best, I didn't really expect us to outscore them today. What we need to do is hold them off until Carl can find the snitch. Carl, the Slytherin seeker, LeVay, keeps getting distracted watching the game, especially when there's a foul – he hasn't figured out he can use that time to look for the snitch yet. So Sirius, I want you too keep trying to disrupt any rhythm the chasers try and build up. Chasers, we're going to have to play a little dirty to slow the game down and disrupt their passing but try to not get called for too many fouls. McKibbon, keep doing what you're doing and when they do get fouls, do what you can to keep them out. Janice, I want you do let Sirius handle the chasers, and I want you to do everything you can to distract their seeker so the Carl can have so freedom to move about the pitch. Remember guys the way we are going to win this game is to slow them down for as long as we can to give Carl to find time to get the snitch. Got it?"

They all nodded their heads in agreement as James heard the whistle telling them time was up and to get back in the air. "Alright, let's do this then."

Another hour into the game and the score was now 170-70. James had managed to intercept a pass from the Slytherin keeper for a quick score, but their only two other goals had come from Aimee. All the chasers were starting get into close contact with their counterparts and both teams were starting to play dirty. However, it seemed that because Aimee was so small she easily got the call in her favor when she got into a bad tussle with another chaser. She had scored two of three penalty shots. Janice had been able to distract LeVay pretty well, and sure enough every time there was a penalty he would get caught watching instead of looking. Carl was frantically searching high and low for the snitch before they ran out of time, and Sirius had managed to do a good job disrupting the chasers, even though it meant that he spent less time protecting his own chasers from bludgers. Dan had already narrowly avoided having his arm broken and McKibbon had taken a sore hit to the shoulder when he refused to get out of the way and let the quaffle go through.

Suddenly, after receiving a pass from Aimee near his own goal, James felt a Slytherin chaser come up from below him and grab the quaffle. Knowing that if he lost it the chaser would be one on one with McKibbon James held on to the quaffle for dear life. He and the other chaser both had two arms on the quaffle and were currently locked together and tumbling through the air. Before James knew it, everything went black.

Lily was standing on her tip toes in the stands and James wrestled with another Slytherin chaser. She bit her lip as she watched them tumbling over each other through the air. From the other side of the pitch she saw Sirius chase down a bludger and aim it towards them, trying to break them apart and make the Slytherin chaser back off. But when neither of them moved Lily watched from afar as the bludger made contact with James' head and still holding the quaffle and the other chaser, they all fell to the ground.

All at once, Lily, Remus, Peter, and Aly gasped along with the rest of the Gryffindor fans. As a group of the professors and Madam Huely came rushing on to the field to tend to James, there was a cry from the announcer.

"Oh no that had to hurt. It looks like Potter just took a nasty hit to the head. Thankfully he was practically attached to Noring which slowed his fall. Madam Huely and Professor Dumbledore on the pitch as well as Professor McGonagall. Play will resume as soon as – wait! Look at this! There goes Carl Jennings in a steep dive, it looks as if he's seen the snitch. Yes! Ladies and Gents it looks like this game is over! Final score, Slytherin 170, Gryffindor 220! What a long and difficult game."

As soon as they saw Carl land clutching the snitch, surrounded by the rest of the team sans Sirius who was standing with Madam Huely as she checked over James, Lily, Remus, and Peter ran down to the field to see how James was. Because of all the crowds, they didn't get to James until he was already in the hospital wing. Madam Huely had bandaged his head after finding there was no skull damage and was going to get him a revival potion when Lily led the others into the hospital wing to see Sirius sitting on the end of the bed.

As soon as she saw him, Lily proved by her temper that she was a red head. "Sirius Orion Black what were you thinking! I mean who hits their own team member in the head with a bludger and their best friend nonetheless you could have killed him!"

Remus was quick to jump in. "Whoa Lily calm down. He didn't mean to you know that, you're just worried. I'm sure James is going to be fine, tell her Sirius."

Sirius' eyes had widened when Lily had started yelling at him and now he was quick to appease her. "He's fine, there was no skull damage, it was mostly a glancing blow. Madam Huely just went to get him some revival potion. He'll be up in just a minute."

Lily knew she was just mad because seeing him unconscious, falling out of the sky like that had terrified her, but she crossed her arms and looked angry all the same. She would apologize when he woke up and said he was fine.

Just then Madam Huely came bustling around the corner, a potion in hand, and poured it down James' throat. After about 30 seconds all four friends sighed in relief when his eyes opened.

"Mister Potter."

"Huh?"

"Do you know what day it is?"

James groaned when he realized where he was. "Yes, it's a Saturday and I was in the middle of a quidditch game against Slytherin and oh Merlin Sirius please tell me if you were going to knock me out that we at least won the bloody game."

"Yup, he's going to be just fine," said Madam Huely. "I'll want to keep you overnight just for observation though. Standard with head injuries as I'm sure you know by now Mister Potter." And with that she bustled back to her office.

Sirius smiled and looked at Lily before he looked back and James and answered. "Yeah we did. Everyone was so distracted by what was happening to you that when Carl finally found the snitch he had no competition and picked it out of the air like it was a daisy."

After another hour of recounting the final moments of the game and discussing the entire thing in detail everyone left the hospital wing, except James to go grab dinner. Lily promised that she would stop by later and bring him a book and his Potions homework so that he could at least get something done if he was going to be stuck here and miss the party. Much to James' delight she offered to miss it with him and stay in the hospital wing, but James told her to go and have fun, as long as she came down to visit him for a little while after dinner.

As they all walked back to the tower Lily turned to Sirius. "I'm sorry I yelled at you," she said. She knew that he knew why she had acted that way, there wasn't much more to say than that.

Sirius nodded. "I know." He slowed his pace so that Remus and Peter were all the way down the hall before he continued. "I know why you did it Lily love. You care about him – it's obvious. Don't worry about it. You did what any best friend would have done – worry." He paused as he considered saying something about Lily caring for him even more that as just a friend, but decided against it. It really wasn't his place to say anything.

**A/N: So I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. It was a fun one to write, especially the Quidditch game. The next chapter will be SUPER EXCITING (you guys have all be waiting for it and with only 7 chapters left don't you think we should start getting those two together?) so if you guys want it faster you should review! :)**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: PLEASE READ AUTHOR NOTE AT THE END OF THIS CHAPTER. IT IS MUY IMPORTANTE!**

"SURPRISE!"

James laughed as he closed the door to the Room of Requirement behind him. Lily was the first to make it over to him, and she was grinning as she threw her arms around his neck in a hug. Laughing he picked her up and swung her around once before setting her back on her feet. As he felt Sirius clap him on the shoulder he turned to him and gave him what Lily called a 'man hug' that involved a lot of slapping on the back. He turned to all of his friends, still smiling like mad at the surprise. "You guys didn't have to do this."

Remus laughed. "What? It's not everyday that a Marauder turns 17. We have to celebrate!"

"Damn straight Prongs," yelled Sirius. "You think we'd pass up such an obvious excuse to throw a party?"

James just shook his head at his friends. "Yeah but I thought you guys were going to throw a party for me this weekend."

"Aww, James you didn't think it was a Hogsmeade weekend just to celebrate your birthday did you," Lily teased.

Peter smiled at his friends. It was times like this that he was very careful to keep a thin layer between himself and them. He needed the space to keep himself safe, to keep them safe. Although it was getting easier, it was still hard. "Of course we're still having a get together at the Broomsticks. We reserved the back room and everything. A bunch of people are going to come by that afternoon," he said.

"Yeah," Sirius said. "We just figured we'd make it an even better birthday and have two parties. Look we even got pie from the house elves!"

"Pie?" James asked. "Don't you usually have cake at a birthday party?"

Lily blushed as Sirius took delight in responding. "Well that's what I said, but I let Lily come with me and she couldn't believe I was going to ask the elves to make you a cake so we got a bunch of pies instead."

James turned to Lily and laughed. "You would deny the house elves the delight in making someone food?" He pretended to look affronted. "What kind of horrible person are you?"

Lily sighed. She was never going to be able to defend herself, she'd been trying since this afternoon. "That's not what I said, but Sirius wanted to have them make this huge cake, and he wanted to be able to put himself in it because he just thought it would be this great surprise." She waved her hands in the air trying to emphasize how stupid Sirius had looked trying to mime his request to the house elves. "Well they just couldn't understand what was going on so I figured I'd spare them the confusion and just asked for two cherry pies, an apple pie, and a pumpkin pie from dinner."

James had started laughing before she even finished, along with Remus and Peter as Sirius just shrugged his arms. It really was par for the course where he was concerned.

"They seemed to have trouble understanding the I needed to be in the cake, but not _baked_ into the cake," he said, as everyone started laughing again.

* * *

Later that evening, James and Lily were in the common room after the rest of their friends had gone to bed, trying to finish up a Potions project they were partners for. James now understood why Lily had put off analyzing and writing up the final parts of their project until so late on a Tuesday night after the party for his birthday had gone on for some time.

It was getting pretty late, and the only other people in the common room were 3 seventh years, huddled together over a table in the far corner. Finally James felt like his eyes were crossing. "Lily," he whined. "Can we take a break? We've been working on this forever."

Lily rolled her eyes and looked up at him. "Come on James we don't have that much left, we could probably finish this in half an hour."

"Oh come on Lily, let's go outside. Maybe it'll even be snowing."

She looked up at him now and smiled. His eyes were bright, even though he was obviously getting tired and she couldn't help but smiled when he pleaded with her like that. "If it's snowing we'll go outside. Merlin knows I wish it would. It just doesn't seem like the end of the term with no snow."

The weather had been unusually dry, and even though it had been as cold as normal, Hogwarts had yet to see any snow that term. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, James was out of his chair and looking out the window. Lily bent her head back down to their essay just before James started shouting. "Oh my gods, Lily it's actually snowing. Come on, go grab your cloak!"

She looked up at him. "Come on James, stop messing around and let's get this finished so we can go to bed."

He was smiling, but it wasn't the sarcastic smile she saw him with when he was trying to make something up. "No really Lils, go look."

Reluctantly she rose from her chair. It would be just her luck that she would make this bargain and then have it turn out to be true. But as she got to the window, it was. White flakes were falling from the sky, and in the light from the windows she could see that the ground was covered with an inch of snow. It must have been snowing for probably an hour before they had noticed. The sight of the first snow of the season put such a smile on her face that she turned to James. "Alright, I'll go grab my cloak, I'll meet you back down here in a minute. But I only want to be out there for a little bit," she cautioned.

James just smiled and ran up the stairs.

* * *

Twenty minutes later the pair snuck out the front doors of the castle. James carefully folded his invisibility cloak and put it just outside the doors where it wouldn't blow away. Rather than waiting for him, Lily ran down the steps and out into the snow.

Lily looked up at the sky as she turned and danced her way through the Hogwarts lawn. She had the strong desire to make a snowman, but there wasn't enough snow on the ground yet. Not expecting it, she jumped and turned around when she felt something soft and wet hit her arm. "James!" she shouted. As soon as she realized what had happened she reached down and started trying to gather her own snowball. Granted there was quite a bit of dirt in it, but she figured it would do. But he had seen her turn and quickly darted behind a tree when she lobbed her pitiful snowball in his direction.

James laughed at the surprised look on her face when she turned around, and again at the immediate look of both amusement and anger as she bent down to make her own. When she threw it at him he easily avoided it by stepping behind a nearby tree. He loved that she always tried to win, even when every snowball fight they had ever had ended up with him as the victor.

Lily smiled to herself as she ducked behind her own tree and started trying to strategize. She would never win a straight snowball fight – his Quidditch skills came in handy too much. She peeked around her tree and almost got hit in the face before she ducked back, but she had seen what she was looking for and pulling out her wand she got ready to move.

James waited for her to look around the tree, he knew she would and he had one ready to go. As soon as he hit her with this one he'd make another and then charge her tree. She'd never expect him. He smiled when she had to duck so quickly to avoid getting hit, and bent down to make another snowball. Suddenly, all the snow that had gathered in the tree – which was quite a bit even though there wasn't much on the ground – fell out of the tree on top of him. "That was so not fair Lils," he yelled. But he had his snow ball and as he came around the tree she saw him and ran.

Lily whispered her spell and giggled as all the snow fell out of the tree. When James came running out from behind the tree with a snowball, she knew she was doomed, but she ran anyway. She felt it hit her in the middle of the back and turned to look over her shoulder as she ran. She could barely run now she was laughing so hard and it wasn't long before he caught her, grabbing her around the waist and lifting her a few inches off the ground.

James threw the snowball as he chased her, satisfied when he hit the middle of her back. She flinched and slowed down after that, her body shaking with laughter. He easily caught up with her, and rather than tackle her into the snow since the ground wasn't too well padded yet, he looped his arms around her waist and lifter her off the ground. "Gotch ya."

She was still laughing as he put her down. She turned around to face him when her feet were back on the ground. She lifted her hands up from the circle of his arms and set them on his shoulders. Until they were this close she never seemed to notice how tall he was compared to her, the top of her head only came up to just above his chin. She tilter her head back and looked up at him and when she looked at his eyes, looking down at her, she stopped breathing.

She was giggling as she turned around in his arms, and when she lifted her hands to get more comfortable, he automatically tightened his arms around her waist. But when she looked him in the eyes she stopped, and suddenly James felt the whole world drop away. She was beautiful. He had always known it, but right now, with snowflakes in her bright red hair, and her green eyes still full of laughter from their adventure, she was irresistible. But he had to resist. He was painful aware of how much he had to hold back, ever since he realized he was in love with her. Countless times he had held her like this and had to keep from kissing her, from wanting her. But this time, something had changed. They were close, so close, but this wasn't unusual for them. What was unusual was the way she was looking at him. James allowed himself to hope. He wanted so badly to close the small gap between them, but he didn't. It needed to be her. She needed to do it. She was the one who was taken, she was the one who needed to choose. James had chosen a long time ago.

Lily couldn't breath, she felt like her stomach was in her throat, blocking air from entering, but she didn't mind. Has he always been this sexy, she thought idly as she took in his tousled hair, the strong arms around her waist, and the smirk that graced his face. But it was his eyes that she couldn't look away from, that kept her from breathing. Had he always looked at her like that? His hazel eyes were amazing and staring at her with such intensity, such longing, that Lily felt so close to him. All thoughts of their friends, Will, the world, flew right out of her head as she felt the driving need to kiss him. So she did.

James was in heaven. As Lily's lips met his own he drowned in her. There was no other way to put it. He had been denying himself this for so long now, that he wondered if he was dreaming. He mouth was soft and giving under his and she felt perfect the way she fit into his arms. Her scent surrounded him, driving everything even further from his thoughts as he sunk into everything that was Lily, but he had to think right now, he would guess he had never been happier in his life.

Lily didn't think, she just felt. And what she felt was amazing. James' mouth was warm as he tenderly kissed her. She felt like her mind was no longer connected to her body as her hands ran up to tangle in his hair. She had never realized it was quite so soft. Few times in their friendship had she been so acutely aware of well they fit together as she was now, her body melting to his as she felt the broad palms of his hands on her back as his arms tightened around her. Sometimes, when she wasn't expecting it, she would find herself wondering what it would be like to kiss him, but never had she imagined that he, or anyone, could taste this good. She felt like she could stay here forever. She felt him smile into her lips as they stopped, causing her to smile as well. She felt amazing.

James couldn't stop himself from grinning – he felt as if his face would break in two. Still smiling at each other, he held her close before wordlessly taking her hand, and walking back towards the castle.

James held her hand the whole way back to the common room. Usually, such a thing wouldn't have bothered Lily too much, but now she noticed it more than she usually would have. When they had first broken apart she had felt on top of the world. Her first thought had been that it had never been like that with Will. And then she remembered she was dating Will. With every heartbeat the guilt crept in further. The whole way back to the room she berated herself. What was she doing kissing James like that? Even if Will wasn't here. And why had she? She had known she had made the move, and that she had wanted to. That was undeniable. She cared for James, deeply. But what about Will? What had she done? She couldn't date two people at the same time? Assuming dating James was what she wanted. Was it? Thoughts flew around her head, upending everything she thought she knew, and the whole time her traitorous body hummed with delight from the kiss they had shared in the snow.

As they snuck back into the common room, James saw the three seventh years had gone to bed. He threw off the invisibility cloak and put it on the back of a chair at the table they had been working at earlier. He almost laughed when he remembered their potions project. It seemed a lifetime ago that they had been working on it, now that so much had changed. He turned around and wrapped his arm around Lily, putting a soft kiss to her forehead before leaning his own forehead to hers and look at her.

The Lily nearly cried from the confusion she was feeling as James softly kissed her forehead. She couldn't do this. She needed to back up. She didn't know what she needed. She wished that things weren't so complicated, then she might know what she wanted. Because she knew she wanted nothing more than to crawl into his arms and stay there. But she felt dirty for having done this. She couldn't believe a thought about Will hadn't entered her mind earlier. She couldn't believe that she had been so selfish. She felt like a cheater, and it felt dirty. Unfortunately, the one person she would have loved to spill her feelings to, the one person she could count on to support and comfort her right now, was the person she was about to hurt. The tender look in his eyes almost stole her bravery, but she was a Gryffindor for a reason, so she said it.

"James we need to talk."

James saw the look that crossed her face when she said that, and knew, that it couldn't be good. Part of him wanted to pretend she wanted to talk about how they would tell their friends, but he knew Lily too well to really believe that. Just as he finally thought she was his, just as he finally thought he could truly have her, love her, she wasn't going to let him. He let go.

He didn't say anything, but he let go of her and the smile fell from her face. She had already hurt him then, there was no going back now. Before she could start to cry she said it.

"Look James, this doesn't have to mean anything.?

His voice was surprisingly calm, to both of them. Lily knew that he was likely in shock and too hurt to show her that he was hurting. Somehow that hurt worse. "What do you mean, it doesn't have to mean anything?"

She swallowed and avoided his eyes. If she looked at him she would cry, and it would hurt even more if he didn't comfort her. And somehow, she didn't think he would. But she had to do this didn't she? It was the right thing to do. She didn't have a choice. She wished she could tell him that. She wished it could be that simple.

"James, I'm with Will. I…" She wanted to explain, she did. But she couldn't find the words, her world was upside down, and she knew nothing she said would be good enough. She had never felt that way when she said something to James. She didn't know how to handle it.

He nodded, but since she wouldn't look at him, he doubted she saw it. His whole world was falling down. His cover was blown, and it felt like she had blown a hole in his heart. "Fine. I get it." So she had chosen – and it wasn't him.

Neither of them knew what to do, what to say. Finally James looked over that their potions project. He almost laughed again, though this time at his own stupidity. It seemed so long ago that he sat there, pleading with her to go outside. Part of him wished he hadn't. But he knew in his heart that he would never regret getting to kiss her like that, even if he never go to again. Suddenly he needed to get out of that room, as he felt the hurt crowd in. He started gathering his stuff. "I'm going to bed."

Lily saw him picking up the work. "What are we going to do about the project?"

"I'll finish it," he said, no emotion in his voice. "I have a free period in the morning while you're in Arithmancy. I'll finish it then, the conclusion is the only thing missing."

Lily felt like their friendship was breaking. It was like she could watch it falling apart at the seams. She didn't want this to happen. She did care for him, but this wasn't her choice! "James…"

He was at the bottom of the stairs when he turned to face her. His eyes were guarded in a way she had never seen them before, stealing her courage just as easily as they had stolen her breathe not a half an hour earlier. When she didn't continue he turned around and climbed the stairs. "Good night Lils."

The use of her nickname didn't comfort her. Rather it made the tears she had been holding back, fall silently down her cheeks.

**A/N: DON'T HATE ME! PLEASE? I promise it'll get better, obviously it has to have a happy ending. Please don't stop reading: Will does make his last appearance in the next chapter, so you know it has to get better after that! Next chapter will be up as soon as possible, I promise. **


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Ok, I really shouldn't be posting, since I have so much work to do this week and this weekend that it's ridiculous. But lucky for you all I did, even if it is short. :)**

* * *

Sirius felt like he couldn't breathe. He, James, Peter, and Lily were sitting at a table in the common room. The boys were all doing homework and Lily seemed to be writing a letter to someone. As it was a Sunday afternoon and beautiful outside, Sirius was not much for concentrating on his homework. Although it took him two hours to finish a Potions assignment he should have been able to complete in 45 minutes, it did allow him to really observe the tension between Lily and James. They hadn't been speaking much in the last week. It was clear that they were avoiding each other, and had been since Wednesday, the day after James' birthday. By now, Sirius was pretty sure even Lily's roommates had realized she was avoiding James. The only issue was, no one knew why.

As soon as he finished his potions assignment and leaned back in his chair, Remus came in through the portrait hole.

"Hey Moony," he said as he tipped the chair back on two legs.

"Hey Padfoot." He came over to stand at the table. "What are you guys up to?"

"I just finished that Potions assignment for Slugy."

"I'm still working on it," said Peter looking up.

James and Lily didn't answer. James looked like he was trying to appear focused, even though Sirius had noticed he kept watching Lily when he thought no one was looking.

Remus had also noticed that Lily seemed to be writing a letter – and a pretty long one at that. "Who you writing to Lil?"

Lily stopped and looked up, glancing at James before looking at Remus to answer. "I'm writing Will. It's been a while and I figured I should write before we go home next weekend." She wasn't looking at James – Sirius thought this was purposeful – so she didn't see his jaw tighten. Sirius, however, did.

Remus just nodded. "Yeah, that's probably a good idea."

Just then James finished his sentence, packed up his stuff and announced to the group at large. "I'm going to head out and go flying," before heading up the boy's staircase. Sirius looked at Remus as he shrugged his shoulders, and Lily biting her lip worriedly, trying to not glance up the stairs after him and failing. Peter caught Sirius' eye and looked at Lily. He'd have to talk to Peter later. He was usually really observant; maybe he could understand what was going on. In the meantime, Sirius figured there was only one thing to do.

"I think I'll go too."

* * *

James was already in the air by the time Sirius got down to the pitch and he quickly grabbed a quaffle from the shed and went to join him.

As he rose, James noticed him and came closer. "What are you doing out here Pad?"

"Trying to figure out what has my best friend in such a state," he said. He never was like Lily – patient or tactful.

James scowled but didn't answer and Sirius through the quaffle at him.

"So what has you and Lily avoiding each other?"

"We're not," he said defensively throwing the quaffle back at him, albeit harder than necessary.

"Oh please," Sirius rolled his eyes as he passed the quaffle back. "You guys may still be sitting with us at mealtimes, but you've hardly spoken to each other since your birthday. Do you really think we haven't noticed? You guys are walking on eggshells around each other."

James frowned, thinking of how the scene reminded him of a time two years ago, when he and Lily had been out here, passing the quaffle and having a heart to heart. Had he really lost his friendship with her?

"We had a fight," he said simply.

"Must have been one hell of a fight," Sirius claimed. "Usually if you guys fight, Lily's all up in arms about it and you're both so stubborn that you don't talk about it, but you still talk about it. Besides, you guys hate being mad at each other, you've usually made up within 2 days!"

James smirked. "Yeah except for the one fight we had early last year. Remember? She didn't speak to me for a week."

Sirius laughed. "You still talked, she just kept bringing up in a cold tone how 'clearly someone couldn't even do basic magic'."

James laughed a bit, though it was sad. "I thought I was never going to live that down. That was the first time I think we've ever had a prank backfire so badly that wasn't on us."

"So what happened?"

"You know what happened, Peter had-"

"Not about the prank."

James sighed, and continued passing the quaffle. It felt therapeutic, to be doing something mindless with his body as he talked. He was quiet for a minute, but he realized he had to tell someone or else he was going to explode. He had known she was writing to Will, but hearing her say it, after how he felt about her, after what had happened – he had to get out of the room. "She kissed me."

Sirius seemed confused. "Well, you guys are really affectionate, and I mean maybe she just meant it as –"

"No, Sirius." James was shaking his head and his voice was loud. Clearly this was what was frustrating him so much. "It was a I'm-in-love-with-you-where-have-you-been-my-whole-life-never-leave-me-ever-again kiss."

Sirius still wasn't sure what the problem was. "That's good then isn't it. I mean you _are_ in love with her."

"Of course I'm in love with her! I bloody have been for I don't even know how long. At least since last year!" James was really pissed now, and hurled the ball back at Sirius. "Everything would be wonderful if she actually felt the same way."

Ahhh. "So what, she kissed you and then said nevermind?"

James laughed bitterly. "Pretty much. She kissed me and I thought everything was perfect. I was elated. I knew I was in love with her, but she was dating Will, and I couldn't say anything. But that night we came out here to see the snow, and we had a snowball fight, and then it just – happened. And then she told me it didn't mean anything because she was dating Will."

Sirius couldn't remember the last time his friend had sounded so bitter. From his own experience he was likely using that to keep from feeling upset. Anger always was easier to deal with, especially sarcastically. "Mate, are you sure she kissed you, that you didn't just kiss her and imagine that she felt that way?"

James shook his head. "I thought about it. I tried to convince myself I had, but I can't. I refused to make the move because our friendship was always more important to me." He smirked again. "But now I think I've lost that too."

Sirius opened his mouth and then quickly shut it again. It was obvious to anyone who knew them that Lily was in love with James. But James was so use to it, so use to the way they interacted before he realized he was in love with her. It was no wonder he couldn't see it. Part of the reason he had such a hard time realizing he was in love with Lily was because her friendship was so important to him. And Sirius knew that no matter what, he hadn't lost that. "You haven't lost it. You just need to cool down. Keep avoiding each other till break, and when you get back try and be friends again."

James nodded. "I just can't be around her right now. It's really hard." James knew it wasn't just the pain he felt at her rejection that was hard to handle. Every time he thought about that kiss on his birthday it was harder and harder not to kiss her again. He knew she cared for him, or at least he thought he did. But maybe he was wrong. Maybe he had just imagined it. Maybe he just loved her so much, and wanted that love returned so much, that he had seen something, felt something, that wasn't really there. He hoped break got here soon. He had a lot to think about.

* * *

Lily breathed a sigh of relief when she left the train station. She was glad that no matter how much she was avoiding James, and he was avoiding her, that he still hugged her goodbye when they got off the train. But it was hard. For those few seconds she was in his arms again – the first time since his birthday – she realized how much she had missed them, how comfortable they felt. And she remembered how wonderful it felt to kiss him. But then as soon as she let go the guilt came flooding back in, making her glad to be away from him for the next two weeks. It was easier, when he wasn't close by, to convince herself that she wasn't in love with him.

The day after she got home Will called her. She begged off going to a movie, saying she felt like she needed to spend some time with her family, since it was her sister's last Christmas before she got married. Vernon had apparently proposed sometime in the last month, and the wedding was to be sometime next fall. Lily was convinced Petunia would find a way to keep her out of her wedding if she could, possibly holding it when she was in school to try and keep her from being able to come. Lily didn't care much personally, but she knew her parents would throw a fit. Will, not ever really knowing the extent of her relationship with her sister, bought the excuse, and they made plans to go out and exchange gifts and spend time together the day after tomorrow.

After her kiss with James she had been flooded with guilt. How could she do that to Will? She had never felt like someone who would cheat on someone like that. She and Will had been together for nearly a year and a half, in what she thought was a fairly serious relationship. She had, after all, told him about her real life. How could she possibly realize she was in love with James now? Her guilt had prodded her to write Will a long letter. Wanting to appear as if nothing was wrong and probably failing, her letter was long, but very rambling and vague.

The morning after Christmas Lily called Will, again begging off their plans, saying she was sick. She tried to make light of it by saying she must have eaten too much pie the day before, but she didn't think he believed her. He asked if she wanted him to come over but she said no, she was sure it would pass by tomorrow and she would see him then. But Lily knew it was guilt that was making her stomach curl in knots. Not even just guilt over the kiss anymore, but guilt about possibly wanting out of her relationship with Will. She was convinced it was just her doubts about her feelings for James, but she thought maybe if she gave herself enough time they'd go away, and her relationship with Will would feel right. But somehow, she wasn't too sure.

The next day, she couldn't think of any more reasons to not see Will, and he had mentioned on the phone, that if she still wasn't feeling well he was coming over. Knowing that he knew she was avoiding him, she agreed to meet him.

* * *

As they walked through the park Lily kept both her hands around her cup of tea so as to give her an excuse to not hold Will's hand. After a while, they stopped and sat on a bench and he turned to her. "Lily what's wrong? You've been avoiding me ever since you got home. And in your last letter you seemed really preoccupied."

Lily took a deep breathe and turned to Will. "Will, I don't really know how to say this," she began, "but I think maybe we should a break." She held her breathe, waiting for his response.

He nodded. "I thought maybe that was it."

Lily rushed to explain. "I just don't know if this is right for me right now. I just need some time to think."

He looked at her critically for a moment. "Lily, I don't think we need a break."

She looked confused. "You don't? But I mean, I know maybe you don't, but I just feel like –"

"Lily I think maybe we should break up."

"What?"

"Lily," he said looking at her, "why do you think you need a break?"

She sighed and looked away from him. "I just feel like something isn't right."

"Have you always felt that way?"

Lily didn't know how he could be so calm about this. "No." Then she thought about it. "Well, not really, but kind of." He lifted one eyebrow at her, clearly waiting for her to explain. "I always felt like there was something missing. First I thought it was because we didn't know each other well enough, then because we just didn't see each other for long periods of time, and then because you didn't know the truth about who I was. But I'm still feeling that way, so I think we need a break until I can figure out what's missing."

"Lily, maybe something's missing for you because this just isn't the relationship for you. Nothing has ever felt like it was missing for me. But then again, I often felt like you were beyond my reach. Like nothing I did could make me closer to you than he was."

He saw Lily's eyes flash at that statement, just like they always did when she was talking about him. "That's not fair, this isn't about him."

He sighed. "No, it's not. It's about us. But then again, maybe he's the thing you're missing. I'm sorry Lily, but I'm tired of playing second fiddle. I think that maybe this is what's best for both of us."

She saw the truth in his eyes and let it go. "Maybe. I'm sorry."

He smiled. "Don't be. I never was."

They stayed there like that for a little while, each remembering the good times in their relationship, and by the time he had dropped her off at her house, Lily felt like a great pressure had been lifted off her chest. But when she got back up to her room and saw a letter from Sirius, thanking her for his and James' gifts, she didn't know why she couldn't bring herself to tell James that she was no longer with Will. So she didn't.

**A/N: For all of you who have been waiting for ever for me to get rid of Will - here you go. Now be your wonderful selves and review! :)**


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: Ok, so I know I was on a roll updating there for a while, and then I hit midterms. Thankfully Spring Break is next week, so I should be able to update next week. Thanks for all the reviews I got on the last chapter, you guys are great. Here's a nice long chapter for you since I haven't updated in a while.**

* * *

James felt the warm sun against his face as he leaned against the tree. He missed Lily. He knew he was being stupid since he had just hung out with her yesterday, but he missed her anyway. After a quick debate with himself he pulled out a spare bit of parchment, ripped it in half, and muttered a quick charm to both pieces. He took one bit of the parchment and folded it into an intricate paper airplane before charming it to go find Lily. As much as James was hoping she'd come spend some time with him just relaxing, he knew it was harder to be around her than ever. He still loved her and wanted to spend time with her, but every time he did he couldn't help but feel a small ache in his chest. But the thought of never seeing her again, of never seeing her eyes light up when she looked at him, of never seeing her smile again – that made it ache even worse.

After just a few minutes he saw the writing show up on his parchment.

_Hey, what's up?_

_Nothing I'm hanging out outside by the lake and relaxing now that it's finally warm, what are you doing?_

_Ugh, I'm jealous. I'm studying for my Arithmancy test tomorrow. I can't believe it's already March can you?_

_Nope. But then again, time seems to move both quickly and slowly every year when we're at school. Why doesn't you take a break and come outside? Or even bring your stuff out here, I'll quiz you._

_Can't, Remus is up in arms about how this exam marks the midway point between Christmas hols and the end of year exams and has kidnapped me to study with him in the library._

_Agh, that's a shame. _

_Yeah, personally I think he's just nervous, he cut it really close this time, considering the full moon is tomorrow night._

_Hmm, that's true, I had nearly forgotten. Alright, I'll leave you to your work. Do you know where Sirius and Peter are?_

_Nope, neither does Remus, last I heard Peter was in the common room reading and Sirius was off wandering about._

_Ok I'll see you at dinner?_

_Assuming Remus feels like letting me eat this evening, of course._

And with that James crumbled up the parchment and shoved it in his pocket. Maybe it was a good thing Lily was busy. Sirius had been right before the end of the term. After break he and Lily were still friends, and if you had asked anyone else they would have told you nothing had changed. But it had. Ever since they got back Lily seemed more reserved around him. They were still friends, and although they still affectionately teased each other, she wasn't as physically affectionate with him as she used to be. James was just glad that they could still be such good friends, even if she did pick Will over him.

As soon as he thought of Lily's relationship with Will he noticed the ache in his chest flare. Deciding that that was not a good topic of thought he headed over to the Quidditch pitch to doing some flying before dinner to clear his mind.

* * *

It was just after sundown the next evening and James was sitting in the common room scribbling a quick conclusion on his Defense essay since he wouldn't have time to finish it later, when Peter burst into the common room looking like he had just run a mile. As soon as he spotted James he rushed over, his eyes darting around the room like mad.

"Peter what the hell? Are you ok?" James asked.

Peter just shook his head and was still trying to catch his breath. Lily who had been sitting next to the fire reading quickly came over. Gasping between words he managed, "We need….to talk….now. Come on." And with that he grabbed James' arm and dragged him out of the common room, Lily close on their heels.

The three of them ducked into the first empty classroom they could find and Peter tried to put a soundproofing charm on the door, but was shaking so badly he could barely hold his wand straight. Realizing his intention Lily quickly cast it for him and then cast a calming charm on Peter. He smiled his thanks at her and turned to James. "We've got a problem. Sirius told Snape about Remus."

"What?! Sirius told him Remus is a werewolf? How could he do such a thing – is he an idiot?"

Peter just shook his head furiously as James reacted. "No no, you don't understand. He didn't tell him he was a werewolf, he told him where he goes every month. He told him that if he pressed the knot under the tree tonight and followed the tunnel he'd find him."

James felt like his jaw had just hit the floor. And in a voice that felt so detached he wasn't sure it was his own he heard, "he'll be killed."

Peter nodded grimly. "I think that was the point."

The seconds seemed to stretch into minutes as the three of them stood there before Lily said something. "We have to stop him."

Peter looked at James, and said, "I came straight here, but he's probably on his way down there right now."

James threw a quick glance towards the window to see the moon rising above the horizon as twilight ended and night fell. With a quick nod of his head he turned around towards the door, but before he made it there he felt something small and warm grab his hand. He looked at Lily.

She held his hand in both of her smaller ones and her eyes were wide with fear. As he looked at her they seemed to gloss over and he quickly pulled her up in a hug, they boundaries they had set up over the last few months quickly falling away just for this one moment. And with his face buried in her hair he heard her whisper, "please be careful James."

"I will, I promise," he said before he quickly kissed her temple and was out the door.

James flew through the halls, thankfully meeting few people on his way out to the grounds and it was a sign of his desperation that as he reached the Whomping Willow all he had to do was throw his hand in the direction of the knot and in a fit of accidental magic he was able to press the knot wandlessly from that distance. As soon as he was in the tunnel he could here the howls. He knew Snape was in here and as he came near the shack he saw a figure ahead of him.

"Snape," he called trying to get the boys attention.

Snape saw him and misunderstanding, moved even more quickly towards the end of the tunnel where the door to the shack was. James caught up with him just as he swung the door open and both boys suddenly found themselves face to face with a werewolf.

"Oh my gods," Snape screamed. The noise brought the attention of the werewolf and as he turned towards them, James grabbed Snape by the back of his robes and threw him back towards the tunnel.

"RUN!" he shouted, and the next thing Snape knew there was a large stag standing where James Potter had been. The stag turned to face the werewolf and used its large rack of antlers to guard the door, but that was the last thing Snape saw before he turned at ran.

* * *

Lily was a nervous wreck. She couldn't keep still as she and Sirius waited in the Room of Requirement. After James had left she and Peter had used the map to find Sirius. They had tracked him down and brought him to the Room of Requirement. Currently Peter was loitering down near the entrance hall to intercept James when he came back. They knew that they needed to have this conflict out of sight, and it was inevitable that it occur. After that, they had decided, James, Peter, and Sirius would go to Dumbledore about it. Lily wouldn't go with them, as she wasn't actually supposed to know what was going on or be involved.

Just then, the door to the room opened, and Peter came in followed by James. At the sight of him, Lily gasped. James had a large cut on his face, and she could tell by the way he was walking that his whole right side was bruised. Clearly he had transformed to help contain Remus, and doing it alone couldn't have been easy. Lily was about to ask him how he felt, and what she could do, but she never got the chance.

"You idiot," James spit as he came into the room, his eyes locked on Sirius. "I can't believe you, did you ever think once that had Remus actually killed him that it would tear him to pieces!" Lily didn't need to hear him raise his voice to know just how mad James was. She could see the passion and the anger burning in his eyes. James hardly ever got truly angry like this, but when he did, it was hard to calm him down. "How could you do that to your own best friend! It would kill Remus if he inflicted that fate on somebody. I know you and Snape have a crap history and that he's a little bitch and is part of the reason you're disowned, but grow up Sirius."

Sirius looked ashamed. He couldn't even look at James, and every time he tried his eyes automatically found his shoes.

James seemed to be waiting for Sirius to say something, to try and defend himself, and when he didn't it was Peter who spoke up. "We need to go talk to Dumbledore."

Sirius took a step forward as if to go with them but James was quick to stop him. "Not you," he said, his voice now back to a normal level, but the anger he felt still present in his tone. "Peter and I are going to go talk to Dumbledore about protecting Remus from Snape now that he knows. I think only his friends should go." And with that he left the common room. Peter hesitated and looked at Sirius before turning and following James.

Both Lily and Sirius stood there for a whole minute without moving, before Sirius finally spoke, his voice rough. "You must hate me too."

Lily shook her head. "No. I think you were an idiot, but you clearly didn't think your actions through and you know what you did was wrong. I forgive you for it, but then again," she paused and looked meaningfully at him, "I'm not the one you're going to need to ask forgiveness from."

Sirius nodded and sat in a chair the room had just provided before cradling his head in his hands. "Remus is never going to forgive me. I can't believe I almost did that to him. Snape just….he makes me see red."

Lily nodded slowly, she could understand that in a way. "I know you have always had a problem with him, but I don't really know why."

"Well your probably my only friend now, Lily, so I suppose I should tell you."

Lily nodded, figuring that the reason he was telling her was because he need to tell someone, and it seemed like right now she was the only one who would listen.

"Snape is a halfblood. His mum is a witch, but his dad is a muggle, and one of the filthiest kinds at that. He's a stupid idiot and a drunk at that apparently. He didn't know what his wife was until after he married her and Snape was born. Apparently he didn't know until Snape started performing some accidental magic. Well he freaked and he bailed. After that, his mother started to kind of go insane. Apparently, she is a cousin of my dad's. And she acted out against her parents and married a muggle just to piss them off. Well after he bailed she came back to the family, but her mind was kind of addled. Personally, I think it was addled from the start. My Dad could probably be considered legally insane by now. There's been too much inbreeding in his family to try and keep the line pure, and it has caused some minor bouts of insanity. Apparently his sister killed herself when she was 10 because the imaginary people she saw could fly and she thought she could fly too. She jumped off the roof of their house."

"But anyway, Selena came back to the family, and after my grandparents passed, when we were 12 my Dad was the only family she had. My dad started taking Snape under his wing, especially since I had already turned out to be a disappointment after being placed in Gryffindor, and Snape had been placed in Slytherin as was proper for the family. Ever since then, Snape has been trying to make me look worse and worse in the eyes of my parents, especially my dad, and make himself look better and better. His mum came back to the family because she had nothing. She had forfeited her inheritance when she married a muggle, and as a result it had gone to my dad. I think Snape has always hoped that if he can do enough, he can replace me, and my dad will adopt him as heir. But it's not a sure thing, since Regulus is also turning out to follow my parents wishes and technically he's first in line unless my dad adopts Snape as the legal heir."

"So now you know why I'm always after him, and have been since second year, and now you know what he and I are always at each others throats, and he's always trying to point out what a disaster I am. Yesterday, I ran into him when I was wandering around the castle. We were alone, and he was reminding my what a disappointment I was, and how he was going to replace me now that I had been officially disowned. I pointed out that I was only disowned because I refused to join the Dark Lord, and he implied that he had already agreed to. Then I mentioned that he would never be named heir since Regulus would be heir now that I had been disowned, and my father had never been displeased with Regulus in his life. He made a not so subtle threat that if Regulus joined the Dark Lord, surely it was dangerous work – there was even a chance he might be killed, and then what would happen. The idea of it made me see red, and all I wanted to do was kill the bastard for threatening the only part of my family I wish I could save. It killed me to leave Regulus there when I left, but I was honestly lucky to escape with my life, let alone his as well."

"I tried to leave before I could come up with a plan. I really did. I said I needed to go find Remus before I went to dinner, realizing that he must be leaving soon, and Snape made some stupid comment." Sirius had clearly lost himself in telling this story to Lily, but it seemed now as if he remembered she was there. He looked nervously at her.

She was sitting on the edge of her seat, so fascinated with the story the explained so much of Sirius' behavior over the last 4 years, and James, Remus, and Peter's as well. But he seemed embarrassed to continue the story. "Well," she asked almost impatiently, "what did he say?"

Sirius felt his face go slightly pink. He had never mentioned the sly comments Snape made to him about this before. "He well, he alluded that I was seeing Remus in secret. And that that had something to do with why Remus was missing and I was often missing from classes when he was gone." He looked at the floor as he waited for Lily's reaction.

Lily was confused. "I don't understand. You were usually sleeping, though sometimes you _were_ seeing Remus in the hospital wing, even if no one else knew he was there, but what do you mean…"

Sirius rubbed his hand over his face and looked Lily in the eye. "No Lily, he thought I was _seeing_ Remus. As in, he thinks we're…you know…gay" his voice broke on the word a bit, "together."

Lily's eyes got big. "Ohh." And she just stared at him and then tentatively asked, "you're not though are you."

"No." Sirius laughed nervously. "No, no, of course not. Gods like Remus would…," he looked off into space before snapping out of it, "that's not the point. The point is he alluded, again, to the fact that I was sneaking off with Remus –"

"This isn't the first time he's said that is it?"

Sirius shook his head and felt his cheeks go a little pink again. "No, it's not. But so he made this comment, and then I was just so…flustered I guess and still so angry at the thought of him attempting to kill my brother that I just flipped and…and told him. You know what the worst part is?"

Lily shook her head, "No. What?"

"I really did want him to die. I really did want Remus to kill him. And that's what I feel so horrible about. I really did want Remus to take his life. If he actually had Remus would probably have taken his own life as a result he would feel so horrible about it. I just can't believe that I wanted it so badly. I feel so terrible."

The two of them sat there for a few more minutes. "Remus is going to hate me," he said quietly.

Lily didn't really know what to say to that, as it wasn't an unlikely possibility given everything she knew about the Marauders, and about the way Remus felt about his condition. After a few more minutes, Lily started to feel tired. "I'm going to go back to the common room, it's well after curfew. Are you coming?"

Sirius just shook his head. "I'm going to stay here tonight. I don't think I could face James right now either." Lily just nodded her head in understanding and left.

* * *

It was early the next morning when Sirius snuck into the Hospital Wing. There was still an hour before breakfast started, but he knew Madame Huely would have brought Remus back already since the moon set nearly two hours ago.

Sure enough, he found Remus asleep in his usual hospital bed in the back corner behind the curtains. Sirius hadn't been able to sleep a wink last night, and had instead spent the whole night in the Room of Requirement trying to figure out how he was going to be able to explain what happened. He figured he have to tell him the same thing he told Lily, for starters, and then apologize profusely until at least graduation and then maybe, maybe Remus would speak to him again. He gulped as he saw the damage Remus had inflicted on himself this time. Or maybe not.

He figured he should at least get started, and if he botched it up this time it wouldn't matter as much since Remus was asleep and couldn't hear him anyway. So he told him what he did and why and what happened. And when he got the part where he started apologizing he had only said I'm sorry once before Remus spoke.

"I'm so mad at you right now I can't even stand to hear you apologize," he said it without opening his eyes, and Sirius was quite taken aback since he had thought Remus was asleep the whole time. "What pisses me off the most," he continued his eyes still closed, "is that you truly wanted me to kill him."

Sirius buried his face in his hands. "No. I mean yes I wanted him dead, and at the time I wasn't thinking of the consequences but you have to know Remus, please, I would never really want you to kill anyone, I would never want you to do that. He just, god he just made me so mad."

Remus sighed and opened his eyes and looked at him. "I know. I know that threatening your brother must have been bad, but you don't belong to that family anymore Sirius." He saw Sirius flinch. "I know you don't care about your parents, but you can't do anything for your brother. You know he would never follow you, not after seeing how your father treated you. He's too cowardly, he thinks that by following your father's orders he'll save his own skin."

"I know," Sirius said softly. "But it's hard to give up that fight."

"Gods," said Remus, "I just don't understand how you thought that him threatening your brother meant that you thought I should kill him."

Sirius became embarrassed. "It wasn't like that," he said quietly.

"Oh yeah," he said, "then tell me what it was like. How the hell did you get the bright idea to tell him to follow me."

Sirius' face turned red, and Remus became extremely interested to know the answer. "Well, you know how he's always trying to make me seem like a screw up, and over the last year the way he's been doing that is by trying to allude that I'm….well….that I'm gay," again his voice broke over the word. "And he's been implying that when you disappear and I also disappear occasionally it's because we're…well that we're…you know…seeing each other." Sirius felt his face flame again. Remus looked taken aback. "And I know it wasn't the smartest thing, but he just had me so flustered as so pissed off, and I just really wanted him dead and to prove him wrong that I sent him after you. I'm so sorry Remus, I really am, I wasn't thinking. Please forgive me."

"Gods damn Sirius really?"

Sirius looked ashamed. "I know it was stupid –"

"You're damn right it was stupid. Gods who cares if Snape thinks you're gay. Who cares if you are?! I can't believe you would let him get the best of you like that, and I still can't believe you would send him after me like that wanting me to kill him. Do you know how I would feel if I had actually succeeded? Gods Sirius I'd probably want to kill myself."

Sirius quickly wiped his hand across his eyes, afraid he was going to start crying right here in front of Remus. "I know, I'm sorry. And I don't blame you if you never want to speak to me again, but please, please, if you can, please forgive me."

Remus shook his head and looked up at the ceiling. "I don't know Sirius, I need to think about this. But I think you should leave."

Sirius nodded his head and got up and quietly snuck out of the hospital wing, and as he stole back up the stairs towards the Gryffindor common room he realize for the first time that Remus had said it wouldn't matter, even if he was gay.

* * *

The next two weeks were rough for Sirius. Peter and Lily were the only two of his friends willing to speak to him, and given how Peter was trying to not pick sides and avoiding the topic all together that really left only Lily. And even then, she was still friends with James and was talking to both him and Remus. Remus wasn't talking to him and all until he could come to a decision, and given how prone Remus was to self doubt it was likely going to be a while before he could come to what he thought was a fair decision concerning Sirius' actions. According to Lily, James was ready to forgive Sirius if Remus was, and Lily had told him she suspected Remus was close to forgiving him anyways. Apparently, James had grudgingly admitted to being impressed that Sirius had told Remus what had happened and apologized himself as soon as Remus was back. James had apparently thought that he was going to have to tell Remus what happened after he got out of the hospital wing.

It was a Saturday afternoon when Lily found Sirius out near the lake. "Still hasn't forgiven you yet?" she asked.

Sirius shook his head. "Nope. Do you know that today is the first April fools day that the Marauders have not pulled a prank?"

"Oh, that's a shame. But think of it this way, next year you can all catch everyone off guard."

"Assuming they forgive me," Sirius pointed out.

Oh, I think it'll be any day now," Lily predicted.

Sirius snorted. "Oh yeah? How do you figure that?"

"I have my ways," Lily said cryptically. Sirius just looked at her so she elaborated. "Remus was staring at you all through dinner yesterday even if you were too dense to notice it, and James is tired of being mad at you I can tell. He never can stay mad at his true friends for too long, not if he knows they're really sorry."

Sirius smiled at the idea that he might be forgiven. "No Lily love, he never could stay mad at you. No matter what you did to him." He gave her a pointed look. "He even forgave you quick enough after Christmas break."

Lily sighed. "I figured he probably told you."

Sirius just nodded. "He was pretty upset about it."

"I know." Lily stared off across the lake. Silence hung in the air. And then, "I broke up with Will."

Sirius looked confused. "You did? When?"

"Over Christmas break. I was really confused. I knew that I wanted James, but I just, I just felt so dirty about it. That even the thought of what I was doing to Will never even entered my mind. I mean, we'd been together for a while, I'd even told him I was a witch. And then I was just so confused. I told him I wanted to take a break. I thought maybe I could get it figured out. But he realized what was going on. He said he felt like he could he could never be as close to me as James was. So we broke up."

Sirius nodded. "Have you told James?"

Lily just shook her head. "I don't know why either. I guess I just…don't want him to take it the wrong way. I know I really hurt him."

"Yeah but Lily, he loves you."

She looked at Sirius. "He does doesn't he?"

They were both blind he decided. "Of course he does, he's been in love with you longer than he's even known."

"That's the problem."

"What do you mean that's the problem?!" Yes, they were both definitely blind.

Lily just shook her head at Sirius. "I know I care about him, I'm not stupid. And honestly I need him around, I can't screw this up. But you have to realize Sirius, we've been friends for so long, and these feelings feel like they just snuck up on me. I don't want to tell him that I broke up with Will until I know my own feelings."

Sirius nodded. He supposed he could understand that. But James had told Sirius over the break that he thought that by rejecting him for Will, Lily had picked Will over him. James deserved to know that he had a chance, and to not give up on Lily before she could realize she was in love with him. As soon as James was speaking to him again, Sirius promised himself he would tell him. His two friends were sometimes too stubborn for their own good.

* * *

The next evening Sirius found Lily in the back corner of the library doing work.

"Hey Lily love," he said sitting down.

"You seem cheerful," she noted.

"You are looking at a forgiven man," Sirius said with a huge grin on his face.

Lily put down her quill and looked up at him. "Congratulations, I told you he would come around didn't I?"

Sirius laughed. "Yeah you did. I suppose you were right. But hey, you didn't umm, happen to mention to James about the comments Snape made to me right?"

Lily looked confused. "About your brother?"

Sirius turned pink. "No, no I told him about that. I mean about that accusations that I was you know….gay."

Lily chuckled. "No Sirius I didn't tell him."

"Oh ok thanks," he said looking very relieved.

"You know," Lily said slyly, "neither James, Remus, nor Peter would care right?"

"Care if what?"

"If you were gay," she said offhandedly.

"Well I mean, I know they wouldn't….I guess…I just" he fumbled. Lily tried to stifle a grin and failed. "That's not the point Lily," he argued and dropped his voice lower. "I am _not_ gay."

"Ok, ok," she said, "I was just saying. I don't know why you're so worried about them finding out."

"I have a reputation to keep up," he claimed. Then he grinned. "I'll see you later Lily I'm going to hang out with my friends."

"Hey," she shouted indignantly after him, "what am I?"

And she heard Sirius laugh at her comment even as he left the library, and she was glad that things had settled down, at least for now.

**So I am considering a sequel. My roommate put the idea into my head, and I'm thinking about it. When we get to the last chapter (32) I will ask for your opinion in reviews, though if you could start giving them now it would be good too so I can know how much I need to wrap up between here at the last chapter. Regardless, Lily and James will get together before the end of this story, sequel or no, so you don't need to worry about that. Anyways, please review. The more reviews I get the more motivated I am to update!**


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: Does anyone even read the author notes at the beginning? See the note at the end.**

**

* * *

**On a Tuesday morning near the beginning of May, the Great Hall was full of light talk and bustle as students struggled to wake up and ate breakfast in preparation of the day's classes. The post arrived that morning as usual, but a few minutes after the owls had taken off again, a very _unusual_ hush fell over the hall.

"Oh no," muttered Lil, as she read the headline of the Prophet.

"What is it?" asked Aly. The rest of the sixth year Gryffindors were all sitting together that morning and now they leaned in the hear the news.

"There was another attack," Lily said tonelessly, still in shock. "A subway station in London, nearly 400 killed." She heard the sharp intakes of breath around her but she continued to read the article to herself, listing off pertinent facts to the group as she did. "There was extensive damage. Happened yesterday morning while the subway was heavily populated as people went to work. The muggles think it was a bombing, but it was actually Voldemort. Apparently they're trying to pin it on the Soviets and link it to the Cold War between the United States and Russia, but they know that it won't hold if he continues attacks like this." Lily finally set the paper down, she couldn't read anymore.

"That's the third attack since Easter," said Remus.

"The third?" asked Christine, one of Lily's dorm mates.

"Yeah. This is the biggest so far. The first one was small. I don't think too many people paid attention to those two muggle families that were murdered. The only reason they got attention in the Prophet is because of the Dark Mark and the way they were mutilated."

Christine shuddered. "He hasn't attacked any wizards yet though," Aly pointed out. "That's good at least."

Sirius shook his head. "Not directly, no. But he's doing more damage attacking muggles like this. It's going to be hard keeping this covered up for long. He's trying to expose us I think. Force us into acting."

"Why aren't the Aurors doing anything about it?" asked Lauren with contempt.

Lily say James open his mouth, but quickly grabbed his arm. "Let's go, we're going to be late for Potions."

* * *

That afternoon found James walking around the lake. He was attempting to enjoy the beautiful spring weather, but he was preoccupied. Before long he saw Lily walking towards him. He smiled as she approached. "I should have known you'd follow me out here," he teased, glad that she had.

"And I should have knows you'd be out here brooding," she teased him back.

"Brooding? I am not," he defended. Lily raised her eyebrow and said nothing. "Alright, so maybe I was." He started walking again and Lily fell into step beside him. It was so natural that he could have imagined it was just like old times – except it wasn't. HE and Lily were still friends, but he no longer knew where he stood with her. Sirius had told him she'd broken up with Will, but Lily hadn't mentioned it and she made no move to indicate that she loved him back, although she had to know after what happened in December how much he loved her. So although hope had sprouted in his chest, he was beginning to believe that they were doomed to remain only friends. And besides his relationship with Lily, the carefree happiness that had permeated his younger years seemed to be fast disappearing as of late. Pulled from his thoughts be the sound of Lily's voice he asked her to repeat the question.

"I asked how your dad was doing."

"Better," he sighed. "I had a letter from mum yesterday telling me he got out of St. Mungo's last week and that he'll be stuck doing desk work for the next three months while he undergoes physical therapy, but that his leg will be fine."

The last attack before today's had been on a popular church in the Liverpool area. A witch had been there, and recognizing the magic had apparated to the Ministry. The Aurors had arrived at the scene to find the building set on fire with most of the people trapped inside. Complicated wards were being set up by two Death Eaters, the others had already left. The first two Aurors to arrive were Henry Potter and his partner. They had engaged the two Death Eaters but Henry had taken a bad severing curse to the leg, nearly cutting the whole thing off before the rest of the department had arrived. Unfortunately, by the time they got the wards undone and had put out the fire, most of the bodies had been burned, and those who were still alive were insane with terror. More than 150 people had been killed and another 30 died later of their wounds.

"I'm worried James."

Again her voice saved him from his thoughts. "Why?"

"I'm worried about my parents – and Petunia."

He slung an arm around her shoulders and hugged her to him. "Oh Lily, try not to worry too much ok? They haven't been anywhere near the attacks. And there's no reason to suspect they'd be singled out by these guys ok?"

Lily nodded into his chest, trying to control the fear that gripped her chest. She wasn't really reassured. "I know, but I've just got a bad feeling."

James pulled her close and lightly kissed the top of her head before turning them towards the castle.

* * *

"Hey Remus, wait a seconds," Lily called after him as he was leaving the Arithmancy classroom.

"Oh, hey Lily." He slowed his rather hurried pace to match her slower one as they made their way back to the common room. "Sorry, my mind was somewhere else."

Lily waved a hand at him, "oh don't worry about it. I just wanted to talk to you about prefect duties real quick."

"Sure, what's up?"

"Well, I saw Matilda earlier and she needs us to help cover Sally Raython's patrols till the end of the year."

Remus looked at her questioningly, "that Ravenclaw girl in our year? The really quiet one?"

Lily nodded, her expression turning solemn. "Yeah, she and her younger brother Daniel, a fourth year left yesterday. Apparently their mother was killed in the attack last week."

There had only been one attack in the two and a half weeks since the subway incident, leaving nearly 300 people killed near Norwich. It seemed as if Voldemort had let loose a dragon near the coast. It had nearly decimated a small costal town before the officials could put it down. The ministry had been tripping over itself the last few days trying to obliterate anyway who had seen the dragon.

"Is their….well do they have any family left?"

Lily nodded. "Apparently their father was at the ministry at work, but their mother was at home." They climbed through the portrait hole in silence before Lily brought them back on topic. "The first patrol we have to pick up is next week."

Remus looked at her worried, but she cut him off as she took at seat in an armchair by the fire. "I know you can't make it. I'll get Roger to do it with me, but other than that one, none of our extra shifts should conflict."

"Conflict with what?" asked Sirius as he jumped over the back of the couch.

"Remus' furry little problem," answered Lily. She explained to him about the extra patrols they had to cover.

"Oh by the way Lily, I've been meaning to tell you something," Sirius said. He cringed a little bit, which made Lily narrow her eyes at him. This couldn't be good. "I sort of kind of told James that you broke up with Will."

"Wait, what?" Remus was confused. "Lily you broke up with Will? When?"

"Lily broke up with Will?" Peter asked as he sat down. "Hmm, I figured as much."

"Wait, you knew?" Sirius asked.

Peter shrugged. "Well she hasn't written him all semester, nor mentioned him for that matter, so I just assumed…"

Lily shook her head, "Wait, Sirius when did you tell him this?"

"About a month and a half ago I guess. Shortly after you told me."

"Wait," Remus said. "Will someone please tell me what's going on?"

Lily sighed. "I broke up with Will over Christmas break."

"Really?" Remus looked at Sirius, then back at Lily. "And James didn't know, but he knows now?"

Sirius nodded and looked at Lily. "He had the right to know Lily you know he did."

"I know. I just couldn't tell him myself. I figured you would tell him, so I chickened out and told you instead. And even then it still took me what, two months?"

Remus was still confused. "So wait, James knows you broke up with Will over Christmas break, and has known this for about a month and a half, and he hasn't done anything about it."

Lily shook her head. "That's part of the reason I didn't tell him. I didn't want him to take it the wrong way. But the problem is I don't really know what to do." She felt a little strange talking to all the guys about this, but she wasn't really sure how she had gotten herself into this position in the first place.

Peter shrugged again. "Well, knowing James he won't make a move until you do no matter what – especially after what happened."

Lily groaned. "Does everyone know about that?"

"No, but we basically just guessed," said Remus. "We have been your friends for years."

"Anyway, you'll have to figure out what you want, and then you'll just have to talk to him about it," Peter summed up.

Lily groaned. "That's the problem," she muttered. "Come on, let's go to dinner, this conversation is making me entirely too hungry." The four of them walked down to dinner and found James already their, loading heaps of mashed potatoes onto his plate. And all throughout dinner, Lily stole glances at him and wondered why when it came to James she was so afraid that she was going to lose him – why she couldn't admit to loving him. And as the owls brought the Evening Prophet, she was reminded that there were bigger problems than whether or not she was in love with James.

* * *

The three weeks before exams began seemed to just slide by to Lily. Between studying and keeping and eye on the wider world and the news, it seemed the student body had time for little else. No other attacks had occurred since the one in Norwich, and the entire student body seemed to relax a little bit, as if maybe it would all be over.

As the seventh years took their NEWTS the first week of June, and the fifth years nervously crammed for their OWLS the following week, the sixth years found themselves absorbed in their own end of year exams.

Looking back on those exams later, Lily would hardly remember which questions she didn't answer, and which exams were exceedingly difficult. She wouldn't remember how relieved she felt to be done with her 4 hour long Potions practical, nor how long she made James cram with her for Transfiguration. In fact, she would barely be able to separate one day from the next, distinguish any one exam from any other. But the last day of exams she knew, she would remember with perfect clarity.

She was laying under the shade of the tree next to the lake with James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter after their Defense exam, when a Aimee Randall, the 3rd year chaser from the Quidditch team approached them.

"Hi James, Sirius," she said.

"Hey Aimee, what's up?" James asked.

"Umm nothing really, I just have a message for Lily from Professor Dumbledore." She handed over a piece of parchment before skipping back off to find her friends.

"What's it say Lily love?" asked Sirius curiously.

Lily couldn't think of a reason she should be receiving a note from Professor Dumbledore, but after reading his scribbled request to come to his office immediately she felt the familiar fear grip her chest, and the sunshine around her seemed to dim – as if someone had just put a filter on the world.

With a murmured excuse to the guys she quickly set off for his office. She was torn between running to his office and taking as long as possible to try and put off the news she feared awaited her. In the end it didn't really matter because time began to skip – as if she was skipping whole scenes of her life and fast forwarding to particular moments of it. One minutes she was laughing by the lake with her friends and breathing a sigh of relief at the end of exams, the next she was climbing the stairs to Dumbledore's office. In this disconnected way she processed the information that she had known in her heart was true. The previous evening Death Eaters had attacked her neighborhood. Both her parents were killed. Her sister was fine, away at the University. In a daze Lily quickly packed her things, shrunk them to fit in her pocket and returned to the headmaster's office. One second she was flooing into Larry's decrypt old shack, the next she was walking up her street, amazed at the destruction before her eyes.

Every house suffered damage. Houses were torn apart, trees burnt, cars scattered throughout the street as if carelessly thrown about by a giant toddler. One minute Lily was talking to a police officer as she felt hot tears begin to fall down her face as her body finally began to respond to the situation and the next she was standing over the bodies of her parents. All she could in reaction was turn from their unmarked bodies, sobbing uncontrollably to retch in the nearby bushes. It was all the confirmation the officer needed. One minute Lily was speaking with an representative of the Ministry, talking distantly of legal emancipation with her 17th birthday only months away and no wizarding relatives. One minute she was speaking with her family's lawyer of funeral dates and preparations she and her sister would need to make. On the confirmation that Petunia was presumed to be fine, although no one had been able to contact her as of yet, Lily again found herself reduced to sobs. The next thing Lily knew, she was standing in the middle of the street, looking full on at the damage done to the house, to her world, in such a short time.

She had a strong, sickening feeling of déjà vu.

Some of the columns holding up the porch had collapsed causing the front part of the roof to sag. There were large holes in the walls and nearly all the windows were broken. The back left corner, where she knew the kitchen was, looked like it had burned away most of that part of the house. She felt blackness swim on the edges of her vision, knowing she was living the dream she had had months before hand, and wishing, desperately that it was still a dream.

She knew now the damage suffered by the other houses on the street was just as extensive, ever house experiencing it's own personal destruction. Just like in her dream there were cars everywhere, sirens and people bustling about. It was like all of the people around her were moving in real time, and she was moving in slow motion as she felt the sickening reality of her situation steal up on her. Her parents were dead. Never again would she see them greet her. Never again would they tell her how proud they were of her. Never again would they scold her for aggravating her sister. She felt like she was drowning in this new reality, one that she knew she could never wake up from. She shivered and felt the truth steal up her back, up behind her ears, to rest permanently in her brain. And then, she was thrown a lifeline.

She turned as she heard Petunia's voice, reaching towards her, desperate for some comfort from her only remaining family. Trying to grab onto anyone who could offer her some comfort, an anchor, in this strange and confusing time.

"Oh Pet thank god you're here. I was so worried that you were home when –"

"How dare you come here," her sister screamed. "How dare you show your face! This is all your fault. It was those freaks like you that did this, that killed mum and dad and practically the entire neighborhood. I can't believe you. You always were a worthless piece of shit. A freak of nature and abomination! No one should be able to do those things you can do. And look at what happened to mum and dad. They couldn't protect themselves from those – those – monsters! That's what you are, you're a monster. You always have been. You always were out to steal them from me, and now look what you've done! If they had never had you none of this would have ever happened. Those monsters came here for you - they never wanted anything to do with us! I wish you had never been born, that you had never been a part of my family. I can't believe you have the audacity to show your face here after this. I never want to see you again."

Lily felt the tears rolling down her face, felt as if she was reeling from the unexpected blow her sister's words brought her. She felt utterly and completely alone. The one person she could reach out to, the one person she could latch onto in the face of her parents death wanted nothing to do with her ever again. And was she right? Was this all because of her? What would she do now? Where could she go? And Lily felt her mind swimming in confusion and in slow motion felt the blackness rise up to greet her. Any second she would wake up, she would run to James, and crawl in his bed and he would tell her it would all be fine. And the thought of him, of that comfort reminded her that this was not a dream, and that she was not alone. She remembered James' words – about standing up for herself when Petunia put her down. About this not being her fault. His words echoed in her ears.

"_..it would never, ever be your fault, and their lives would never have been better without you. You need to stand up to her and be proud of who you are. You're a wonderful person and there are plenty of people who care about you. You could always come to me, you know that." _

Lily felt her vision become abruptly clear. Petunia had turned away from her to find the police officer in charge of the situation. The sight of her sisters back only served to infuriate Lily further. Hearing her name, Petunia turned back around, and Lily stared her down, prepared to give back everything she had been given since an owl showed up on her eleventh birthday and gave her a world of opportunity, at the expense of her sister's love.

"I'm sorry you never thought you were good enough for them Pet, and I certainly didn't come into this world looking to replace you. Your insecurities and unhappiness are not, nor were they ever my problem. You have spent nearly our entire lives being jealous of me and my life, putting me down and trying to hold me back to make yourself feel better. And I let you because I wanted your acceptance – and for that I will never forgive myself. But you know what Pet, you need to grow up. This world isn't all about you, and it's not all about me either. But eventually I hope you realize that the only person holding you back, the only person making you unhappy, is you. I'm sorry that you hate yourself, but you can't make up for it by hating me. As of this moment, I am done. I'm done playing your games, and I'm done being involved in your life when it is so abundantly clear that the only reason you want me there is to hate me instead of yourself. I'm sorry Mum and Dad are dead, Pet I really am, but this time I won't take the blame for something I never could control. Whether they died because I'm a witch or not, it is not, nor will it ever be my fault, and I won't let you tell me otherwise."

And savoring the shocked look on Petunia's face, Lily turned her back on her sister, and her childhood. And with a grace beyond her years she took the first of war's burdens upon her shoulders and she left.

**A/N:**** This chapter was really difficult to write, but I think I did a pretty good job of it. I am, however, anxious to know what you guys think. Usually I write things from experience, and although I have lost loved ones very close to me and do know how that feels, it was not a shock to me. I have had many positive reviews telling me how believable my story is, and how well I do with explaining emotions. You guys have inflated my ego and I like to think that I hold myself to a fairly high standard. Please let me know if this measures up.**

**ALSO IMPORTANT: (SEQUEL INFORMATION) I am going to put up a poll on my profile about whether or not you would like to see a sequel. PLEASE VOTE. If there is enough interest I will strongly consider writing one, but otherwise I don't know if I will since that is a considerable amount of time and effort. The sequel would deal with: the formation of the Order of the Phoenix, more character development on the Marauders and Lily as they confront the war, baby Harry, and Peters betrayal, and as much as I think this would be difficult to write I'll attempt to write the Potter's death and do it justice. Please vote!  
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	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: So, it's that time of year again, when I become disgustingly busy because for some reason I decided to be an engineering major.**

Vicky: So I don't usually respond to reviewers in my story (usually I respond to their reviews but they have to be signed for me to do that), but I meant to respond to your review of the last chapter as well. Your feedback is really helpful. I'm glad that you find this story so addictive and realistic. One of my goals for this story was to make it as consistent with real life as possible. You can tell that one of the things I think is most engaging in a story is reading about character development, and it really reflects in my writing. I understand what you mean about seeing events as they happen, and not reading about characters reflection on them. I'll try and change that in the future, though it's a bit harder for me to write. It should be a challenge! I also know what you mean about the pranks. I'm sorry that there is not more mention of them. I agree that the Marauders bonded in a large way (at least in the beginning) over pranks. However, I find that I'm not too imaginative when it comes to creating them myself, and so I find writing about them difficult. I try and make that portion of their friendship clear in more subtle ways, by various mention of them, and their general mischievousness. I'm sorry there were no Lily James moments in this chapter, but there will be some next chapter, I promise. I am sorry to tell you that there are only two more chapters planned for this story. However, by the time I finish it should be summer, in which I should have much more time and I can start planning the sequel I am tentatively planning to write. If you haven't voted in the poll at my profile you definitely should, so I can figure out what the final count looks like. Thanks, as always, for reviewing.

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* * *

**The next few days were a blur to Lily as she took the Knight Bus from Southampton to London. She vaguely remembered renting a room at the Leaky Cauldron and crying herself to sleep, to exhausted to go out and get food even if she had been hungry. The next day she dazedly reported to the Ministry as she had been instructed to fill out the paper work for her emancipation. She tried not to think about why she was there, and felt herself interacting with the world as if she was merely a shell of the person she had formerly been.

When she arrived back at her room, she found a letter from her lawyer. Her thankfulness of having the foresight to give him the address of The Leaky Cauldron disappeared when she saw that due to the fact that her sister was legally an adult at the age of 20, whereas Lily was not, her sister was to be her legal guardian until her 18th birthday and was to be in charge of the funeral arrangement. The letter also served as notice that the funeral was to be the day after tomorrow, followed by a reading of the wills.

Lily knew that her emancipation in the wizarding world trumped that of the muggle world as far the Ministry of Magic was concerned, just as she knew that she wouldn't be seeing or speaking with Petunia again for a long time, if ever, following the funeral. Lily knew she would have to avoid the muggle world for awhile.

The next day she finally had an appetite. Lily hadn't slept well and grabbed an early breakfast downstairs. When Tom asked her if she would like that added to her bill or if she would like to pay for it now, she paused, frightened. She nervously told him to add it to her bill and then rushed to her room. In her trunk, she realized she had enough money to stay at the Cauldron and for food for about 3 days. She knew she had some money in her Gringotts account. When she had started at Hogwarts, her parents had set up an account there for her and given her a small monthly allowance for school supplies, tuition, and Hogsmeade trips.

The thought of her parents and the fact that she now had to worry about her livelihood caused Lily to breakdown in tears. For an hour she did nothing but curl up in a corner of the room and cried. When she finally had no more tears, she got up, had a glass of water, and forced herself into the shower. Feeling fresh and the best she had since she received the news, she walked down the Alley to the bank to inquire about her account.

As she walked, she realized that although she had always been very independent, the thought of being completely independent on herself frightened her tremendously. She had no idea how she was going to be able to afford her school supplies and tuition, unless she was very careful with her remaining money until she could get a job after she left Hogwarts next year. She wasn't sure where she was going to live – after all, she certainly couldn't afford to keep staying at the Cauldron all summer. Lily felt her new composure breaking down as she became overwhelmed by all of these problems. Quickly she took deep breathes, telling herself that she would tackle one thing at a time. After all, she could afford to stay at the Cauldron for another week, at the end of the week, she would figure out where she was going to stay.

After a small dinner of fish and chips that evening Lily sat in her room, trying not to think about the funeral the next day. She had so far today, determined that she had enough money to pay her Hogwarts tuition, and her school supplies if she bought most of her books and things used, but that she wouldn't have any money for Hogsmeade weekends, and she wouldn't have too much money for food and living over the summer. She realized it was possible that she would be left some money by her parents, but likely that she wouldn't be able to access it until she turned 18. It was late that night, before Lily was able to fall asleep.

The next morning, Lily felt physically sore. Her body ached as she donned her clothes for the funeral, as if she had been in a car accident. Despite her eyes being red and puffy, Lily did what she could to look her best before taking the Knight Bus back to Southampton.

The funeral was awkward. Lily and Petunia sat on opposite ends of the front row at the graveside service, not even attempting to look like they were speaking to each other. As one of her mother's friends got up to speak, Lily looked around at the people who had come to pay their respects. She recognized a few faces that she hadn't seen in years, but for the large part, Lily realized she didn't know anyone. Afterwards, when people came up to consolidate the sisters, many of them addressed Petunia by name. Lily heard whispers. "She's Daisy's other daughter. She doesn't look much like them, though she does have Rick's eyes. She's away at a boarding school in Scotland most of the year, doesn't come home much apparently. I suppose that it a ways to travel. She is beautiful though."

Lily felt as if, now that her parents were gone and she was estranged from her sister, she no longer had any ties to the muggle world. As she came to this conclusion, she felt a part of her fall away. Rather than making her feel incomplete though, she felt lighter, and stood taller than she had before. After the funeral, the wills were read. She and Petunia were the only benefactors. The house, or what was left of it, was left to Petunia, who immediately asked if she could sell it. All the money they owned was split between the sisters. This of course set Lily to crying again, since most of it was their parents' retirement fund. Her dad had been looking forwards to retiring in the next few years, and now he never would. A few other items were given, most, however, had been destroyed in the attack. Lily noticed Petunia shedding a few tears over their grandmother's silver, but wisely didn't say anything.

Afterwards, Lily left immediately for the Ministry. She spoke to a representative about being given access to her accounts, since the muggle world wanted to withhold them until she was 18. Since Lily had decided she had no more connection with the muggle world, she no longer saw the point in pretending to be something she was not, something she realized she had been trying to do ever since she was 11 years old. The representative told her the funds would be transferred to her Gringotts account within the week. Exhausted, Lily managed to get down a bowl of soup before she fell into bed and attempted to sleep off her grief.

The next day found Lily sitting in her room, still in her pajamas, reflecting as she stared out the window. She still felt like she was away at school, and that when she went home on the train her parents would be there, just like always, to pick her up. She found herself thinking of things she wanted to include in her next letter to her dad, and then she would catch herself, and start to cry.

Lily knew she needed to find someplace to stay. She couldn't afford to keep staying at the Cauldron like this, and the time had come to figure out what she would do from here. It seemed like so much longer than 5 days since she had been taking exams at school, no worry greater than that of passing Transfiguration. Sure, the students could feel a war coming with all the attacks, but until the war directly affected her life, Lily hadn't realized what it would be like. So much had changed. Lily felt herself becoming an adult these last few days, as she had to come out of this devastatingly blow stronger and on both feet. She had finally transitioned from the muggle world to the magical one. For the first time since finding out she was witch, she no longer felt like she was straddling the line, not truly belonging in either place. She no longer felt like she was trying to stay connected to her parents, while belonging to a world, and being a person they could never truly understand. She no longer felt like she was constantly trying to find a way to fix her relationship with Petunia, now that it had been so decisively shattered. Finally, she felt like she could stop craving everyone's acceptance. What good had it done her anyway? She had never really been accepted anywhere.

But as she thought that she felt a tug of her brain, and memories of warm hugs, a teasing smile, and a wonderful kiss in the snow flashed before her eyes. That wasn't true, she realized. He had always accepted her. He, and Sirius, Remus, and Peter, her real friends, had always been there for her, but none more than James. She jumped from he seat by the window and penned a note to him. That evening, she received his response. It was short.

_Lils,_

_You can always come to me._

_James_

* * *

Lily stepped off the Knight Bus at the edge of the Potter property. The sun was setting as she walked up the stairs to the front porch, and before she could even reach the door James had opened it and was holding her in his arms. Once she was inside his arms, Lily let the effect of the last few days take hold and she immediately started crying into his shoulder. She didn't know how long she clung to him on the porch, but by the time he let go the sun had completely set and an evening chill was setting in. Despite that, Lily felt warmer than she had in a week.

The next few weeks were a blessing to Lily. At James' house she didn't have to deal with being in public, or the Ministry, or her sister, or her parents' lawyer, or anybody she didn't want to. Mr. and Mrs. Potter were exceedingly hospitable, and didn't ask her a lot of questions, largely leaving her to herself. She saw both Sirius and James around, but neither of them pressed her to talk too much. She spent most of the day each day walking about the property, and she had recently taken to strolling down to the cliffs at the edge of the property that overlooked the ocean.

After about a week, she told James everything that had happened. She described what it felt like to see her parents, her childhood home in ruins, her fight with her sister, the funeral, emancipating herself, and how she had been forced to become an adult so quickly. As always, he had listened, held her, and tried to be as supportive as he could.

About two weeks after arriving at the Potters' she came across Sirius on one of her walks. Feeling in a better mood that day she greeted him.

"Hey Lily," he replied grinning. "How are you today?"

Lily smiled at the question. Usually it was asked in an offhanded way, without much meaning. But she knew this question was intentional. "I'm doing better today," she said. "Yesterday was rough."

Sirius nodded. "Any particular reason?"

A week ago, Lily might have shrugged the question off, but she had gotten better at talking about it. Talking about it helped, she realized. "I was thinking about the future, about what I'd like to do after Hogwarts maybe. And I was thinking about teaching, and I remembered a conversation I had with my dad when I was little about why he was a teacher. That really got to me," she said as she felt tears fill her eyes again. She took a deep breathe. "Plus, I realized yesterday that my birthday's coming up soon. It'll be the first birthday without them." She tried to sound a bit more cheerful. "But hey, at least you and James will be here though."

Sirius smiled at her in a sad way. "Yeah, but it's hard – trying to substitute your friends for where your family should be."

Lily nodded. She was glad Sirius was here, although his loss was different than hers, in many ways there were the same. Both of them, either without or had turned away from their families, both of them relying on their friends for support.

"You know," Sirius said. "Some wise person once told me something."

Lily smiled, amused. "Yeah?"

"Yup. She said that we were lucky. Even though like it seems we could be the two unluckiest people sometimes, she reminded me that we were lucky, because we had a great friend like James, who would always give us a place to go, and great friends like Remus and Peter, and she said that no matter what, we would always have a place we were accepted."

Lily laughed a little bit. "I don't think I said it quite like that."

Sirius pretended to look confused. "You didn't tell me that, that cute Ravenclaw, Sarah did. What did you think we were doing all those nights in the broom closets?"

Lily laughed fully now and smacked him in the arm. Yes, she knew things would never be the same again, but she did know that things were slowly getting better.

**A/N: So I know the first part of that may be difficult to follow since it's kind of disjointed, but I wrote it that way on purpose, because Lily's life is kind of disjointed right now. This chapter also didn't have as much in it as I originally planned, but I think the next chapter will be better for it, because otherwise it was going to be kind of redundant and disjointed. Anyways, I don't know when I'll be able to update again, but hopefully I'll get some time to work on the next chapter in the next few weeks. Only two chapters left people! **

**VOTE AT THE POLLS CONCERNING A SEQUEL! AND REVIEW!  
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	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: Grr, writer's block. Here it is finally. Hope you like it.**

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James was quiet as he sat aboard the Hogwarts Express. It was raining against the windows, suiting the mood of the cabin perfectly. Two days ago the world had seemed carefree as they finished their exams in high spirits, ready to prepare for their last year at Hogwarts. Then Lily had gotten that letter from Dumbledore.

He had known something was wrong the minute she read the letter, but she was gone so quickly he couldn't say anything. He hadn't thought much of it at the time, assuming that he would have a chance to speak with her when she got back. But when she didn't come to dinner that evening he began to worry. When he approached Dumbledore about it after dinner, he had been told the news. Lily's parents were dead, and she had left immediately to deal with the arrangements.

What hurt him the most was that he knew how much this had to be hurting Lily, and that he could do nothing to help her. For the next few days he waited for word from her, but none came. When he did finally arrive home on the train with Sirius, he asked his dad to try and figure out through the office if he could get the date of the funeral, but with all of the casualties the Auror office didn't care about the funeral dates of two seemingly random muggles that had been killed in the attack.

He contemplated sending Lily a letter for days, just to remind her that he was always there to support her. But every time he put his quill to the paper he found that he couldn't find the words, and he resolved to wait until Lily was ready to contact him. He hoped desperately that she would remember he was there for her, and that she would choose to come to him, to let him help her.

Finally, nearly a week after arriving home, it came. Her letter was sprawling, disjointed, and he felt his chest flame with sadness as he saw the wrinkled spots where her tears had clearly dried on the parchment. She had no where to go, she said, no one to turn to, and no family left to speak of now that she had dropped all ties with her wretched sister. She wanted to know, if it was at all possible, if she could come stay there for the rest of the summer, or at least until she got back on her feet and figured out another option. His reply was quick and immediate.

_Lils,_

_You can always come to me._

_James_

* * *

James did everything he could over the next few weeks to help Lily heal. He gave her space when she needed it, when her face would get the far away look, and he knew she was living out a different part of her life, one where her parents were alive and her sister was still a sister. And James knew that she was mourning the loss of not only her parents, but her entire family and the last thing that tied her to the muggle world -- the world she had grown up in.

And on the days when she broke down at the kitchen table because there was cherry pie for dessert and that had always been her dad's favorite, he held her in his arms until she had finished crying and he took her to bed.

And when she finally began to talk about what had happened James listened without interrupting. He told her how proud he was of her when she detailed how she stood up to Petunia and when she talked about how she all of a sudden had to be completely independent.

And over the course of those next few weeks, he realized that the girl he had been in love with before was now the strongest, most courageous, and beautiful woman he had ever known. And he realized as he took care of her over those new few weeks that he always wanted to take care of her, that he always wanted to be the one she turned to for support, and that he always wanted her to be his Lily.

* * *

A little over a month after Lily had arrived a storm blew through the area, bringing with it heavy rain and winds. Confined to the house, Lily sulked. The walks out around the grounds of the house and along the cliffs had been soothing and distracting in a way she hadn't completely realized until she had lost them. After three days inside Lily began to feel unbearably restless and avoided James and Sirius, who seemed to notice her backslide in mood and were trying to keep her busy.

On the afternoon of the fourth day, however, Lily wandered the house. She knew James and Sirius had gone out shopping for Lily's seventeenth birthday that was coming up in a few days and she was tired of staying in her room avoiding them. After a bit of wandering, Lily realized that the house had more rooms than she had realized – many of them small and tucked away in corners. The parts of the house the Potters frequented seemed to be larger, and to flow together with few hallways and to have higher ceilings. Many of the rooms had sheets over the furniture and some were sporting ghastly outdated wallpaper. In the northeast corner of the second floor she found another small room. Expecting more white sheets and badly done decorating she walked in without ceremony, only to stop at the sight of Mrs. Potter sitting on the couch, a photo album open in her lap.

"Why hello there Lily," she said graciously.

Lily felt a small amount of blood rise into her cheeks. "I'm sorry if I'm disturbing you, I was just exploring the house, I didn't realize you were in here."

"Oh don't be silly, you aren't disturbing me at all." Christine took a moment to survey the girl. She hadn't seen much of her since she arrived, except for occasionally at mealtimes. James had been seeing to Lily well enough that she didn't feel she needed to keep a close eye on the situation. Despite her son's worry over the last few days, she thought Lily looked much improved. Her hair was clean, and she was dressed comfortably, but not sloppily, in some cotton shorts and a white tee shirt. But most importantly, her eyes seemed be sharper. As if she was experiencing the world with all of her senses, rather than moving through it automatically.

"Would you like some tea?"

Lily hesitated only briefly. "Sure." And then she took stock of the room. The whole wall on the other side of Mrs. Potter was made of windows, showing a wonderful view of the cliffs and the ocean. The rest of the walls were a clean white, but with the effect of the windows it lost the feel of a hospital and instead served to reflect the natural light and brighten the room. It was interesting, watching the rain drops fall heavily on the coast, the large window causing her to feel immersed in it, and yet she felt warm, dry, and comfortable in this room.

Mrs. Potter chuckled and Lily came back to herself, watching Mrs. Potter pour her a cup of tea. Lily realized there was a set on a tray at the far side of the couch that she had missed when she first came into the room.

"It is a fabulous room isn't it?" she asked.

Lily nodded and took a seat on the couch next to Mrs. Potter and picked up her tea. "It's beautiful. Did you decorate it?" She knew James' mom had lots of hobbies, one of them being the redecoration of a number of rooms every few years.

Mrs. Potter chuckled again. "Alas, I can not take credit for this one. This room has actually been like this for quite some time. It is the only room in the house that hasn't been frequently changed based on the preferences of the particular family in the house at the time."

Lily nodded, realizing now that different rooms were shut up or opened according to the preference of the current family.

"This particular room has not really changed. The only changes I've made to it are those," she said motioning to two large, mahogany bookshelves against the wall facing the window. One of the bookcases was filled almost entirely with what appeared to be photo albums, and the other with a random assortment of things. There were a few model ships, an old telescope, what looked like a compass, and a gold pocket watch suspended under a glass case, among other things.

"What are they?" Lily asked curiously as she got up to survey the shelves.

"The ships are all my husband Mark's, umm, let's see…the pocket watch use to belong to my grandfather. He carried it with him everywhere, but always use to let me play with it when I was a girl. He left it to me when he died. The telescope was something that Mark's father bought for him. He used it to take me stargazing on our first date." She chuckled again. "Well, sort of. I stubbornly refused it was a date at the time, but I was terrified I was going to fail my Astronomy OWL."

Lily took a sip of your tea. "I heard you and your husband, err, disliked each other, when you where in school."

Christine laughed. "Why thank you for putting it so delicately. Yes, for the first 4 or 5 years that I knew him I thought he was an arrogant, stuffed up pig. He was in the class above me and in Gryffindor. I was in Ravenclaw, but my best friend – my cousin in fact – was also in Gryffindor. We were in the class below him and he used to tease us. Not in a mean way of course," she clarified to Lily, "but I never could laugh at myself when I was that age, and he was a bit of a bully I thought. He was immature for a while, but all boys are," she said. Lily nodded, knowing the truth of the statement. "Anyway, for a variety of reasons I never could stand him, but I never really disliked him until he asked me out for the first Hogsmeade weekend of my fourth year. I had heard him bragging to a bunch of his friends about how he was going to take me, he was convinced I would say yes," she smirked mischievously and all of a sudden Lily knew where James had inherited it from. "Well anyways I made sure to very publicly tell him I wouldn't date him if he were the last man alive. He took it as a challenge I think," she said wistfully. "Anyways, I never could stand him until the end of my fifth year. He had convinced me to let him help me study for my Astronomy OWL, since I was horrible at the class, and that was a turning point I think. He had grown up a lot by then." For a moment, Mrs. Potter had a far off look in her eye, but then she came back. "But enough about that," she said rather sheepishly.

"I never knew that," Lily said. She looked down at the photo album in Mrs. Potter's lap. "What are you looking at?"

Mrs. Potter smiled wistfully. "With all of you adults now and heading off to your last year of school soon it's making me feel quite nostalgic." She showed Lily the page she was on. It was a picture of James and Sirius, on Platform 9 ¾ , arms around each other's shoulders and waving madly at the camera, both of them in their brand new Hogwarts robes.

"Is this first year?" Lily asked excitedly. "But they look so small!"

Mrs. Potter smiled. "I know. You've all grown up so much since then. It's hard to believe isn't it? That so much time has passed."

And it was. They spent the rest of the afternoon in that room, browsing through the many photos of Lily, James, and Sirius' school days. And all throughout Lily was struck by how much they had all grown up, how much they had all been through, and how different they all were. After a while, they heard laughing out on the grounds, distantly through the window. Lily got up and stood at the window, looking out. The storm had finally abated, and while the clouds were still gray, the rain had stopped and the gray had a strange coziness about it, as if it were covering the ground in a thick blanket.

And there on the ground were James and Sirius chasing each other. It seemed as if Sirius had just splashed James with muddy water from a particularly large puddle, and James was now trying to tackle Sirius into one of his own. Lily felt the first real smile since her parents died stretch, unbidden, across her face. And she realized for the first time that they were all adults. And that the two boys she considered her best friends in the world had grown up into wonderful, brave, men. And as James stopped and wiped water from his face, he happened to glance up, and saw her at the window. And her heart swelled.

She felt Mrs. Potter's delicate hand on her shoulder, and she glanced at her. "You know Lily, I think you are a wonderful person, and have grown into a beautiful woman. And I know that there is no one better for my son." And with a knowing smile, she handed Lily the photo album and left the room. Looking down, Lily saw there was only one photo on the page. It looked like it was from the beginning of last year, but Lily couldn't be sure. She watched, as in the picture she came running from off screen, into James' waiting arms, and he spun her around. When he put her down, Lily saw the kiss he dropped on the top of her hair before he released her. For a brief moment, their eyes met, and Lily caught her breathe looking at it, before she saw picture Lily try and swat the camera away from Sirius.

She looked back out the window for him, but he must have already disappeared inside the house. And as she looked at the picture just in time to see their eyes meet again she realized. She was in love with him, and she always had been.

* * *

As time passed, Lily began to live again. It helped to have Sirius around, and she enjoyed it when Remus came to visit for two weeks. Peter even managed to make it over for her birthday weekend, though under high pressure from James.

About two weeks before they were all suppose to head back to school Lily was outside, sitting cross legged in the grass as she worked on a detailed charcoal sketch of the house. She had only just begun her art again after her birthday two weeks ago, when James had bought her a large set of diverse supplies with a short note:

_Lils,_

_You always were good at bringing out the beauty in anything. Hopefully you can begin to find it again. _

_James_

It had been too long since Lily had drawn or sketched anything, and she was surprised how it did help her to see things around her in a more positive and beautiful light – especially James.

Ever since she realized she was in love with him, she noticed how in his day to day actions he showed her how much he care for her. They had always been affectionate with each other before, and while it had been clear that they cared for one another, ever since the kiss he had been more reserved and closed off. As if he couldn't bear to show her how much he loved her.

But lately, that wall that he had built had fallen away. And rather than make Lily uncomfortable she felt relieved. It seemed obvious to her now, that she had loved him for years, never really understanding what she felt. And when she did she had turned a blind eye to protect her relationship with Will. The only problem was that as loving and affectionate as James had been lately, he was still treating her like glass. He had not made any moves on her or attempted to be in any way, shape, or form intimate. Granted, after the kiss incident, it seemed likely that he wouldn't put himself back out there again, but still – he knew she had broken up with Will, he knew she was available. Sighing over the matter Lily glanced back up at the house just in time to see Remus Lupin slam the door on his way out.

He came striding across the lawn, not noticing Lily sitting in the grass not far from him.

"What's got your leash in a twist?" she asked.

He seemed to start at her voice and she thought she saw his eye twitch. But then he took a deep breath and sat down with her, facing the house.

"James," he said in a deeply irritated tone. Lily just sat there, continuing to sketch, though this time on a new page and didn't say anything. Eventually, Remus continued. "He tried to convince me to stay," he growled.

"Ahhh." Lily understood the problem now. "He wanted to you to go through the transformation here rather than going home tomorrow."

"Exactly," he said. There was a full moon coming up in a few days and Remus was leaving tomorrow to go home, where his family had built a building for just that purpose. Sirius, however, would be going with him to help with the transformation. The boys would meet back up with Lily and James at the train on the first.

Lily kept peaking glances at him, but he was still staring off in the direction of the house, not really seeing anything. "You know he just wants to be there to help you go through it right?" she asked him. "I don't know why he doesn't just apparate over there for the night," she went on. "I told him as much too."

Remus looked at her mildly surprised, she was usually so good at reading people. "Because he won't leave you," he thought that part would have been obvious to her.

Lily looked taken aback slightly as she ran the charcoal stick across the page but then rolled her eyes slightly. "I'm not going to break, he can leave for one day." But Remus saw the smile that formed on her face anyway.

"Neither am I," he replied.

Her smile widened. "Touché." She ripped the piece of paper off her sketch pad, shook off the excess charcoal, and handed it to him. There, staring off the side of the page, was him. His eyes were narrowed in frustration, crinkled slightly around the edges, his hair disarrayed. He looked every bit as if he had just stormed out of the house in frustration with one of his best friends.

"You're very good at this you know," he said to her.

Lily felt her cheeks heat slightly. "Thank you."

"You know Lily," he said as he turned to her, with a much softer expression now, his tone serious, "you deserve happiness."

She smiled at him. "Like you don't?" she teased.

He tried to smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. That was an argument for another time. "I mean it Lily. I'm sure you must still be mourning your parents, even though you do seem to be doing, well, ok."

"James was a big help," she said. "I wouldn't have started the healing process nearly as quickly if it wasn't for him."

"That's what I'm saying," he said. "I know he cares about you, and I just think that –"

But Lily stopped him, a sad look still in her eye. "I know Remus." They stayed there for a few minutes, in comfortable silence, before Lily unfolded her legs, stood up, and went into the house.

* * *

The day after Sirius and Remus left, school letters arrived. James was downstairs in the kitchen when the owl found him. Opening it up, he quickly scanned his book list. He already owned most of the books, since they were the same for both years of the NEWT courses. The envelope felt a bit heavy, and he turned it over, dumping the Quidditch captain badge into his hand. What he didn't expect was the second badge that followed it. He caught it quickly before it hit the ground and turned it over to find a large embossed H on it. For a moment, all he could do was stand there, shocked. When he regained his senses he scrambled through the other pieces of paper in the envelope until the found the accompanying letter.

_Dear Mr. Potter,_

_I am, in fact, pleased to inform you that you have been appointed as Head Boy. It is a common misconception that one must first be a Prefect to obtain a Head position. Some people simply mature later in life._

_Congratulations,_

_Albus Dumbledore_

_Headmaster_

He read the letter through at least five times, still trying to process the information. Suddenly, he heard Lily flying down the stairs.

"James, James, oh my gods look, James!"

His attention immediately focused on her frantic voice and he had taken two steps towards the stairs when she came flying through the swinging doors to the kitchen. She jumped into his arms and out of habit he turned her around once before putting her back down.

"Look, look, I made Head Girl! Isn't that fantastic? I completely forgot about Head positions!" Her face was lit up with delight and she proudly held her badge out to him. It looked exactly like the one he had received. She seemed to have noticed his shocked face. "What's wrong?" she asked, concerned.

Wordlessly, he handed her the letter he had been reading and she scanned it quickly before jumping back into his arms. "Oh James, that's amazing! I'm so proud of you. I had no idea you could be appointed a Head without becoming a Prefect first."

Her congratulations finally pulled him out of his shock. "I just can't believe it. I have to owl the guys, they'll never believe me."

Lily suddenly got a very mischievous look in her eye. "Don't tell them. Keep it a surprise, let them find out when we see them on the train. It'll be a riot."

James smiled at her, pleased at the thought of his friends' reactions. "Good plan."

* * *

A few days before they were to leave for school the entire Potter family, and Lily, were sitting down to dinner. The two house elves the Potters employed served an excellent roast with a special treacle tart dessert for Mr. Potter, since it was becoming a rarer and rarer occasion when he could join the family for dinner.

While Mr. Potter talked about office politics and the new Head Auror, and Mrs. Potter discussed the redecorating she was planning for the southwest corner of the first floor once James and Lily returned to school, Lily picked at her food. James, who was constantly looking for signs that Lily was upset, noticed. As soon as was polite, Lily asked to be excused from the table and then stepped out the back door. James gave her about a five or ten minute head start while he finished his treacle tart.

The sun was setting behind them, causing the light to reflect of the water differently and turn the waves of the ocean a rainbow of colors when he caught up to her. For a few moments they stood there, side by side, watching the waves crash into the cliff, before she spoke. "I can never thank your family enough. They've been so kind to me."

James nodded. After a minute he said, "I think they always wanted more kids, but they had me so late in life they just couldn't. I think that opening up their home to my friends who are in need of one is their way of compensating." He smiled a little bit.

"It feels weird," Lily said, "to not have a home anymore."

James looked at her. "What do you mean? You have a home."

"Not really," she argued. "I mean, I guess you can sort of count Hogwarts. It was one of the only places I felt like I belonged. I guess if that makes a home, it's the closest I've got." She was quiet for a moment, and anticipating what he was going to say, "I can hardly count your parent's house as a home. Don't get my wrong - they've been wonderful and welcoming and I know I will always have a place to stay here, but it's not home. It's not the same."

James nodded. They both continued to watch the waves dance as they each thought over what made a home. Finally, James hesitantly asked, "What if your home doesn't have to be a place?"

Lily looked confused. "What do you mean?"

James tried to explain. "My first thought is that your home is where your family is. And maybe that's true, but the thing that makes it a home is that the people there will always support you, and accept you, and love you. And what if that's what a home is? Where those people are? They don't necessarily have to be your family. I mean, look at Sirius. His family hates him. But he's my best mate, and I know that the guys and I would always stand by him, and accept him for exactly who he is, no matter what his name is. And he considers us his real family. And you too," he said smiling at her. "He's very fond of you."

Lily nodded, processing. "We have a lot in common."

They both watched the light over the water change to a deep blue, as if the twilight crept out of the ocean. Lily felt the breeze ruffle her hair and taking a large breathe of salty air she felt at peace. The feeling was getting more and more familiar as time went on.

After a minute she turned towards him, resting her hand on his forearm. "I wanted to thank you," she said. She kept her eyes on her fingers as they caressed his skin.

"For what?"

"For everything. All my life I've felt like I've been straddling this line between two worlds, never really accepted in either one. I've never felt like I was accepted by my sister, and I never really could connect with my parents in the same way once I left. And now that they're gone I thought that what little acceptance I had anywhere was gone too. But no matter what, James, you've always accepted me. Even after your birthday you didn't turn me away, but you were there for me when I needed you the most. You've always supported me and stood by me."

She looked up at him then, and slowly she reached her hand up, and let her fingertips trail down his cheek to trace his jaw line before she stood on her toes and lightly kissed him.

As if she had set off a firework in him, he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her against him, kissing her back fiercely. Her hands snaked around the back of his neck and one of her hands ran through his hair. But just as quickly as it started, he pulled his head back and looked at her pleadingly.

"Lily." The way he barely breathed her name sent chills down her spine. "Please. I need you to be honest with me. I couldn't bear it if tomorrow you decide that this was a mistake."

Rather than pulling away like he expected she smiled slowly at him, her eyes dark. That look alone was setting him on fire and no matter what her answer was he didn't think he'd be able to let her go. "I love you, James," she said. "I'm not sure when I fell in love with you. Likely years ago, I expect – even if I only realized it recently. And haven't you been listening?" she teased. "You're my home."

At that the largest smile she had even seen filled his face. Quickly, he lowered his head down and captured her mouth in another heated kiss, lifting her up of the ground in his joy. He broke the kiss briefly, holding her there, her toes dangling just slightly off the ground. "I love you too Lily."

* * *

**A/N: So I'm sorry this took me so long to get out. I started it quite a while ago, but it just wasn't coming to me. I got something written, but it was crap so I scrapped it and started over but was still battling with writer's block. I feel like both you and I have come to expect a certain standard of writing from me and what I had written before just wasn't cutting it. So anyways, I'm actually really happy with how this chapter finally turned out, even though it took me a long time to get there. The last chapter is going to be pretty short, so hopefully it will be up soon. There will not be a sequel. Sorry for those of you who really wanted one, but I just couldn't get enough of a plot together in my head to really justify it. Maybe at some point in the future, but I doubt it. Anyways, thanks to all of you who have stuck it out with me this far, we're almost there!**


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